Lessons from Mrs Zebedee...

Have you ever heard the saying: "Aim high at least you'll land somewhere?"

Les Brown puts it this way:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

I know the  first time or thereabouts I read about Mrs Zebedee - I couldn't help but wonder "Who does she think she is? What's so special about her children?"

Let's read the passage together:

Don't cut off your nose...

...to spite your face.

Have you ever heard that idiom? I remember it from way back and always found it interesting. More recently, I have had to catch myself from doing exactly that. The idiom essentially warns us not to act in anger, irationally or overreact to a person or situation even if it hurts us too...

Are you like Mrs Aquila?

The first time she was mentioned in the Bible was alongside her husband.

After this [Paul] departed from Athens and went to Corinth. There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, recently arrived from Italy with Priscilla his wife, due to the fact that Claudius had issued an edict that all the Jews were to leave Rome. And [Paul] went to see them, And because he was of the same occupation, he stayed with them; and they worked [together], for they were tentmakers by trade. (Acts 18: 1-3 - Amplified - italics, mine)

When we read this passage as part of our Women's Bible Study at work, the first thought that dropped in my mind was: "Priscillia - or Mrs Priscillia Aquila (for those of us who like titles) - was a rather, in fact very, gracious hostess - to accommodate she and her husband's professional colleague." That thought was closely followed by an introspective question: "How far am I willing to go (& give or even give up) to support a "new-to-town" professional colleague?

Now I don't know if you know this, but I was surprised the first time I heard that:

The only reason why you can cook several live crabs at the same time is because when the water starts heating up and one tries to climb out, the others pull it back into the water. Now I don't know if it's true but if it is can you just imagine it?

Unfortunately, I see many demonstrations of this "crabby" & grabby nature in church - where some people feel they are the only ones entitled to the "good things" of life. This is totally unChristian. When I see this, I ask: "What can I do as Mrs. Pastor?" We should complement, & also compliment, not compete with each other.

Borrowing a leaf from Priscillia, I have decided not to relent in supporting those who are new-to-town - irrespective of the profession or church they belong to. My prayer is that by my conduct, others will be encouraged to do the same...

XYZ

In more recent times I've been talking to myself saying: "eXamine Your Zeal" -
I believe that is a common "bottom line" for us as Mrs. Pastors. For me, it's a simple question: "Why do I do what I do?" or "Why do I go to church at all?"
Put differently, "If I was not Mrs. Pastor, would my service to (& for) God or even my "regular" (almost mandatory) attendance in services be different?"

I believe that our sincere answers to these questions will truly benefit each of us, our husbands, families and the body of Christ at large....let's dig in...

Your family and friends

I don't know who came up with the "Friendship Day" but it is so interesting how these things catch on. It was only last year that the UN declared July 30 as the International Friendship Day. Yes, today is International Friendship Day.

Friends are a wonderful part of life. Think about it: since we cannot choose our family members, it was so gracious of God to give us all the privilege of choosing our friends. When I saw this poster, I smiled then wondered how true it really is. 

Do Pastor & Mrs. Pastor really "get to pick their own friends?" Or should we even pick rather than be "all-embracing" and "take" anyone who comes our way?

It's a "high calling"

I couldn't agree more with Patricia Jones (pastoral counsellor) who said:
"Being a minister's wife is a "high calling" and a difficult one, but well worth it if you know how to protect your marriage, your family and your identity."* Indeed, you need to know who you are & Who has called you...

Knowing this is so very true, like Paul, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus"** and constantly remind myself that: "I can do all things because Christ gives me the strength."***

I also consciously take Paul's advice (& warning) to heart & to head: "For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not ot estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance]... Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits."****

As we all know, being Mrs. Pastor is a high calling but we must be careful not to become highminded. Additionally, it always comes back to HIM (Hierarchy In Ministry), once you mix up the order and/or become highminded, you will not only falter, but fail so please beware. Rather than becoming or being highminded, we should set our hearts, minds and sight on things above (on high)***** and success is sure. Also, be careful not to be "low-minded"****** - just have the mind of Christ and be lowly in everything you do....as you respond to this high calling. 

God bless.

Sources:

*http://www.dovechristiancounseling.com/MinistersWives.html
**Phil 3:14 - King James Version

***Phil 4:13 - New Life Version
****Rom 12:3a &16 - Amplified
*****Col 3:2 - And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. - Amplified
****** Don't look down on yourself - look up to God and what He can do with and through you (see 1 Cor 2:16 and Phil 2:6) 

Assignment vs. "Assistant"

I found this tweet by Tommy Tenney interesting:
"Adam received his assignment b4 he received his Assistant.

Eve walked into a functioning vision."

I understand what he means though I know this is not always the case - in many people's lives. The fact is that some people only hear, or maybe only just answer the call, after they are married. Experiencing a bit of what it takes, I can't blame them though I know it's not the right thing to do - that's just me being authentic :)

Let me explain that some more...using 2 people in the Bible - who were not married to each other but clearly had a God-given assignment to do (together).

A, B, C...

These pieces of advice from some Mrs. Pastors truly resonated with me...

Amy Goen has been a Mrs. Pastor for about 2 decades, on the subject of "Authenticity" she advises: “Don't be afraid to show the real you to the congregation, complete with flaws. It shows that you're human and someone they can relate to.”* Humility and humanity always wins.

Beverly Hild has been married for almost 30 years and she said this about: “Being supportive” to our husbands. "I've learned that my husband does not need me to play the devil's advocate in difficult situations; he has enough of those. I try not to give him advice unless he asks for it. He needs me to listen to him and trust his judgment."*

Jani Ortland, a Mrs. Pastor, has an insightful perspective on being the direct "Channel of Favour." "You are one of the main vehicles God uses to show your husband his favor. Proverbs 18:22 says, ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.’ It’s as if God was thinking, ‘How can I help this man as I call him to serve Me? I know. I’ll make ____________, introduce them, and ignite their hearts to yearn to be one. Then I’ll use her as my main channel to show him my favor."**

Pulling it together into a sentence:

As his direct Channel of Favour, 

Being supportive to our husbands in this call,

means we must be Authentic.

I can't (so won't) promise that we'll go through all the letters of the alphabet - but will do my best to share advice I hear or see...so we grow.  

Sources:

*Advice for ministers' wives from ministers' wives by Grace Clausing: http://www.lifeway.com/ArticleView?storeId=10054&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&article=Advice-for-ministers-wives-from-ministers-wives
**http://www.sovgracepastorswives.com/2009_07_01_archive.html

SPA

Have you ever had a spa? Well, it was an answered prayer for me last year when I got a coupon...in fact it was another confirmation of God's promise in Isa. 65:24: 

"I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"*

You know, I hadn't even whispered it to anyone - indeed the Word works...

Ok back to our topic...

After that experience, I said I'd like my husband to go for a spa and to go again myself, of course. The more I thought about it, the more desirable it became. Then just before Christmas, the thought occurred to me again and I got it...

The Preacher's Wife

Have you seen this film - "The Preacher's Wife"? Although it's not a Christian movie, it's what I'd call a "crunchy comedy" - that's my way of saying it gives you some thing to chew on. Others may say it gives you food for thought...and I'll add "energy for action" too.

It brings to light some of the shortcomings and oversights of being "sold out" to ministry. Watching it again after several years, I noticed a number of things and the key one was: Beware when you are "sold out" to the ministry because you may be a terrible debtor to your family who are supposed to be your first ministry. The Bible is clear on the requirements for a married man in ministry:

1 Timothy 3: 1,2, 4 & 5 -  ¹This is a statement that can be trusted: If anyone sets his heart on being a bishop, he desires something excellent. ²A bishop must have a good reputation. He must have only one wife, be sober, use good judgment, be respectable, be hospitable, and be able to teach. ⁴He must manage his own family well. His children should respectfully obey him. ⁵(If a man doesn’t know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (God's Word Translation)

Titus 1: 6 - [These elders should be] men who are of unquestionable integrity and are irreproachable, the husband of [but] one wife, whose children are [well trained and are] believers, not open to the accusation of being loose in morals and conduct or unruly and disorderly. (Amplified)

My husband, children and I watched it together years ago and we took note of our "dos" and "do nots" - the main one was: "Family first-after God."  Without a doubt, some things in the film were exaggerated and others were understated -which is why it's a film. I suggest that you start by watching this film with your husband (& immediate family if possible) as a form of relaxation - there will be no need to lecture - if you do this prayerfully and you'll be blessed.  If you see (or even smell) traces of some of the things we saw in the film creeping up on your marriage, I suggest that you pray and then discuss them with your husband. 

I definitely cannot overemphasize what I call the "Hierarchy In Ministry" (HIM):

God, Spouse, Children, Ministry, Job/Career - which is part of your ministry.

I'd love to hear/read your testimonies...you can send an email to dearmrs.pastor@gmail.com if you'd rather share it in private  than comment on this posting. One way or the other, it will be nice to hear/read from you.