"Here's my resignation."

On this last day of this unprecedented year, I felt the need to share a thought that crossed my mind...and I can only imagine the shock some of you felt when you read the title of this post.

Really?

When I see the way some pastors and/or even their wives carry on my only comment is "Really?!"

Keep growing

Growth is one characteristic of living organisms; and as a living organism, the church must grow. 

Stay plugged in

We are living in unprecedented times. Who would ever imagine that the whole world could be going through different dimensions of the same turmoil and uncertainty at the same time?

Everyone is in this together - with each person, family, community, city and nation trying to determine the best path(s) to take. And the church is not left out...

Pastors are wondering how to keep in close contact with their congregation members virtually. How can they ensure that the church members remain "plugged in" and connected to the church family in spite of the social distancing precaution?

As I ponder on all this, I wonder how I can also stay plugged in - as a church member and more importantly, as my Pastor's wife.

How can I support my husband during this uncertain times? As I prayed about it, the Holy Spirit reminded me that in coming up with various suggested solutions, I need to also realize that there are (many) times to be still and silent in order to gain strength for my husband
and I versus strain or even drain our strength.

So this is my prayer - which I share with you: May God inspire us all on how to stay plugged in - including how & when to identify and share ideas with our husbands versus inundate them.

The conclusion of the matter is: THIS TOO SHALL PASS...AND IT SHALL END IN PRAISE!

Thank you for all...

...you don't do

Did you just jerk and recheck if you read the topic right?

Yes you read it right. 

This topic came to mind when I saw this picture appreciating Pastor for all he/she does.

You can...

As we wrap this quarter up, I want to remind you that you can achieve what you set your heart and mind to achieve.

My book "101 Quips and Quotes" is the product of the "YOU CAN" mentality robustly supported by my husband who never gives up on me. Actually, he challenges me to do more than I am willing and (I think) able to.

As Mrs. Pastor, we are expected to "go along" fully supporting our husbands...and it can be a bumpy ride now and again. However in it all, I've learned to see the beauty and bounty of God. So it is a thoriugh blessing - one I do not take for granted - to have a husband like mine, who fully supports me including refusing to be a "crutch" because he says he believes that I can...

Back story: The fact that I have/author 3 blogs today is all because of my husband saying "You can". In fact, he planted the seed of writing a book in my heart a few years ago when he asked, "Can't you turn your blog into a book?"

Today, as it marks 1 full month since my first of many books was published, I want to thank God for blessing me with a husband who keeps saying "You can" to me. As I say in my book,

"In marriage, each spouse shines brighter as you take the time to support & "polish" each other.Do not be a "polish remover" to your spouse."

"You can" buy your copy and I'm sure it will inspire you on what you can do too:
101 Quips & Quotes…that will charge and change your life

Your marriage matters...

...much MORE than your ministry

Career or Calling?

Recently I was thinking about myself and cast my mind back to how some people react when they know my husband is a pastor. Some people say: "Oh that's why you are like that at work."

"I can't do that...

...I'm a Pastor's wife."

Last year, a dear sister recommended I do something that would change the way I look...a bit.

As I thought about it - and looked around - I noticed that a lot of Mrs Pastors were doing the same thing or other things that I wouldn't do. It then occurred to me that what I was turning down/away from doing was not due to a lack of ability - rather it was my deliberate choice.

In other words, I could do it but chose not to.

The other dimension was that the reason for choosing not to do that was not solely because I am Mrs. Pastor but more because of my personal preferences based on my upbringing.

I then wondered how many of us use (maybe even misuse/abuse) the fact that they are Pastor and/or Mrs Pastor to do or be excused from doing particular things.

1 Peter 2:16 says: "Live like free people, but don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. Live as those who are serving God." (ERV)

I agree that as Pastors and Pastors' Wives, we need to be good role-models and mentors. However, we need to know why we say "Yes" or "No" to particular things otherwise we cannot truly train or guide others on how to make some of those decisions. There are things that we should do or not do - whether or not we can. We must be intentional about our choices and help others too with such decisions. Otherwise you may find that some people do what they should not under the excuse that "afterall, I'm not a Pastor."

So really, my response should have been: 

"I do not want to do that because of my personal values and preferences" 

not 

"I can't do that, because I'm a Pastor's wife."

"Ouch - that hurts"

Those were the words that crossed my mind as a response when I remembered something my mother (of blessed memory) said to and taught me. It's been almost 30 years and I still remember her very sharp advice (pun intended): "Bite your tongue." 

In fact, if you have ever mistakenly bitten your tongue when eating I'm sure you know how it truly feels - not just figuratively. Yes, ouch - it hurts.

This pertinent advice not to say what I really wanted to say but shouldn't came to mind when I was gearing to make one of those "I told you so" type comments to my husband. And yes, those comments hurt... Ask me - I know from personal experience.  

The more I thought about it, I reflected on the blessing of being married to a man who is a pastor. Actually, it is both a blessing and a burden. The good thing about the blessing-burden equation is that it is more of a blessing than a burden when we manage the burden well. Which, as usual, is where we need the Holy Spirit's help.

Psalm 68:19 says: "Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carries us day by day, even the God Who is our salvation! Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! (AMPC)

As Mrs. Pastor, there are so many situations where we have to say something and many more where we may feel that we have something to say but it is better unsaid. We need the Holy Spirit to help us discern when, where, how, and what to say. We need to be wise at all times - even if the world celebrates April Fools' Day - we must never be fools.

But why?

As you already know, I enjoy people-watching now and again.

A few weeks ago, I was walking between buildings and noticed a lady pulling down her skirt. The only 2 words that popped in my head were:

"But why?"

Although I like pictures, I will not add a picture here so no one misconstrues this as approval.

Back to the topic...

Being perfect

This piece has been years - I mean YEARS - in the making. And I can tell you that it was not because I was trying to get it post-perfect - not by any means. I was really pumped about it the first time the topic dropped in my heart and then I started second-guessing myself and wondering what people would think about me - as if it really matters.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit Who has patiently and gently guided me as I've grown and taught me how to break this down - without breaking myself down (pun intended).

A few years ago, I was struggling with not being the perfect Pastor's Wife and I was thinking about how to "justify" it - because I just wanted to be free to be ME and no one else. With the Holy Spirit's help, I've overcome that and I'll share a few quotes to help you understand where I am now.

When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. ~ George Fisher

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick. ~ Bill Lemley

Looking into the dictionary, Perfect means to "have all the required or desirable elements, qualities or characteristics...; absolute, complete"* Synonyms include: ideal, flawless etc. As I pondered on the definition of the word, 2 things, actually 3, became "perfectly" apparent (pun intended)

1. I am not flawless
2. I am only complete in God (Colossians 2:20)
3. I can always be a better version of myself than I am today - and that's my commitment to myself

Thinking beyond myself, I've seen people carry on as if they are perfect and heard people talk about how they are "perfectionists" and can't help but wonder if that's why some people don't want to work with us... My preference is to strive for excellence and I agree with Harriet Braiker that

"Striving for excellence motivates you; 

striving for perfection is demoralizing."

A wise unknown person said: 

"No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers."

 

This is one reason why I've decided that rather than be perfect, I will be perfectly authentic...

 

Reference:

* Google

"I do"

On this day, almost 2 decades ago, I said my first formal "I do" to my One and Only. 2 really short words that have very long-term, actually eternal, implications. As I look back with a heart filled with gratitude to God Who alone has kept us together, indeed, it has been quite the journey with many more "I dos" and a couple "I don'ts" as appropriate.

"Thank you...

...for all you don't do."

Yes, as un-politically correct as that may seem to say that, if you take the time to think about it, it's a very valid reason to appreciate each Pastor's Wife.

Brother Lappidoth

A few weeks ago, Mr/Brother Lappidoth crossed my mind. I started wondering what life was like for him as a leader's spouse. I wondered if people had the same (or more expectations) of him since his wife, Deborah, was a Prophetess/Ministry Leader (actually a National leader) as we people have these days of Pastors' wives.


I really like the way the Living Bible translation puts the only verse where he is mentioned in the Bible:

Judges 4:4 - Israel’s leader at that time, the one who was responsible for bringing the people back to God, was Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lappidoth. (TLB)

From this verse, it was clear that Deborah was the "shepherd" of the people under God. So was Brother (or Pastor) Lappidoth automatically in charge of the Men's Ministry? Was he expected to (learn and) know how to sing, play an instrument and lead the choir?


As I wondered about this, I also wonder about the wonderful men who are married to female Pastors. What are the church members' expectations of them? Are there any? If there are, has anyone ever told (or dared to tell) them what they are?


I'm sure that this post is raising more questions than answers. I smile as I write this because I remember a dear sister - a Mrs Pastor - who shared how the members of the church came up with a list of things they expect her to do following a meeting they had in her absence. Oh my?!


All I can say as a Mrs Pastor, is seek, find and fulfill ONLY God's expectations for you. Personally, I have found that when I do that, they have also met people's expectations. And those expectations not met are best left unmet because I was created to please God by doing His will - not to please people.


For those of us who have various expectations of Pastors' wives, I ask that you be considerate. If you talk to some of them, you will realize that like me, all they did was "marry their best friend"...and then they became the wife of the Pastor when their husbands became a pastor.
Next time you start a list of expectations, on your own or with others, remember Bro Lappidoth.

Recommended Reading
http://thomrainer.com/2017/09/ten-unfair-expectations-pastors-wives/


Recommended viewing:
http://www.pursuegod.org/handling-expectations-insights-from-pastors-wives-1/

No uniformity required

Psalm 133 - ¹ Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! ² It is like the precious ointment poured on the head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his garments [consecrating the whole body]. ³ It is like the dew of [lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon the high and the lowly]. (AMP, italics mine)

There is so much talk in Ministry about Unity and it's sometimes misused...in my opinion

Get ready...

...for Pastor Appreciation Month

Last year when writing about Pastor (& Pastor's Wife) Appreciation Month, I came across this article & felt that it would be great to help us all get ready for the month ahead. Pictures mine.

What NOT to Get Your Pastor for Pastor Appreciation Month* by Eric Geiger

October is fast approaching, which means so is “Pastor Appreciation Month.” Very few folks celebrate Pastor Appreciation Month, and I am not pushing for it to become a more prominent holiday on our calendars. ...Pastors should be appreciated all the time, and not just one month a year. Pray for your pastors, pay them well, and give them time and space to love and lead their families.

At the same time, I am grateful for the few folks in every church who remember Pastor Appreciation Month, likely because the Christian radio station they listen to reminds them. Because I am no longer a “pastor” as my full-time job, I feel some freedom to speak a bit bluntly about some of the gifts our pastors, your pastors, may be in jeopardy of receiving this year. If you have given your pastor some of these gifts before, don’t feel bad. There is no condemnation here. Only grace. And your pastor really did know you cared, was honored you remembered him, and likely thought, “It is the thought that counts.” But I want to be helpful and encourage you NOT to get your pastor the following this year:

 

“Praying hands”

 

Hopefully he seeks the Lord for the joy of knowing God, for himself and his family, and for the church. But he doesn’t need another set of “praying hands.”

 

A leadership/church book you want him to read

 

If you hand your pastor a book with these instructions, “I really think YOU need to read this book. Please let me know your thoughts,” your pastor will likely not enjoy the book. Your pastor will likely wonder the entire time what deficiency you think he has in his leadership/ministry that he must read about in the book. While he may benefit from the book, it surely won’t be a relaxing read that feels like “appreciation.”

A tie

 

I know this sounds cruel, but when he opens the box, he will be thinking, “How many times do I need to wear this tie so it looks like I am grateful?” This is especially true if the tie has Christian fish on it. Or a decorated Christmas tree.
 

A Bible

He already has one. If not, you need another church.

 

A pair of tickets to a scrub matchup

Many pastors like going to games, but if you are just looking for a charitable way to offload the tickets you don’t want to the worst game on the schedule, please don’t think of your pastor first.

 

A card with nothing in it

The workman is worthy of at least a Starbucks gift card.

If your shopping list has been destroyed and you are asking yourself, “What should I get my pastor?” First, begin with this list**. And if you still feel compelled to get a gift, I suggest a gift certificate to a great restaurant, a gift card for some books, or a gift card for a sporting event or play (depending on the taste of your pastor). A gift card allows your pastor to choose the books or choose the night to spend time with his wife. Include an encouraging note and you are golden.

 

Save the “praying hands” for your uncle and the scrub match tickets for StubHub.

 

References:

* Source: https://ericgeiger.com/2014/09/get-pastor-pastor-appreciation-month/

** Mrs Pastor: I'll share this list next week

Public Service Announcement!

Those were the 3 words that dropped in my heart when I saw this picture my dear friend and fellow Mrs Pastor - to another Pastor of course - sent to me.

 

I know from personal experience how easy it is to get caught up in the "Work of the Lord" and cut out spending time with the Lord of the Work and the Word of the Lord of the Work.

Today is the 37th day of this year - 10% of the year is already gone and a good time for a "Pulse-check". The question I have for myself and I'm generously extending to you is "How much time have you (i.e. me) spent in the Work of the Lord vs. with the Lord of the Work?"

A lot of times, we (at least I) feel a pull to be on the "go" doing the work of the Lord - in response to what I call a "Public Service Announcement" whereas maybe the Holy Spirit is simply tugging at my heart to slow down and spend more time with Him. The fact of the matter is if we want to do more for God we need to spend more time with Him. Without Him, we can do nothing* and it is only when we are with Him and He is with us that Acts 10:38 is replicated in our lives:

How God anointed and consecrated Jesus of Nazareth with the [Holy] Spirit and with strength and ability and power; how He went about doing good and, in particular, curing all who were harassed and oppressed by [the power of] the devil, for God was with Him. (AMPC) 

Reference:

* John 15:4 - Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me, and I will live in you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me. (AMPC)

Cut yourself some slack

The first time I saw this picture, I had to save it for sharing

Rightly or wrongly - actually wrongly in some (if not in most) instances, we - Pastors and Mrs Pastors carry too much or let others "make" us take on too much upon ourselves.

It saddens me when I hear Mrs Pastors share that comments like "'This' or 'That' is happening because our Pastor (and/or his wife - or husband where the Pastor is a born-woman) are not praying (hard) enough" are directed at them.

Then seeing some Pastors and/or Mrs Pastors "sink into" depression over it is also "depressing."

As I've said in my first 2 posts this year in different words, God has called us to "serve our Gift(s)" - not to be God. Remember, He is God alone and He alone is God - so cut yourself some slack.

I'm not saying that we should be slack.* Far from it! We have been called and have the responsibility of living and showing others how to live right before God. However, you cannot live anyone's life for them!

Romans 12:1-2, a Scripture addressed to each individual, says: "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. ² Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." (NLT, emphasis mine)

It is each individual's responsibility to allow God to transform them. On the flip side, it is our responsibility as Pastors to ensure that the (Water of the) Word we "feed" and lead others to is pure, not polluted so that people who drink and "wash" in it are transformed - not tainted.

Reference:

* Proverbs 4:13 - Hold on to instruction; don’t slack off; protect it, for it is your life. (CEB)



Do you Pastor or

Pester????

Hmm...was all I could say to myself when the topic came to mind. I've actually literally "sat" on this topic for months. Now I don't have a choice but to share this - as we start a new year. In fact, I better appreciate how Jeremiah felt when he wrote:

...Then my heart becomes a burning fire Shut up in my bones. And I am weary of enduring and holding it in; I cannot endure it [nor contain it any longer].

(Jeremiah 20:9 - AMP, emphasis mine)   

I tread on this topic very carefully because I can easily be misunderstood. As usual, I need the Holy Spirit to break this down for each of us - and I know He will. AMEN