Just Fix Yourself

2 months ago, I read this Devotional* piece by Chris and Liz Sarno of Relevant Church. At the risk of sounding punny and funny, this is such a relevant piece for every Ministry couple that I had to share it - any comments in green font and pictures are mine:

But why?

As you already know, I enjoy people-watching now and again.

A few weeks ago, I was walking between buildings and noticed a lady pulling down her skirt. The only 2 words that popped in my head were:

"But why?"

Although I like pictures, I will not add a picture here so no one misconstrues this as approval.

Back to the topic...

Being perfect

This piece has been years - I mean YEARS - in the making. And I can tell you that it was not because I was trying to get it post-perfect - not by any means. I was really pumped about it the first time the topic dropped in my heart and then I started second-guessing myself and wondering what people would think about me - as if it really matters.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit Who has patiently and gently guided me as I've grown and taught me how to break this down - without breaking myself down (pun intended).

A few years ago, I was struggling with not being the perfect Pastor's Wife and I was thinking about how to "justify" it - because I just wanted to be free to be ME and no one else. With the Holy Spirit's help, I've overcome that and I'll share a few quotes to help you understand where I am now.

When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. ~ George Fisher

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick. ~ Bill Lemley

Looking into the dictionary, Perfect means to "have all the required or desirable elements, qualities or characteristics...; absolute, complete"* Synonyms include: ideal, flawless etc. As I pondered on the definition of the word, 2 things, actually 3, became "perfectly" apparent (pun intended)

1. I am not flawless
2. I am only complete in God (Colossians 2:20)
3. I can always be a better version of myself than I am today - and that's my commitment to myself

Thinking beyond myself, I've seen people carry on as if they are perfect and heard people talk about how they are "perfectionists" and can't help but wonder if that's why some people don't want to work with us... My preference is to strive for excellence and I agree with Harriet Braiker that

"Striving for excellence motivates you; 

striving for perfection is demoralizing."

A wise unknown person said: 

"No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers."

 

This is one reason why I've decided that rather than be perfect, I will be perfectly authentic...

 

Reference:

* Google

"Don't call her that!""

How would you feel if someone said that to you?

Startled...

Yes and that's exactly how the person that the comment, or was it a command, was directed at felt. Let me tell you how this all unfolded...

"I do"

On this day, almost 2 decades ago, I said my first formal "I do" to my One and Only. 2 really short words that have very long-term, actually eternal, implications. As I look back with a heart filled with gratitude to God Who alone has kept us together, indeed, it has been quite the journey with many more "I dos" and a couple "I don'ts" as appropriate.

"Thank you...

...for all you don't do."

Yes, as un-politically correct as that may seem to say that, if you take the time to think about it, it's a very valid reason to appreciate each Pastor's Wife.

Brother Lappidoth

A few weeks ago, Mr/Brother Lappidoth crossed my mind. I started wondering what life was like for him as a leader's spouse. I wondered if people had the same (or more expectations) of him since his wife, Deborah, was a Prophetess/Ministry Leader (actually a National leader) as we people have these days of Pastors' wives.


I really like the way the Living Bible translation puts the only verse where he is mentioned in the Bible:

Judges 4:4 - Israel’s leader at that time, the one who was responsible for bringing the people back to God, was Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lappidoth. (TLB)

From this verse, it was clear that Deborah was the "shepherd" of the people under God. So was Brother (or Pastor) Lappidoth automatically in charge of the Men's Ministry? Was he expected to (learn and) know how to sing, play an instrument and lead the choir?


As I wondered about this, I also wonder about the wonderful men who are married to female Pastors. What are the church members' expectations of them? Are there any? If there are, has anyone ever told (or dared to tell) them what they are?


I'm sure that this post is raising more questions than answers. I smile as I write this because I remember a dear sister - a Mrs Pastor - who shared how the members of the church came up with a list of things they expect her to do following a meeting they had in her absence. Oh my?!


All I can say as a Mrs Pastor, is seek, find and fulfill ONLY God's expectations for you. Personally, I have found that when I do that, they have also met people's expectations. And those expectations not met are best left unmet because I was created to please God by doing His will - not to please people.


For those of us who have various expectations of Pastors' wives, I ask that you be considerate. If you talk to some of them, you will realize that like me, all they did was "marry their best friend"...and then they became the wife of the Pastor when their husbands became a pastor.
Next time you start a list of expectations, on your own or with others, remember Bro Lappidoth.

Recommended Reading
http://thomrainer.com/2017/09/ten-unfair-expectations-pastors-wives/


Recommended viewing:
http://www.pursuegod.org/handling-expectations-insights-from-pastors-wives-1/

It's a 2-way street

A few weeks ago, I snapped at my husband over the phone. As I meditated on the incident, it was obvious that it though it wasn't a "TA" situation, it was an "SA" one. As I pondered, the Holy Spirit kindly asked/ reminded me of 3 things - in this order:

1. He asked me if my outburst aligned with these verses that I constantly challenge myself to live up to: Proverbs 31:11-12 - ¹¹ Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. ¹² She brings him good, not harm,  all the days of her life. (NLT)
2. Did I just "touch" (actually "hurt")  the Lord's Anointed knowing that God clearly says Psalm 105:15: “Do not touch my anointed ones, or harm my prophets.”*** Oh my! how could I have done that?! Now it was no longer about how I felt about my self-set standard (see #1 above), it was now about whether or not I was obeying God's Word.
3. While I was scolding myself, He then said: "You know, you are also God's anointed one... so you should not be "hurt" either." Awww...how sweet. I was happy to hear that but before I started gloating, He reminded me that this still did not justify my outburst. 

So essentially, what I learned was:

• Love and respect in marriage is a 2-way street - that must be why we have Ephesians 5:21**** in the exact location prior to the list of a husband's responsibilities to his wife and vice-versa.
• The fact that it is a 2-way street does not mean that you need to wait for traffic on the other "street" before you make progress on your side of the street.
• In marriage, you need more than love for each other to stay in love and more importantly married. You need God - Who is Love - as the 3rd cord****** to keep you and your spouse intact. It's also God that gives us the grace and humility to apologize when you are wrong...as I was.

  

  
  

I'm sure you know that there's a lot more to this post...

Well, I encourage you not to bother about what I've not said and rather look into your marriage and see how you can make sure your side of the "street"  honors God and brings pleasure to your spouse. I'm off to maintain my side of the "street"...

References:

*Transferred Aggression

** Suppressed Annoyance

*** Christian Standard Bible (CSB)

****Psalm 105:15 - “Do not touch my chosen people, and do not hurt my prophets.” (NLT)

*****Ephesians 5:21 - Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. (MSG)

******Ecclesiastes 4:12 - An enemy might be able to defeat one person, but two people can stand back-to-back to defend each other. And three people are even stronger. They are like a rope that has three parts wrapped together—it is very hard to break. (ERV)

No uniformity required

Psalm 133 - ¹ Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! ² It is like the precious ointment poured on the head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his garments [consecrating the whole body]. ³ It is like the dew of [lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon the high and the lowly]. (AMP, italics mine)

There is so much talk in Ministry about Unity and it's sometimes misused...in my opinion

My gift to you

Today is a really special day for me...so I decided to give you a gift. Actually I'm sharing a  gift I received. I really like this article and what do you know? It was published exactly 3 years ago to the day.

5 Gifts for Your Pastors for Pastor Appreciation Month (and all the time)*

October is fast approaching, which means so is “Pastor Appreciation Month.” Very few folks celebrate Pastor Appreciation Month, and I am not advocating that it become a more prominent holiday on our calendars. While I am grateful for those in our churches who express appreciation to pastors during October, it is far better for the pastors, their families, and the churches they serve if the love, support, and encouragement is ongoing. Below are two important passages and five gifts we should give our pastors.
Pastors, myself included, sometimes struggle to point out these passages because they can come off as self-serving. I likely feel more comfortable posting this because I am not serving as a “pastor” in my day-job at this point, but that shouldn’t be the case as these passages are in the Bible.

Remember your leaders who have spoken God’s word to you. As you carefully observe the outcome of their lives, imitate their faith…Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account, so that they can do this with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you. Pray for us; for we are convinced that we have a clear conscience, wanting to conduct ourselves honorably in everything.
(Hebrews 13:7,17-18)

 The elders who are good leaders should be considered worthy of an ample honorarium, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says: Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain, and, the worker is worthy of his wages.
(1 Timothy 5:17-18)

1. Pray for them.

The writer of Hebrews asked for prayer. The greatest gift you can give your pastors is prayer. Pray that the Lord will keep them to Himself, pure and blameless (1 Timothy 3:2). Pray they will persevere in life and doctrine (1 Timothy 4:16). And pray for their families as their families shoulder the burden of ministry alongside them. As you pray for your pastors, you will find yourself loving them more and more. You can’t pray for someone and despise them at the same time.

2. Imitate their faith.

The writer of Hebrews challenges us to imitate our leaders. Of course, this is a challenge for leaders to be imitable, to live holy lives in response to the grace of God. And obviously this does not mean our pastors are perfect, as the writer of Hebrews has clearly articulated Jesus as the only perfect One. But this does mean we should learn from our pastors; we should put into practice the faith we see displayed in them.

3. Follow their lead.

The writer of Hebrews says we are “to obey our leaders and submit to their authority.” The abuses of power and the ministers who fall morally do not negate the truth of this verse, and likewise should not negate our observance of it. Surely there are times when a pastor, because of sin, disqualifies himself from ministry and no longer has the privilege of asking God’s people to follow. In the same way, a pastor who distorts the truth of the gospel should not be listened to or followed (Galatians 1:9). But if we are in churches led by godly leaders who herald the truth of God’s Word, we should follow.

In His providence, God places pastors in their places of ministry. The Lord gives them unique gifts and specific passion for the churches they serve and the communities they serve in. Their passion, sense of mission, and specific gifting will and should impact the direction of the church.

4. Pay them well.

This is biblical. The church’s goal should not be to “starve the pastor to keep him humble.” That is the Lord’s work, not the work of the finance committee. Too many pastors and their families are under unnecessary financial stress because some churches are not generous in this manner.

5. Help them love their families well.

Pastors must be able to love and shepherd their own families well if they are to lead the people of God (1 Timothy 3:5). Help your pastors love their families well by not putting expectations on them that would equate to neglecting their families if they actually lived up to the expectations. Rejoice that your pastors disappoint others by not accepting all invitations so that they may invest more in their own families.

A pastor never “clocks out.” A pastor is a pastor all of the time. The responsibility is enormous as, to quote Martyn Lloyd-Jones, the pastor “is given charge of souls.” Let’s encourage, love, and support our pastors as they seek to faithfully fulfill all the duties of their ministries.

Source:
* https://ericgeiger.com/2014/09/5-gifts-pastors-pastor-appreciation-month-time/#.VCmbaCtdVA0