Be set in your ways

...to be flexible. What a paradoxical statement - and yet that is the life we have and have to live as Mrs. Pastor - at least that's how I live.

People who know me know that I like (pre) planning as much as possible. I mean, it's such a good feeling to start off your day knowing what you hope to achieve; then it's so wonderful to look back on your day & have everything on your "To do" list ticked off as "done". Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today? Indeed - why?

Thomas Jefferson said:

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today."

This is profound (& very sound) advice especially when the choice is between what you need (or want) to do for yourself and what others need (or want) you to do for them - and even that needs to be carefully considered.

WoI

What came to your mind when you saw the letters "WoI"?

Several things came to mind and I'll share 4 of them:

One thing I've always desired to be is a

Woman of Integrity

Although it is not the easiest "ambition" to achieve, I've found that it is a critical quality every Christian must obtain & maintain to live a good life. The simplest and nicest defintion of Integrity I've heard is: saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

Here are some things the Bible says about Integrity:

"The integrity of the upright shall guide them, but the willful contrariness and crookedness of the treacherous shall destroy them."  (Prov 11:3 - Amplified).

"People with integrity walk safely,

but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall." (Prov 10:9 - NLT).

"The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them."

(Prov 20:7 - NLT).

The thing that struck me about the first 2 verses is they clearly spell out the pros and cons of being a person of integrity. The 3rd verse also resonated with me because "blessed are their children who follow them." So the onus of our children being & remaining blessed rests on us...we must ensure that they follow after us.

It is up to each of us to "Direct (y)our children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." (Prov 22:6 - NLT). The easiest way to direct them is to encourage them to: " This verse leads nicely into the next WoI...

Influence is one thing that every human being has. As Mrs. Pastor, it has less to do with what we say as against what we actually do or are "seen to do". Influence is the power to affect with or without any apparent effort or intention to.

In my years as Mrs. Pastor, I've come to find out that my circle of influence is wider than I know...simply because of the well-known ripple effect. As we know, when you drop something in water, the impact goes further than the point at which the thing was dropped.

This ripple effect also underlies my desire to be a Woman of Issachar*. In addition to being a woman who has a word in due season, it is important to be well-informed so I can understand the times and know what I need to do so I'm doing the right thing at the right time. I have an urgency with this because as Mrs. Pastor, what you do or don't do has an impact on others and could influence them. Therefore, it is imperative to know and do the right things and be in position to guide others likewise. People sometimes look to us for guidance...

Finally, to excel as a WoI, we need to be Women of Involvement...

It pays to be involved in the ripple effect of your influence. To do this, you must have at least 3 "A"s in your life - amiable, accessible and authentic.

Your integrity and influence cannot "rub off" on others if you do not take the time to be relational, reachable and real.

If you put yourself (or others put you) on a pedestal...do the world around you and yourself a favour -

"Step down".

There is nothing you have achieved or possess that you were not given - so why don't you take a moment to give to others?

In aspiring to become and/or remain a WoI, let's summmarize by saying:

If you have integrity, nothing else matters. 

If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters.  ~Alan Simpson

In other words, be a Woman of Integrity first and all other things will follow...

P.S. 3 months ago, the Lord blessed me with a namesake. I cannot but pray that she grows up to be a WoI - praying that, in addition to her parents, I an involved in her life so I can inform and influence her so she lives the safe life of integrity. 



Reference:
*1 Chrononicles 12:32 - From the tribe of Issachar, there were 200 leaders of the tribe with their relatives. All these men understood the signs of the times and knew the best course for Israel to take.

 

You may want to read: http://wowconnectathisfeet.blogspot.com/2011/02/woman-of-integrity.html

Prayer Partner needed!

 Do you have a Prayer Partner?

Do you even need one?

I know there are different opinions on this matter. Some people say it is not necessary to have a Prayer Partner while others believe it is absolutely required.

Let's assume (and maybe agree) that we must all have Prayer Partners, the next question is:

"Who should be your Prayer Partner?"

Who's Mom are you?

 Happy Mothers' Day!!! At least once a year, mothers all over the world are appreciated and celebrated. As Mrs. Pastor, do you feel like the mother of the church? Does that put any pressure on you or is it a pleasurable feeling? Do you assess the effectiveness of your "Motherhood" or do you see it as a title that comes with being Mrs. Pastor?

I tread on this topic carefully because I know churches where Mrs. Pastor is referred to as "Mommy" - possibly more out of feeling that a church is a family - headed by a "Daddy" and a "Mommy". There is some logic to that - not that I agree completely - for me the most important of all the questions above is:

"Are you the mother of the church?"

This almost sounds like a trick question but it isn't. Being Mrs. Pastor brings some unexpected responsibilities with it. Sometimes it seems like you need to take full-grown adults, including those older than you, under your wing to nurture and encourage them. At other times, you are expected to know or at least notice when they are about to/actually have a "fever" - physically, emotionally or spiritually. Talk about keeping your eyes, ears, heart and arms open at all times in all places! It's not the easiest thing to do with our competing priorities & individual wants (for attention) vs. actual needs.

One joy (and honour) of any mother is to know that her children have been trained in the way of the Lord, are growing steadfastly and can stand on their own wherever they go...whether she is there or not.

This is a tough call especially with adults - you can only do your best and show your love to the brethren in your church - in the place of prayer and in the way you relate with everyone. It's definitely not a piece of cake to be looked upon/treated as and then called "Mother".

Ministry in itself is not a piece of cake but being Mrs. Pastor takes the responsibility a notch higher.

It is something to be taken so seriously that we must beware that we don't neglect our own biological child(ren) in the process. We must ensure that we also nurture and encourage them and water them regularly with the Word and in the place of prayer. Only then can you truly have a "Happy Mothers' Day" every day of our lives.

Indeed, every day is "Mothers' Day."

Lord, HELP!

I wonder if, like me, there are times - days, weeks or even months when all that comes (to your mind and) out of your mouth is:

Lord, HELP!

For me, sometimes it sounds like a yelp (i.e short, sharp cry)...which must be why this simple prayer struck me:

"Show me the path where I should go.

O Lord point out the right road for me to walk."

It is short and straight to the point - almost like an SOS. Sometimes (or shall I say, most times) there are so many options and paths we can take to accomplish a set goal - and the different people around us including our husbands have their ideas (& suggestions, not to mention directives/instructions) on which path we should take. It almost seems as if no one understands (or cares about) your internal tussle - especially when you have competing passions and you do not have clarity on the next step to take while everyone else seems to have seen the next 10 steps and are convinced that the Lord said: "go this way", "do this" or "do it this way"...

At such times, it is wonderful to be able to say: "Lord, help!"

and know that "Our help is in the name of the LORD"*

and that He is faithful to show up and help us.

Reference:

*Psalm 124:8a - NKJV

Where is my husband?

I smiled when this title dropped in my heart...

I wonder what your reaction was when you saw the title.

Being Mrs. Pastor is so involving that you could wake up one morning asking yourself: "where is my husband?" In fact, he may also wake up and ask the converse question: "where is my wife?" We all need to be cognisant of the fact that we can get so engrossed in being there for others, supporting, encouraging and praying for and with them, that we neglect our husbands, marriage, children and family life; that is a dangerous path to tread. There are so many needs out there to be met - and guess what - you, your husband and family have needs too.

Even in the ministry, there has to be "ministry-life-balance". Indeed, you must have a life apart from ministry even though for a Christian, your ministry follows you wherever you are. So we never get to "look" for each other in the "maze of ministry", my husband and I try to have some time for ourselves - it could range from being in the kitchen at the same time, watching TV after our children go to bed or going for a drive when our children are in school or visiting friends.

We cannot afford to be too busy to spend time with the person we vowed to "cleave to" for the rest of our lives and this is not about sitting beside or behind your husband in church - it is much more than that. It is all about being with him - esp. (emotionally, spiritually, physically) outside the "church." When was the last time you held hands - and it was not in a prayer meeting or for a prayer of agreement? You do not need to follow him around to be with him. You need to make all your times together count and that you have times when you're alone - not just in your bedroom. It is not selfish or unspiritual to want your husband to yourself - as your husband not as the pastor - and there is a difference.

Our priorities must be: God, Spouse, Children, Ministry then Career/Job...

do not change the order.

East or West...

...Home is best. I've always loved the rhyme in this phrase...and yet it should be the reality we all live in especially as Mrs. Pastor.

Your home has to be the best - a place of rest, a haven, a stronghold, a spa, a refreshment centre and the list goes on. With how busy our daily lives are - whether we work full-time/part-time in ministry, have a professional career, outside-the-home or stay-at-home/work from home jobs - it is so easy to let our busy-ness spill into our homes. That is definitely one thing we must all be vigilant about and guard against because it's one area that too often slips through our fingers all in the name of "being in the ministry".

Are you living in a Fishbowl?

When I saw this picture and phrase, I smiled. Then I began to wonder if I also felt that way...my response was a resounding “No”. I then realized that I need to be alert and active in ensuring that I am never put in a Fishbowl or deemed to be in one...how constricting! This phrase gives me some concern – no actually a lot more than "some" – it actually gives me a lot of concern. Was is coined by a Mrs. Pastor because that's how she felt or wanted to live or was it coined by others as indicative of their perception of how (or where) Pastor's wives live? Interesting phrase - I wonder what the thinking behind it was.

Mrs. Pastor

Life changes - many times and in so many directions -

and rightly so since change is the only constant thing in life.

I am continually amused and amazed how a lot of women (and men) start off as the wife (or husband) of an "everyday person" and wake up one morning as the spouse of a Pastor or a minister of the gospel...you'd think they saw that coming. I guess that's another way we know that we're not God Who knows the end from the beginning. Before I continue, let me take a moment to assure you (as God has assured me more than once):

Your future will be brighter by far than your past.

(Job 8:7 - Contemporary English Version)

 

I will bless you with a future filled with hope -

a future of success, not of suffering.

(Jer 29:11- Contemporary English Version)

Indeed, it is one thing to knowingly get married to someone who is already a Pastor or even to someone who is upfront in telling you that he/she has been called to (full-time) ministry. It's a totally different ball game to find out several years, months or even weeks after marriage that you are now married to a Pastor...or shall I say the person you married is now a Pastor.

Whichever way, your Pastor now lives with you and that changes things or shall a say, some things need to change. Personally, I knew in advance but I've had to make some conscious life and "style" changes. I was very conscious and cautious about the changes made so I do not lose the essence of who I am.
In wondering how other Pastors' wives are doing, I was led to set up this blog - so we have our "space" to have our say as we connect & learn from each other.

So feel free to send this link to any Mrs. Pastors (or Pastor Mrs) you know.
You never know who you will bless or encourage with your experiences and advice or whose experiences or advice will encourage and bless you.

My prayer is that this blog will help us grow and glow too...as we share our experiences and advice from "walking in Mrs. Pastor's shoes" - and there are many different sizes...which may pinch different toes. God bless.