Who do you see...

...when you look in the mirror?

I believe that that is a question each & every Mrs. Pastor needs to ask (& answer) herself when the pressures of people's expectations come her way.

"Roberta" or Robot?

Some time ago, I was thinking about my response to things especially in church and started asking myself if I'm a "Roberta" (i.e. a real person) or just a Robot?

You don’t need to be able…

Yes, you heard/read me right.

I’ve noticed that a lot of us spend time talking about how “un-able” we are…thinking that that is what matters to God. The fact is: God is able*… and that is all that matters. He does not need us to be able - in fact He intentionally looks out for those who are "unable."

God only needs us to be “available” for His use. The Bible is full of examples of people who were not able and only did great things because they were available for God’s use.**

As we celebrate Pastor's Appreciation month, as Mrs Pastor, let’s focus on being available so that when the Lord asks (more of us), we can always say: “Here I am, send me.”***

References:

*2 Cor 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace (every favor and earthly blessing) come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self-sufficient [possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation]. (Amplified)

Eph 3: 20 - Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (NLT)

** 1 Cor 1: 26-29 -  For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;  and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. (NKJV)

***Is 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom will I send? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me!” (God's Word Translation)

Pastor is not Superman...

...not to mention that Mrs. Pastor is not the Bionic Woman.

Have you noticed that people treat Pastors and Mrs. Pastor as superhuman?
I can't help but wonder if it's because of the way some of us "carry" ourselves.

Now I know that walking and working with God helps us all live supernaturally... all because our Super God works with, through and for us. However, we must be careful and never pretend that we are infallible or without human challenges.

At the risk of talking from 2 sides of my mouth, in showing our humanity and humility, we must not host any pity parties or manipulate others to "bless us."

The bottom line is that Pastor and Mrs. Pastor are everyday people too...
While it is important for those around us to realize that and hopefully "care" for and support us as much as they expect to be cared for/supported, it is more important for Pastor and Mrs. Pastor to remember (& appreciate) that too.

BTW, I gather that the 2nd Sunday in October is "Clergy Appreciation Day." Take a moment to appreciate the pastors around you and don't forget to give your husband a SPA.* Wishing you a wonderful day on Sunday and beyond...

Reference:
*http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2012/07/spa.html

Burden or...

burden-bearer?

As we start the last quarter of this year, especially as it is Pastor Appreciation Month, it's a good time to ask ourselves this soul-searching question.

I'll explain how it came up...

Are you in Ministry or "Mrs-try"?

Six months ago, I was thinking about the different ministries in our church and started asking myself whether I'm actually in "Ministry" or just in "Mrs-stry" considering the various areas where I serve.

From experience, being Mrs. Pastor is really challenging (I doubt anyone of you Mrs. Pastors out there would disagree with me).   I mean it's one thing to be clueless about your calling and then be very aware of the ministries' "calling" for your attention and action and have no choice but answer. In fact, I'm sure a lot of members see that as part of our role as his "help-meet."

Over a year ago, I wrote about "Leading ladies"* and I am concerned that this "help-meet trap" is one that we fall into too easily. You need to be a help-meet - that is not in question at all. All I'm saying is that as Mrs. Pastor, we must know and answer our calling...that is what God will reward us for. Eph 4:1 encourages us to "walk worthy of our calling" - it helps to know what it is.

Now I totally agree that this very important position of Mrs. Pastor, is in deed a "high calling."** The fact is every wife is (should be) important to her husband - but for Mrs. Pastor, it is much more than that... I know that this whole "Mrs. Pastor" thing is quite the mystery for some & unfortunately a misery for others. Personally, I have found that by walking with God, He'll shed light on what you need to do so you move from Mrs-try to Ministry - where it is much more fulfilling. I pray we can all  move from misery/mystery &/or Mrs-try to Ministry...your reward awaits you - and it will definitely be well worth it.

God bless.

References:
*http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2011/08/leading-ladies.html
**http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/07/its-high-calling.html
http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/08/xyz.html

10 Ps (2)

Continuing from last week, here are the other 5 Ps. You may have noticed that the first 5 were more "God-facing." These ones are more "people-facing" - especially as we don't have a choice but to face people whether or not we like it/them or not...now that's a different matter, so let's focus on this posting...

 

6.   Personality: I cannot overemphasize that your personality matters and you must be authentic. Being Mrs. Pastor is not an acting role in a play – it is the life you live day-in and day-out. In Cindy Dykes' words: “Be Yourself - All the Time. The temptation to play the role of the always-happy minister's wife can be overwhelming at times. Be happy, but also be real! God has gifted you with unique talents and personality traits that He doesn't want absorbed into a role you think you have to play. When you feel pressure to be or do something that's just not you, remember that your calling is to be who God created you to be.” Being yourself is easier than being someone else.

 

7.   Pedestal: Unfortunately this is one area that trips us up – maybe because it is "high." Sometimes we put ourselves on a pedestal and at other times, people put us on a pedestal - we must be careful not to be high-minded. Miranda Vande Kuyt’s advice is: “Don’t put yourself on a pedestal. 

      It’s lonely up there!  You’re not perfect; you’re human just like everybody else.  You don’t need to know all the answers now, just keep learning along the way.  By the way, your spouse is human too!  Grace covers a multitude of shortcomings.  Humble yourself.  Although the title “The…Pastor’s Wife” sounds prestigious, it’s not about you.  It’s about glorifying God through crucifying yourself and your desires and serving whom God has called you to.” Don't ever think of or try to share the glory with God-it can be fatal.

10 Ps

Since today is the 10th day of this month, I felt it will be a good day to start sharing a collation of 10 tips ( my "10 Ps") I've gained from personal experience and gleaned from other Mrs. Pastors* - italics and bold, mine. The first time the topic dropped in my heart, I wondered if there was any other material out there, so I looked and found a couple of interesting ones (yes, seek and ye shall find).

The "conclusion of the whole matter," as Solomon said, is: by and large, all Mrs. Pastors have the same, or at least very similar, challenges - in varying degrees and dimensions. So here are 10 tips from me to you - and they are not in any particular order of priority:

      1.   Priorities: I’ve shared this Hierarchy In Ministry (“HIM”) several times because we must never forget that it is all about Him – God. Cindy Dykes puts it this way: “Know Your Priorities: The ministry is your husband's job, and you're his helper. As I see it, our jobs are more to be wives and mothers than the default VBS director, church cook, or even pianist. My top priority has been to make my home a haven — family first, and then church. Set boundaries and focus on your first calling, which will allow you to follow God's leadership in church involvement.”

2.   Partnership: I’ve said this before and will say it again, as a “Mrs.” you are your husband’s helpmeet and even moreso as Mrs. Pastor. You’re there by his side to “push him up” not pull him down. In Miranda Vande Kuyt’s words: “Become your spouse’s best friend.  Churches come and go but your spouse will hopefully remain. You will probably have to move multiple times for new ministry opportunities, leaving many friends behind. Establish a strong partnership with your spouse.”

3.   Purpose: Before becoming Mrs. Pastor you must have been a Christian – yes it’s obvious since we know believers marry believers. The point is that before and beyond being Mrs. Pastor, God has a purpose and calling for you. It is important that you know what it is and do not neglect it - stir up that gift and walk worthy of His calling on your life.  Miranda Vande Kuyt’s advice is: “Find your calling in the church.  When your church hired your spouse it was not a 2 for 1 deal.  You are an individual that has unique gifts and abilities.  Find a ministry that you can be passionate about while serving.  Ask God to show you where he wants you to serve – He will.”

4.   Plug in: We must all remain plugged in to God. Cindy Dykes said: “Don’t trade ministry for spirituality. The Bible is not just a book to help you teach, it’s to make you spiritual. If every time you open your Bible, it’s for a sermon outline or teaching lesson, God can never change YOU. Let His life in you transform you into a powerful, anointed leader.”

5.   Pray: The bible advises us all to pray without ceasing. Miranda Vande Kuyt shared a simple yet profound prayer point and advice: “Pray for your marriage, your church and everything in between. Ask others to pray for you too.” Prayer must always be our first port of call and only resort not our last resort. In fact, this should be the first P. 

At the  risk of making this posting too long, let's talk about the rest next week...

Sources:

"Top 10 Tips for New Pastors’ Wives" by Miranda Vande  Kuyt -  http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/10-tips-for-new-wives/

"Tips for new minister's wives" Cindy Dykes - http://www.lifeway.com/ArticleView?storeId=10054&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&article=Tips-for-new-minister's-wives

"The Pastor's Wife's Survival Guide: Top 12 Ministry Bloopers" Dr Julie Barrier - http://www.crosswalk.com/church/pastors-or-leadership/pastors-wife-survival-guide-12-ministry-bloopers.html

What and where are your dreams - and where are you?

Before I became a Mrs. Pastor, I had a number of dreams - really big ones too.

“God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them.” 

~Author Unknown

“Keep your dreams alive.

Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision,

hard work, determination, and dedication.

Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

~ Gail Devers

 Don't let your dreams remain dreams...do something to make them come true...

Lessons from Mrs Zebedee...

Have you ever heard the saying: "Aim high at least you'll land somewhere?"

Les Brown puts it this way:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

I know the  first time or thereabouts I read about Mrs Zebedee - I couldn't help but wonder "Who does she think she is? What's so special about her children?"

Let's read the passage together: