It's about TIME-ing

Do you know the history of  "Mentoring"? Just in case you don't, please take a moment to look it up now...even if you do, I suggest you refresh your memory just so you we're on the same page. It won't take too long so you can come and continue reading this piece which I know you're looking forward to doing...

What God wants...

is UNITY not Uniformity!

It saddens me to watch how churches are cloning themselves or worse, how some churches want to "copy" another one because of that church's success in a particular area. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with wanting to learn from another church - absolutely nothing. However, everything (nothing excluded) is wrong with wanting to be a carbon copy of a church when yours has it's own distinct mandate. No one will be rewarded for fulfilling another's mandate.

Beware of PSC...

...it's not just destructive, it's a deadly disease too.

When the Lord laid this in my heart,  He warned me sternly - because a number of people in ministry Pastors and their wives are susceptible to PSC and it's very infectious. He also shared with me the following examples of people who were destroyed by or died of PSC.

Best Pastor’s Wife Advice Ever!*

The best thing about advice is you can take it or leave it... I really like this Rubber and Sponge" advice - published exactly 1 year ago. As I read it, I got more insight into being "Rubber" - you'll see my comments in purple font.

I still quote the pastor’s wife advice I was given 22 years ago.  It was simple and sage.

 

Sitting in a hair salon, I watched the seasoned pastor’s wife next to me get her Aqua-Net hair teased and set in rollers. She was in her polyester skirt, and I was in my shorts. I was convinced we were nothing alike, but I still needed some insight into this pastor’s wife gig. Somehow my naive self was convinced I could do this pastor’s wife thing better than the generation before me. (Funny how all generations think that.) All I needed was a little intel.

 

So I popped the PW question. The same question I now get asked by young women marrying that ministry man. “What advice would you give someone going into the ministry?”

 

The quickness of her answer surprised me. I had expected her to give some methodical thought to my question, or at least the spiritual courtesy of praying about it and getting back with me.

 

Speaking in her southern accent over the hum of the bowl shaped dryer on top of her head, she said,

“Sometimes you need to be like rubber and sometimes you need to be a sponge.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the pause, I stared at her blankly trying to decipher the meaning of this code.

 

Then she added, “Sometimes you need be rubber and let things bounce off of you and sometimes you need to be a sponge and know what to soak up.”

 

That was it.

 

That was it?

 

I was not real happy with my new advice. My only advice. It was a small town and she was the only pastor’s wife I knew to ask.

 

NOW, I find myself quoting her!

 

The Sundays when it feels like everyone’s opinions add up to overly critical expressions that define my very existence and identity…RUBBER! I’ve learned to let it bounce off.

 

The Sundays when I’m depleted and God puts someone in my path to help me…SPONGE. Although, I’ll admit my first internal response is to be in tough “ministry mode” and think I don’t need help or encouragement, or feel guilty if I do receive it. On these days I’ve learned to be a SPONGE and soak in the love and help of others that God has put around me.

 

The Sundays that seem tense when my husband has received some pushback from a staff member or advice from that well meaning deacon…SPONGE and RUBBER! Sometimes even the hard to hear things have some hidden truth. So, I ask myself, is there any truth here that I need to soak up? (or my husband needs to soak up and I don’t need to be defensive) I find the truth, absorb it, and let the rest of it bounce off.

 

Mrs P:

Taking the "rubber" piece a step further, the Holy Spirit said, sometimes you need to be a "Rubber eraser" - not just let things bounce off like water off a duck's back** but actually erase them from your memory so you don't have any ill feelings towards any who thought they were well-meaning or intended to be plain mean. 

Thinking about my kitchen sink, I actually like my rubber sponge; it doesn't hold too much - just enough to be effective and successful when used on a dirty pan. Now, that's another sponge perspective - "take in only what you need" and as they say let the rest flow through to the drain not to your brain. If you find it goes up (to your brain and heart instead of down (to the drain), pull out your rubber eraser...erase it and move on. Convert any "stones" hurled at you to stepping stones.   

References:

*http://arminwives.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/best-pastors-wife-advice-ever/

**http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2013/11/water-off-ducks-back.html

By his side

I often read/hear about us wives being referred to as being by our respective husbands' sides. In fact, the poem* I shared just before Mother's Day also included that phrase at least 3 times.

So what does it mean to be by your husband's side? Just like a coin, there are 2 very distinct - and conflicting - sides to this special position that only you have - in YOUR husband's life.

Speaking and Spelling in church?

2 months ago, I published a piece* similar to this on my "personal" blog (one jointly owned with my Mrs Pastor friend). When I got this from another Mrs Pastor, I felt I should share it on this "pastoral" blog for several reasons:

1. We need to do our best to be good ambassadors of God at all times - speaking well, speaks well of God (pun intended)
2. Besides revelation of the rhema of the Word - speaking and spelling correctly are tools that help us to be more effective in relaying that revelation
3. To be understood, you need to be understandable - poor grammar (sentence formation, use of tenses etc.) and wrong spelling distract people from the message.

So like the author of this article, I'd like to also ask:

Should Good Grammar Be a Ministry Competency?*

I confess. I’m a grammar cop. In fact, I am so obsessed with good grammar that my co-workers take great delight in catching my occasional written and spoken mistakes.

Perhaps, then, I’m not the most objective person to pursue this theme. I recently read again a Harvard Business Review article by Kyle Wiens, CEO of iFixit and Dozuki. The article carried the intriguing title of “I Won’t Hire People Who Use Poor Grammar. Here’s Why.” Wiens is serious. He requires every applicant to take a grammar test. Those who do poorly do not get hired. The article was written almost two years ago, yet it is still getting comments today.

As I reviewed the article, I pondered. Should we place more emphasis on correct grammar in vocational ministry? Or is such an exercise focusing on minors to the neglect of those matters that are really important?

Though some obvious exceptions exist, I lean toward a greater emphasis on good grammar in vocational ministry. Here are five reasons why:

1. We should do all things for the glory of God. Yes, we should even speak and write well for His glory. Most of us in vocational ministry have little excuse not to learn proper grammar.
2. A significant portion of ministry is communication. Ministers preach. They teach. They write articles. They author blogs. They are in both formal and informal conversations on a regular basis. If we allow for grammatical slippage, how far will we let it go?
3. Good grammar can provide greater credibility. Maybe it’s not fair, but it’s a reality. The better we speak and write, the more likely people are to listen to our message. And we have the greatest message the world has ever known.
4. Good grammar is a reflection of a good work ethic. A person who has not learned the difference between “it’s” and “its” after 30 or more years has not worked hard at grammar. If someone has not worked hard at grammar, can that mean he or she has not worked hard in other areas?
5. Learning good grammar means we take care of the details. The English language is a complicated language. Those who master it are not necessarily the smartest people; but they are people who care about details. Those who care about details in grammar are likely to care about important details in ministry.

I admit I can get picky about sentences ending with prepositions or split infinitives. Those are debated grammatical issues today. But too many people in vocational ministry simply misuse the English language in a much more egregious fashion.

Am I too picky? Do I major on minors with this issue? Are some or all of my points valid? Let me know what you think. This conversation might get interesting.

I'm hoping to read back from you on this...

WARNING:

This does not give us licence to be critical or disrespectful of others...please be careful...

Source:

* http://sapphire-and-beryl.blogspot.ca/2014/04/so-you-think-you-can-spell.html

** http://thomrainer.com/2014/03/24/should-good-grammar-be-a-ministry-competency/

"I didn't sign up for this..."

I sincerely enjoy working for and with the Lord. It was like an "adventure" when I was single... constantly looking forward to the next opportunity to be part of God’s move.

 

Becoming and being Mrs. Pastor is a totally different kettle of fish. A few months ago, in wanting to spend time with and be with my husband, I joined him and our children to set up equipment for service taking place later in the day. As I helped to move things around (and this wasn't my first time doing this), a thought crossed my mind: "I didn't sign up for this."

Help - meet

I was just going through this blog and noticed that I started this post but got only as far as the title. It's true what they say about the challenge of blank page. As I stared at the blank page, it stared back at me; so I started wondering what I was thinking about when I wrote the title.

As I kept staring at the title, it hit me that this "title" is made up of 2 words and each matter separately in our role as wives - especially  as Mrs Pastor. Let me break it down...

The Best Pastor's Wife ever...

Oh wow - this is a great piece...written by a Pastor about his wife. Curious about how I found it? Well, I did a random search for "The Best Pastor's Wife ever" and this was the 2nd result...

This is a worthy read - my comments are in purple font as usual. It's actually good "funny..." guess what I noticed as I pasted this in the post-box? This piece is about a Mrs Pastor who has the same name as one of my friends (my name for her) and today is my friend's birthday... I couldn't have planned this any better. Indeed, our times (& timing) are in God's hands.

Happy Mother's Day

Next Sunday will be the 2nd Mother's Day...the first one was on March 30th.

I believe this is a day that we share with Mothers - we have spiritual labour pains as we travail and travel alongside our husbands in ministry. I found this poem - which is not just apt but will also be a good segue to a future piece: "By his side?" which I'm still piecing together.

The Pastor’s Wife

(by Donna Golden, Georgia, USA)

We often hear of Hero(e)s

On the news at night

How someone went into a fire

To save someone else’s life

But, there’s another Hero

That we never hear about

Thou(gh) her love and dedication

Are never in a doubt

Often took (taken) for granted

Never glorified

Still she keeps on going

For the person by her side

She stands beside him everyday

No matter what is thrown their way

For he was called from above

To spread the message of GODS’ LOVE

And just as he was called

She was hand-picked too

For it takes someone special

To do what she must do

And thou(gh) he may get the glory

And he may get the fame

She will stand beside him with love

And help him just the same

She is the person he turns to

When he needs a friend

She will always be there

To the glorious end.

I would like to take this moment 

to introduce to you  a LOVELY unsung Hero

for whom GOD hand-picked to spend her life 

as The Pastor's WIFE.

My dear Mrs Pastor,
I salute and celebrate you this Mother's Day and always. Celebrate yourself too.

With much love,

Your fellow Mrs Pastor