Twelve Tips for Pastors’ Wives*

After celebrating our 2^nd “Mrs Pastor Day” last week, I felt we should have a few tips…and I’m so happy to have found these* from someone whose been one for over 20 years. She had 12 so I’ll start with excerpts of 3 today and post excerpts of the others in subsequent posts.  Note that they are not in any order of priority – I just rearranged them. As usual, my comments are in purple font.

Guard your Relationship with God

This is obvious – but Pastors and their wives struggle with maintaining their spiritual lives just as much as anyone else. There are always other demands on our time – and perhaps because those demands seem ‘spiritual’, we can fool ourselves into thinking we don’t need time with God so much. After all, if we are preparing a Bible study or a Women’s talk, we are in the Word, aren’t we? We are, but it’s not quite the same as that one-to-one intimate time with God where we are just spending time with Him for our own good. So guard that time – selfishly, doggedly – and keep it fresh. Use a devotional, keep a journal, read books on prayer and the devotional life, do whatever you need to keep it fresh. For we cannot lead others where we have not been. Mrs P: Remember the Hierarchy in Ministry? It's all about HIM.** The minute you take your eyes off Him, you'll sink - like Peter did. Don't let anyone - husband, children or church - distract you from God. No one!

Keep Romance Alive

It’s easy for your relationship to be submerged under the demands of the ministry and it all seems so ‘spiritual’ to put God and His kingdom first. But I don’t believe God ever meant us to put the church before our marriages. God should have first place in our lives and then our spouses and families – after that, the church. It is tragic if our marriages are shipwrecked because we have neglected them for the church. No one else is responsible for our marriages but ourselves. So make a date- night – weekly if you can – and guard it with your life. Allow no one and nothing to interrupt it, unless there is an extreme emergency…. Mrs P: This is so true. I intend to be deliberate about (re)introducing date days - not just nights - with my husband.*** 

Keep Your Sense of Humour

Church work is hard. A Pastor’s calling is serious. He is on call 24/7. It is relentless. He feels responsible for the flock in his care. There are heavy counselling problems, difficult theological questions, and complicated political issues within the church. It all takes its toll. Some days there doesn’t seem to be much to laugh about. But – maybe on those days more than ever – you need to remember to have fun. Keep your sense of humour. You don’t need to laugh at the problems – but you do need to maintain perspective and help your husband to maintain his. Don’t take yourself too seriously – and help your husband not to take himself too seriously. In the end of the day, the church is God’s problem – not yours. Mrs P: I agree with Mort Walker that: "Seven days without laughter makes one weak." Same fact applies to prayer. Laugh many times - about many things... 

I'll post the other tips in the coming weeks.

References:

*http://talesfromtaughlumny.wordpress.com/ministry-matters/twelve-tips-for-pastors-wives/
** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/06/preachers-wife.html
http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/07/its-high-calling.html
http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/09/10-ps.html

***http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/11/being-mrs-pastor.html
http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2013/07/marriage-matters.html
 

Happy Mrs. Pastor Day

Last year, I came up with the idea of "Mrs. Pastor's Day"* - someone has to start the day. :)

In thinking about how often our lives are described as "Living in a Fishbowl," I decided to look for a picture or 2 - and this one spoke volumes to me...

Not perfect...

...you're a person; yes, human.

 

Last month, I attended a most unusual service and was glad that I did. There was room for anyone who wanted to come but at 1 minute passed the top of the hour, I was still the only congregation member. Talk about one-on-one/personalized church service. The Chaplain was happy that I came and I was happy that I made it this time and also made her day in a way.

How secure...

...is your Home-front?

Last year, someone was telling my husband and I about an attack on a military base (barracks) when the men (fathers) were out protecting/keeping others safe. In a flash, the Holy Spirit said that's what happens in some pastors' homes. Sad...

Remember David's story in 1 Samuel 29 & 30? David and his men went out to help Achish (a Philistine king) fight the Israelites. I'm sure they were hoping that after a (successful) war, they'd go home with plunder - and provision for their families. As it turned out, they went home early only to find that in their absence, they had been plundered.

As Mrs. Pastor and Pastor (of course) we should be careful that in looking out for and looking after other people's families or even earning a living that we're not leaving our own homes unattended or unprotected. I will never tire of pointing to this verse which must be a cornerstone verse for all of us in Ministry leadership positions:

"If someone does not know how to lead [manage] his own family [household], how can that person take care of God's church?"*

It is evident that God expect us to know how to and actually lead/manage our homes before we are truly "licensed" to take care of God's family - the church.

The Bible is replete with examples of people who did the work of the Lord conscientiously but were not as conscientious in taking care of their families. Eli** and his successor Samuel*** come to mind. In fact I wrote about Samuel's wife**** 3 years ago.

Alongside our husbands, we have a responsibility to ensure that our marriage and home remain secure and fortified against the attacks of the enemy. May God give us the wisdom to have the right priorities amidst ministry pressures. AMEN!

References:
* 1 Tim 3:5 - Expanded Bible
** 1 Sam 2: 12 - Now Eli's sons were evil men [scoundrels; good-for-nothings]; they did not care about [know; respect; regard] the Lord. (Expanded Bible)
*** 1 Sam 8: 1 - 5 - When Samuel grew old, he made his sons judges in Israel. The older son was named Joel and the younger Abijah; they were judges in Beersheba. But they did not follow their father's example; they were only interested in making money, so they accepted bribes and did not decide cases honestly. Then all the leaders of Israel met together, went to Samuel in Ramah, and said to him, "Look, you are getting and your sons don't follow your example. So then, appoint a king to rule over us, so we will have a king, as other countries have." (GNT)
**** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2011/07/mrs-s-elkanah.html

Teach...don't preach

God is very careful with His choice of words. Talking about our children, He has always stressed that we teach them, not preach to them. Let's look at the place of first mention: