My gift to you

Today is a really special day for me...so I decided to give you a gift. Actually I'm sharing a  gift I received. I really like this article and what do you know? It was published exactly 3 years ago to the day.

5 Gifts for Your Pastors for Pastor Appreciation Month (and all the time)*

October is fast approaching, which means so is “Pastor Appreciation Month.” Very few folks celebrate Pastor Appreciation Month, and I am not advocating that it become a more prominent holiday on our calendars. While I am grateful for those in our churches who express appreciation to pastors during October, it is far better for the pastors, their families, and the churches they serve if the love, support, and encouragement is ongoing. Below are two important passages and five gifts we should give our pastors.
Pastors, myself included, sometimes struggle to point out these passages because they can come off as self-serving. I likely feel more comfortable posting this because I am not serving as a “pastor” in my day-job at this point, but that shouldn’t be the case as these passages are in the Bible.

Remember your leaders who have spoken God’s word to you. As you carefully observe the outcome of their lives, imitate their faith…Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account, so that they can do this with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you. Pray for us; for we are convinced that we have a clear conscience, wanting to conduct ourselves honorably in everything.
(Hebrews 13:7,17-18)

 The elders who are good leaders should be considered worthy of an ample honorarium, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says: Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain, and, the worker is worthy of his wages.
(1 Timothy 5:17-18)

1. Pray for them.

The writer of Hebrews asked for prayer. The greatest gift you can give your pastors is prayer. Pray that the Lord will keep them to Himself, pure and blameless (1 Timothy 3:2). Pray they will persevere in life and doctrine (1 Timothy 4:16). And pray for their families as their families shoulder the burden of ministry alongside them. As you pray for your pastors, you will find yourself loving them more and more. You can’t pray for someone and despise them at the same time.

2. Imitate their faith.

The writer of Hebrews challenges us to imitate our leaders. Of course, this is a challenge for leaders to be imitable, to live holy lives in response to the grace of God. And obviously this does not mean our pastors are perfect, as the writer of Hebrews has clearly articulated Jesus as the only perfect One. But this does mean we should learn from our pastors; we should put into practice the faith we see displayed in them.

3. Follow their lead.

The writer of Hebrews says we are “to obey our leaders and submit to their authority.” The abuses of power and the ministers who fall morally do not negate the truth of this verse, and likewise should not negate our observance of it. Surely there are times when a pastor, because of sin, disqualifies himself from ministry and no longer has the privilege of asking God’s people to follow. In the same way, a pastor who distorts the truth of the gospel should not be listened to or followed (Galatians 1:9). But if we are in churches led by godly leaders who herald the truth of God’s Word, we should follow.

In His providence, God places pastors in their places of ministry. The Lord gives them unique gifts and specific passion for the churches they serve and the communities they serve in. Their passion, sense of mission, and specific gifting will and should impact the direction of the church.

4. Pay them well.

This is biblical. The church’s goal should not be to “starve the pastor to keep him humble.” That is the Lord’s work, not the work of the finance committee. Too many pastors and their families are under unnecessary financial stress because some churches are not generous in this manner.

5. Help them love their families well.

Pastors must be able to love and shepherd their own families well if they are to lead the people of God (1 Timothy 3:5). Help your pastors love their families well by not putting expectations on them that would equate to neglecting their families if they actually lived up to the expectations. Rejoice that your pastors disappoint others by not accepting all invitations so that they may invest more in their own families.

A pastor never “clocks out.” A pastor is a pastor all of the time. The responsibility is enormous as, to quote Martyn Lloyd-Jones, the pastor “is given charge of souls.” Let’s encourage, love, and support our pastors as they seek to faithfully fulfill all the duties of their ministries.

Source:
* https://ericgeiger.com/2014/09/5-gifts-pastors-pastor-appreciation-month-time/#.VCmbaCtdVA0
 

Get ready...

...for Pastor Appreciation Month

Last year when writing about Pastor (& Pastor's Wife) Appreciation Month, I came across this article & felt that it would be great to help us all get ready for the month ahead. Pictures mine.

What NOT to Get Your Pastor for Pastor Appreciation Month* by Eric Geiger

October is fast approaching, which means so is “Pastor Appreciation Month.” Very few folks celebrate Pastor Appreciation Month, and I am not pushing for it to become a more prominent holiday on our calendars. ...Pastors should be appreciated all the time, and not just one month a year. Pray for your pastors, pay them well, and give them time and space to love and lead their families.

At the same time, I am grateful for the few folks in every church who remember Pastor Appreciation Month, likely because the Christian radio station they listen to reminds them. Because I am no longer a “pastor” as my full-time job, I feel some freedom to speak a bit bluntly about some of the gifts our pastors, your pastors, may be in jeopardy of receiving this year. If you have given your pastor some of these gifts before, don’t feel bad. There is no condemnation here. Only grace. And your pastor really did know you cared, was honored you remembered him, and likely thought, “It is the thought that counts.” But I want to be helpful and encourage you NOT to get your pastor the following this year:

 

“Praying hands”

 

Hopefully he seeks the Lord for the joy of knowing God, for himself and his family, and for the church. But he doesn’t need another set of “praying hands.”

 

A leadership/church book you want him to read

 

If you hand your pastor a book with these instructions, “I really think YOU need to read this book. Please let me know your thoughts,” your pastor will likely not enjoy the book. Your pastor will likely wonder the entire time what deficiency you think he has in his leadership/ministry that he must read about in the book. While he may benefit from the book, it surely won’t be a relaxing read that feels like “appreciation.”

A tie

 

I know this sounds cruel, but when he opens the box, he will be thinking, “How many times do I need to wear this tie so it looks like I am grateful?” This is especially true if the tie has Christian fish on it. Or a decorated Christmas tree.
 

A Bible

He already has one. If not, you need another church.

 

A pair of tickets to a scrub matchup

Many pastors like going to games, but if you are just looking for a charitable way to offload the tickets you don’t want to the worst game on the schedule, please don’t think of your pastor first.

 

A card with nothing in it

The workman is worthy of at least a Starbucks gift card.

If your shopping list has been destroyed and you are asking yourself, “What should I get my pastor?” First, begin with this list**. And if you still feel compelled to get a gift, I suggest a gift certificate to a great restaurant, a gift card for some books, or a gift card for a sporting event or play (depending on the taste of your pastor). A gift card allows your pastor to choose the books or choose the night to spend time with his wife. Include an encouraging note and you are golden.

 

Save the “praying hands” for your uncle and the scrub match tickets for StubHub.

 

References:

* Source: https://ericgeiger.com/2014/09/get-pastor-pastor-appreciation-month/

** Mrs Pastor: I'll share this list next week

5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs (But Doesn’t Know How to Ask For) concluded

This is the final piece of a lovely article by Kelly O’Dell Stanley. Thank you dear friend for sharing this.


4. Don’t put her on a pedestal. 
She deserves your respect, but she is flawed, just like we are. If you demand too much--or build her up too much--it is likely that she will fall. She has insecurities, and she can be hurt by your words and actions and judgments. Offer her grace if she forgets your name, or doesn’t choose your idea for a fundraiser, or picks a Bible study you don’t like, or reprimands your child, or just wears a really unflattering outfit. 


It’s hard enough for any of us to juggle our personal faith lives, the demands of family, and the responsibilities of work. Remember that she’s doing it all while everyone else watches. Be quick to offer help and slow to profess judgment, because she’s doing the best she can. She will likely do many amazing things, but if--when--she falls short, she needs your love and acceptance.


5. Let her have close friends. 
She needs a safe place to vent, an outlet where she can laugh and be silly or sit and weep over her burdens. People within the church may be jealous of her close friendships, but she needs time to be herself--without the title or responsibilities of her position. Don’t assume that she’s telling her friends your secrets; trust her integrity. But be glad for her when she can find time to have fun, and don’t criticize her if she’s not always available. 


If you’re one of her close friends, offer her a listening ear and lots of laughter. She may not want advice; she just needs a friend to share her wild and crazy, difficult and demanding, absurd and wonderful life with. Pray for her and appreciate her, but don’t get possessive. Chances are, she is in control of very little of her time, so say yes when she finds a few minutes to offer you.


Pray with me? 
Dear Lord, it is an honor and a privilege to serve You. But some roles, like that of a pastor and his wife, come with weighty expectations. Help me not to place unreasonable expectations on those who serve You, and replace my judgment and criticism with passionate prayer and generosity of spirit.


Thank You for the dedication of my pastor’s wife. Thank You for the woman she is--the good and bad, the strong and the weak. Show me how to love her just as she is, and teach me to appreciate the particular ways You have designed her to fulfill it. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
 
Kelly O’Dell Stanley is the author of Praying Upside Down and Designed to Pray. A graphic designer who writes (or is it a writer who designs?), she's also a redhead who’s pretty good at controlling her temper, a believer in doing everything to excess, and a professional wrestler of doubt and faith. She blogs at kellyostanley.com and calls small-town Indiana her home.
Photo courtesy: Thinkstockphotos.com
Publication date: January 26, 2017

5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs (But Doesn’t Know How to Ask For) cont'd

The first part of this lovey and loving piece by Kelly O’Dell Stanley was shared last week. 1. Remember that each woman is different, and that there are many ways to successfully serve God and the Church as the wife of a pastor.  Give her the gift of allowing her to be exactly who she is, without pretense. If she’s musical, let her sing. If she’s not, don’t force her. If she’s an introvert, don’t throw her in front of huge crowds unexpectedly, and if she’s an extrovert, don’t forbid her to reach out to people. She may be similar to the last pastor’s wife--or the polar opposite. But that’s okay because God gave us all different gifts and personalities. Let her be the woman God made her to be, and don’t try to force her into your image of what that should look like. 2. She needs worship time as much as anyone. Let her have it.  Don’t assault her with problems and petty complaints when she walks in the church doors, and unless it’s urgent, don’t pull her out of the church service to tell her details of your latest drama. If you can, give her time to come before God on her own. To let God renew and refresh her, and to allow her to unburden herself of the week’s worries.  She carries more than you probably realize--so many people’s secrets and fears and ugly realities--and she knows that God is the only One who can equip her to serve with a pure heart. Give her this time to worship God in whatever way she chooses--whether expressively or quietly, whether from the front of the stage or in the back row of the pews. Her personal faith is immensely important, and just like the rest of us, she has to devote herself to finding intimacy with God--in church and at home. 3. Love her family.  Just as she doesn’t need the weight of unreasonable expectations, neither does her family. Her kids will make mistakes. They might act out or make poor decisions at times, and she and her husband might have struggles in their own relationship or extended families. This is just the way life is, not a reflection of your pastor’s ministry or walk with God. When these things happen, embrace her family just as they are, and encourage them like you would anyone else.  On the flip side, don’t make her feel guilty when things are going smoothly--when they receive financial blessings, or have a happy marriage, or their kids excel. Life is a series of ups and downs, and God is present in both the trials and the triumphs. Their blessings don’t diminish what God has for you, nor is God’s will in their lives better or more valuable than what He will do in yours.  However, in order to have a good family life--and in order to have the strength to do their jobs well--they need time together. Alone. Make sure to keep their vacation time uninterrupted, and encourage your pastor and his wife to do things together, just the two of them. She needs his attention, too.   Kelly O’Dell Stanley is the author of Praying Upside Down and Designed to Pray. A graphic designer who writes (or is it a writer who designs?), she's also a redhead who’s pretty good at controlling her temper, a believer in doing everything to excess, and a professional wrestler of doubt and faith. She blogs at kellyostanley.com and calls small-town Indiana her home. Photo courtesy: Thinkstockphotos.com Publication date: January 26, 2017

5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs (But Doesn’t Know How to Ask For)

I received this lovely piece from a very dear friend and Mrs Pastor. You can see so much love in this... Do you ever feel like you are saddled with the weight of other people’s expectations on top of your own burdens? I do. But imagine what it would be like to have everyone watching you--seeking your advice but also witnessing your failures. Needing your family’s help but judging their every move. Loving you but expecting more than you have to offer. I am not a pastor’s wife, although in my own ministry, as an author, I’ve seen something similar. But today I’m talking to you as a close friend of the wife of a pastor, sharing some of the insights I’ve had from observing and talking to her and others in her position. Most pastors’ wives I know are widely loved by their churches and treated with kindness and good intentions, but that role may be paired with unreasonable expectations, quick judgment, and a heavy burden to carry. Think about it. If the pastor’s wife gets involved in every situation people bring to her, she’s controlling. If she tries to correct someone, she’s abrasive. If she doesn’t show her insecurities, we think she’s “all that” and too good for us, and if she lets us see her flaws and mistakes, we judge her for not being holy enough. If she guards time with her family, she may be seen as selfish and unavailable, and if she doesn’t, she’s judged for her wifely and motherly failures. And yet the pastors’ wives I’ve known tend to be deeply spiritual--this is not just their husband’s faith, but their own source of strength. They work hard, often behind the scenes without the credit and acclaim given to their husbands, and have the added responsibility of being his sounding board and helper. They open up their homes and their families to the church (and many outside of the church)--as well as to our intense scrutiny.  So what can we do to help them? To put actions behind our words of appreciation? To show our love and respect? Your pastor’s wife might never ask for these things, yet I believe giving them to her will enable her to serve with joy and gladness. To be continued... Kelly O’Dell Stanley is the author of Praying Upside Down and Designed to Pray. A graphic designer who writes (or is it a writer who designs?), she's also a redhead who’s pretty good at controlling her temper, a believer in doing everything to excess, and a professional wrestler of doubt and faith. She blogs at kellyostanley.com and calls small-town Indiana her home. Photo courtesy: Thinkstockphotos.com Publication date: January 26, 2017

Public Service Announcement!

Those were the 3 words that dropped in my heart when I saw this picture my dear friend and fellow Mrs Pastor - to another Pastor of course - sent to me.

 

I know from personal experience how easy it is to get caught up in the "Work of the Lord" and cut out spending time with the Lord of the Work and the Word of the Lord of the Work.

Today is the 37th day of this year - 10% of the year is already gone and a good time for a "Pulse-check". The question I have for myself and I'm generously extending to you is "How much time have you (i.e. me) spent in the Work of the Lord vs. with the Lord of the Work?"

A lot of times, we (at least I) feel a pull to be on the "go" doing the work of the Lord - in response to what I call a "Public Service Announcement" whereas maybe the Holy Spirit is simply tugging at my heart to slow down and spend more time with Him. The fact of the matter is if we want to do more for God we need to spend more time with Him. Without Him, we can do nothing* and it is only when we are with Him and He is with us that Acts 10:38 is replicated in our lives:

How God anointed and consecrated Jesus of Nazareth with the [Holy] Spirit and with strength and ability and power; how He went about doing good and, in particular, curing all who were harassed and oppressed by [the power of] the devil, for God was with Him. (AMPC) 

Reference:

* John 15:4 - Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me, and I will live in you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me. (AMPC)

Avoid the cage

Sometime last year a pastor highlighted this "cage." And it's so true that too many people are "titled" and trapped by their own titles. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about?

"Ministry Mis-spake"

Now and again I have to catch myself so I don't make a "mistake" or shall I say "Ministry Mis-spake". Several times last year I thinking about how close I was to "saying it as it is" - e.g. asking people who may not be "behaving" the way I/others expect: "What's wrong with you?"


I'll be surprised if I'm the only Mrs Pastor that feels that way...I know I'm not. I know because I shared my internal dilemma with one or 2 of my Mrs Pastor friends and they felt similar.


I know that there is a time to say such things - as a Reality Check for the individual - or maybe for myself and my expectations however, I also know that I must choose my words very carefully so I don't misspeak and end up with a "Ministry mis-spake". As we know, words have the power of life and death and once spoken, they are spoken. As far as I know, the only thing better than apologizing for saying the wrong thing, is not saying the wrong thing at all.


While still "speaking" about speaking (pun intended), another thing that can trap any Mrs Pastor is when people - including current, past or even non-members of the church - come to talk to you about someone else. Rather than listen and give sound Spiritual advice or shut down the "conversip" (my coinage of a conversation intertwined with gossip), she contributes to the conversation/conversip and even spreads it. We must be really careful that we are never a source or "fuel"; Proverbs 26:20 reminds us that:

Where there is no fuel a fire goes out; 

where there is no gossip arguments come to an end. (CEV)

I guess that the reason why God wanted me to share this is that as women we are really susceptible to "speaking." This is not to say that our husbands are not but I'm sure you know that Pastors have more "latitude" than Mrs Pastors when they say things; hence God wants us to avoid "Ministry mis-spakes" for our own good - and of course for the good of others.
Whatever you say and whenever you speak "Let your conversation be gracious as well as sensible, for then you will have the right answer for everyone." (Colossians 4:6 - LB)

Cut yourself some slack

The first time I saw this picture, I had to save it for sharing

Rightly or wrongly - actually wrongly in some (if not in most) instances, we - Pastors and Mrs Pastors carry too much or let others "make" us take on too much upon ourselves.

It saddens me when I hear Mrs Pastors share that comments like "'This' or 'That' is happening because our Pastor (and/or his wife - or husband where the Pastor is a born-woman) are not praying (hard) enough" are directed at them.

Then seeing some Pastors and/or Mrs Pastors "sink into" depression over it is also "depressing."

As I've said in my first 2 posts this year in different words, God has called us to "serve our Gift(s)" - not to be God. Remember, He is God alone and He alone is God - so cut yourself some slack.

I'm not saying that we should be slack.* Far from it! We have been called and have the responsibility of living and showing others how to live right before God. However, you cannot live anyone's life for them!

Romans 12:1-2, a Scripture addressed to each individual, says: "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. ² Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." (NLT, emphasis mine)

It is each individual's responsibility to allow God to transform them. On the flip side, it is our responsibility as Pastors to ensure that the (Water of the) Word we "feed" and lead others to is pure, not polluted so that people who drink and "wash" in it are transformed - not tainted.

Reference:

* Proverbs 4:13 - Hold on to instruction; don’t slack off; protect it, for it is your life. (CEB)



Do you Pastor or

Pester????

Hmm...was all I could say to myself when the topic came to mind. I've actually literally "sat" on this topic for months. Now I don't have a choice but to share this - as we start a new year. In fact, I better appreciate how Jeremiah felt when he wrote:

...Then my heart becomes a burning fire Shut up in my bones. And I am weary of enduring and holding it in; I cannot endure it [nor contain it any longer].

(Jeremiah 20:9 - AMP, emphasis mine)   

I tread on this topic very carefully because I can easily be misunderstood. As usual, I need the Holy Spirit to break this down for each of us - and I know He will. AMEN

Service required...

...from "servants" or from "Leaders"?

This passage is a very interesting and introspective one for this post...let's read it first:


²⁴ Now a dispute also arose among them as to which of them was regarded to be the greatest. ²⁵ Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles have absolute power and lord it over them; and those in authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ ²⁶ But it is not to be this way with you; on the contrary, the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest [and least privileged], and the [one who is the] leader, like the servant. ²⁷ For who is the greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves. (Luke 22:24-27 - AMP, italics mine)


Jesus was very clear on what He expected from His disciples  - long before they received the Gift of the Holy Spirit, before they were called "Apostles" and before they became leaders in their time. Jesus' expectation of His disciple - you and I - has not changed. So I find it very interesting that we like to be referred to by our gifts and expect those around us to "serve."


Before we go forward, let's take a step back to read what Paul and Peter said about our "Gifts":


Ephesians 4:11 - And [His gifts to the church were varied and] He Himself appointed some as apostles [special messengers, representatives], some as prophets [who speak a new message from God to the people], some as evangelists [who spread the good news of salvation], and some as pastors and teachers [to shepherd and guide and instruct], (AMP)

1 Peter 4:10 - Just as each one of you has received a special gift [a spiritual talent, an ability graciously given by God], employ it in serving one another as [is appropriate for] good stewards of God’s multi-faceted grace [faithfully using the diverse, varied gifts and abilities granted to Christians by God’s unmerited favor]. (AMP, italics mine)

We have been given various gifts not for self-recognition rather for selfless service to God's people. This picture my friend and fellow Mrs Pastor sent to me puts it so well... God has given us various gifts and desires that we serve Him and serve others as His hand extended. His desire is that as our Master at the end of time He is able to say to us, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little, I will put you in charge of many things; share in the joy of your master.’ (Matthew 25:23 - AMP)

As we step into this New Year,  I want to encourage us to focus on "Serving our Gift" versus expecting others to "Serve us because of our gifts" - and I'm sure we will hear "Well done, good and faithful SERVANT" each day of the year. Happy New Year! Welcome to the Year of Service.