Remain his wife

Husband: "You're my wife!" 

Wife: "Yes and I don't want to become your widow!"

What would you do if you overhear an exchange similar to this? I was amused and totally agreed with the wife's response. In this instance, a wife was trying to encourage, more like force, her husband to eat healthy and he was demanding things he shouldn't eat and brought out the "you are my wife!" hammer...

It reminded me of how too many men use (and sometimes abuse) the popular "Wives submit to your husbands"* phrase. After listening to that exchange I started asking myself how much I express and exert the "I want to remain your wife, not become your widow" mindset.

As Mrs Pastor, my husband is busier than __________, ok I don't know who. The bottom line is, he's busy - I'm sure you know what I mean. Remember the "Where is my husband?" piece - you can read it again if you missed it.**

Much as we've been called to serve others, we must always remember that we can go further in ministry as we stay strong and healthy. As this year wraps up, please make one resolution  (for life) to remain your husband's wife, and not to become his widow. Similarly take really good care of yourself - including remaining attractive :) - so he remains your husband and not your widower.

Reference:
* Eph 5: 22 - 30 - ²² You wives must submit to your husbands’ leadership in the same way you submit to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is in charge of his wife in the same way Christ is in charge of his body the Church. (He gave his very life to take care of it and be its Savior!) ²⁴ So you wives must willingly obey your husbands in everything, just as the Church obeys Christ.
²⁵ And you husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to the Church when he died for her, ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s Word;²⁷ so that he could give her to himself as a glorious Church without a single spot or wrinkle or any other blemish, being holy and without a single fault. ²⁸ That is how husbands should treat their wives, loving them as parts of themselves. For since a man and his wife are now one, a man is really doing himself a favor and loving himself when he loves his wife! ^29-30 No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body the Church, of which we are parts. (Living Bible)
** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2011/04/where-is-my-husband.html

Time to give

I really wonder why people wait for Christmas time to be generous. We must all realize that giving should be the way of living not something "wrapped" into a particular season.

I believe that much as a church should teach about giving to the church, it should also exemplify giving because a giving church is a blessed and happy church. Like Ben Carson says: "Happiness doesn't result from what we get, but from what we give."

So as this "season of giving" comes, I encourage you to come up with ways to inspire generosity and increase giving outside the church. If you take the time to look around, you'll see that needs abound; may our seeds abound much more.

Wishing you and yours a memorable Christmas - especially as you make it memorable for others... God bless!

Precious presents

Christmas is the Season of giving. With ~10 days to Christmas Day and people already exchanging gifts (presents), I'm sure it's obvious that there are presents & there are presents. There are expensive presents & there are precious presents. For instance, Jesus is both an expensive and precious presents... My family and I have also been blessed to received both types - I'll focus on an example of a precious one today...

What propels you?

Passion or Position?

Recently, I was sharing some challenges I'm having in ministry with another lady and she suggested: "Give them positions and they'll show up and participate." The first thing that came to my mind was: "What?!" Thankfully it didn't come out of my mouth because there were other words that quickly followed the "what" in my mind...and they may not have come out right.

Mentoring without a mentor...

As Mrs Pastor, I'm sure you know or have found out that without it being said directly, church members' expectation is that Mrs Pastor has a good reputation above reproach - almost bordering on perfection - I won't go there. For now, let's focus on what the Bible says in a roundabout way about Mrs. Pastors (& male Ministers' wives) when referring to the choice of church leaders:

"Noted"

Have you noticed how rich this world, especially the church, is with ideas of what we should do (better)? Try having what I call a “blank sheet of paper” meeting. You’ll end up with a book – actually a catalogue of things “we” can do.

Water off a duck's back...

Have you ever heard the saying: "Water off a duck's back?" Well, over the years, it's one phrase I've come to love and use a lot when describing myself.

It's an idiom that encourages us not to notice or dwell on negative words directed at us. It's not the easiest thing to do. However, when you realize that ducks swim (& feed) in water and yet water doesn't stick to them, you'll know that God must have made them that way for a reason...

...so Mrs Pastors and others can learn from them.

Beware of Parallel lines

I really cannot remember exactly how this topic came to me - I just remember it had something to do with the level or lack of relationship between church members.

It is fearful and even depressing to go to a church filled with what I'd call "parallel line" members...who are on their own all the time.

From personal experience, I know that when you first join a church you don't know who's who and may want to take your time to get to know people and "choose" who you relate with and how (deeply) you do. I fully understand that. What I don't get is when people just come and go - never wanting to be involved in anyone's life or in the church and clearly not wanting anyone in their space.

The paradox with such people is when something (especially negative) happens to them they wonder where their church members are and start broadcasting: "There's no love in the church. No one cares." I mean how can you say there is no love if you refuse to become part of the "Loving and Giving Circle?"

As a church member and Mrs Pastor, I'm more comfortable in a church where the members are interacting with each other - not just with the Pastor (& his family) - but are truly and regularly involved in each other's lives.  I'm aware that in interacting with each other, sometimes we can even get tangled and need help sorting out knots. I mean that's the essence of church - being there for each other and that sometimes results on stepping on each other's toes.

Church is meant to be a "Loving and Giving circle" - yes a bigger family and no family thrives on parallel lines. I almost feel that I may be "preaching to the choir" because in some instances, some pastors or more so Mrs Pastors want to be "left alone." In other words, their actions say: "I'm your pastor's wife - here to do a job or be by his side and that's all - no one should get into my business."
I agree that some of us may have been hurt (or burnt) before when we tried the "Loving and Giving circle" however, if Jesus didn't (& hasn't) given up on us - we shouldn't give up on interacting with others. The next time you want to live as a parallel line (as I sometimes want to) or see someone who wants to be a parallel line, ask yourself or them: "What if Jesus lived as a parallel line?"

How strong are you?

A weeks days ago, I was chatting with a dear friend (and fellow Mrs Pastor) - and ended up sharing what my definition of a strong woman is.

Before sharing my definition with more of us, I was curious about other people's definitions. This quote is a great starting point because I both agree and disagree with it...please "read" me out...

Leading sheep

So far we have covered these 4 qualities of effective leaders:
Like sheep
Example
Amiable
Determined

An Afghan proverb goes:

If you think you're leading and no one is following you,

then you're only taking a walk.

2 more qualities you need to lead

Last week we started discussing the leadership attributes that we and our husbands need to be great leader-sheep... I know it sounds awkward but when you think about the fact that we're leaders of sheep and sheep ourselves, "Leader-sheep" is a perfect title for us.

Leader-sheep - does that describe you?

As a sign of my appreciation for all our Pastors and you my fellow Mrs Pastors, I'd like to share a bit on how I believe we can be (or become and also remain) all that God what's us to be as leaders...of His sheep - as leader-sheep.

Happy CAM!

I was wondering what we should talk about this month and the Holy Spirit reminded me about this - so rather than start from scratch, I thought it will be great to read about this from another source - then add my comments:

Clergy Appreciation Month is a special time that congregations set aside each year to honor their pastors and pastoral families for the hard work, sacrificial dedication and multiple blessings provided by these special people. It is typically scheduled in October, but can be held at any time that is convenient for the church and the community. It is also important to remember that appreciation, affirmation and prayer support of our spiritual leaders is appropriate throughout the entire year.

The nature of the service provided by pastors and their families is unique. God has entrusted to them one of the most precious of assignments — the spiritual well-being of His flock. When a pastor becomes ineffective, the very souls of his or her parishioners are endangered. When eternity is in the balance, we should all be concerned.

Pastors and their families live under incredible pressures. Their lives are played out in a fishbowl, (picture mine) with the entire congregation and community watching their every move. They are expected to have ideal families, to be perfect people, to always be available, to never be down and to have all the answers we need to keep our own lives stable and moving forward. Those are unrealistic expectations to place on anyone, yet most of us are disappointed when a pastor becomes overwhelmed, seems depressed, lets us down or completely burns out.

That’s why God has instructed us to recognize His servants.

“The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching” (1 Timothy 5:17).

The good news is that we can make a difference! Clergy Appreciation Month is one way we can counter the negative erosion in the lives of our spiritual leaders with the positive affirmation they need.

Don’t your pastors and their families deserve this kind of recognition? Do something about it today!

Mrs Pastor's comments:
After reading this well written piece I started wondering how many Pastors and/or Mrs Pastors (and maybe their children) get "offended" when their church members don't "appreciate" them at all or as much as they think they deserve. I can understand why some of us may feel this way though I don't believe that it's worthy of being offended for. The thing that struck me in this article is how much and how many times the pastor's family was mentioned. Since this is Clergy Appreciation Month, let's take the time to appreciate our husbands and children - because it's only because we're united that we can progress the work of God in our hands. Yes, don't wait to be appreciated - appreciate yourselves - everyday, every month, in every way. Happy CAM!

Source:
http://thrivingpastor.org/clergyappreciation/

Talent vs. Character...

On the 10th of June, I was blessed to listen to Joyce Meyer and she was talking about how those of us in ministry are quick to appoint people with some talent into places of leadership without realizing that:
"Though talent may take them places, it’s character that keeps them there..."

"Plan B"

Something happened to me a few months ago and I just realized how much "pressure" Mrs Pastors are sometimes under. If we had a motto for Mrs Pastors to live by, it will have to be the same as the Boys Scouts' Motto: Be Prepared

My story: My family and I were on our way to church when someone called my husband to say that they could no longer take an assignment. Without missing a heart-beat, my husband turned to me and informed me that I'll need to take that assignment on - in addition to the other assignment I already had.


There was no question if I was ok with it - none whatsoever. It was a reassignment and that was it. I then started wondering how many people & assignments I need to be a "Plan B" or back-up resource for. Note that I'm not complaining just wondering...

I guess 2 Timothy 4:2 is meant to prepare us (all Christians) in a way:  

Preach the Good News [Gospel]. Be ready at all times [whether it is convenient or inconvenient; in season or out of season], and tell people what they need to do [correct; reprove]. Tell them when they are wrong [Rebuke]. Encourage [Comfort; Exhort] them with great patience and careful teaching [all patience and teaching],*

Having said that, it can be a challenge living as a "Plan B" for others & being your own "Plan A" at all times. Talk about always being on top of your game - it's just that this is not a game we're dealing with people's destinies. So each time I need to be "Plan B," I simply draw on God for grace to bring Him praise.

Source:
* Expanded Bible 

Power-full dressing

 

Last month, we talked about "Mrs Pastor vs. Power dressing." A futile fuss.
This time, we'll put some more on to that topic (pun intended).

If you remember, we said that "power dressing" is the term used to describe dressing in a particular way to reflect ambition and authority - it's actually an assertive style of dressing designed or believed to improve the wearer's status, influence, or effectiveness in business.* This description is so clear and ties to God's expectation of us as His ambassadors. As we know, the way you dress says a lot about you - remember, man considers people's appearances.** Like Bishop Oyedepo says:

"Dress the way you want to be addressed."

FYI?

I'm sure we know what "FYI" stands for. Just to be clear since I have my personal collection of abbreviations and acronyms, it stands for: "For Your Information."

When you think about the phrase, it clearly doesn't suggest any action on your part in response to the info. The info is just there - so you know it's there - period. It's up to you to act or not.

"Drop that spoon!"

I remember watching my Mum and Aunties feeding infants - "Ahhhh-woom" was the phrase they used to encourage each infant to open his/her mouth and in went the spoon and the food. I use(d) the same technique with my children and other children...it works each time without fail.

The Typical Pastor’s Wife is Dead

I subscribe to Women of Faith and got this piece last Monday however when one of my Mrs Pastor friends sent me again I couldn't resist sharing it. I would like to know what you think about it...feel free to post your comments.

 

We think the “typical” pastor’s wife or woman in ministry is dead. You know, that woman who had it all together, never seemed to struggle, played the piano, attended every event, and met everyone’s expectations—although she could have had some help with her wardrobe.

 

Those of us in ministry have heard, read and said “I’m not the typical pastor’s wife” so many times, we’ve started to wonder if she really ever existed at all, or if she really only existed in people’s minds and expectations. We spend mass amounts of time, energy, emotion, and effort comparing ourselves to a myth. And the problem is—we fall short. Our attention turns to our shortcomings and failings instead of staying focused on God and who He created us to be.

But the truth is, God knew exactly what He was doing, exactly who He was calling. He knows our shortcomings and our struggles, and He has extended His call to leadership and ministry anyway.

Maybe “typical” isn’t what we thought. Maybe there is a new typical. Maybe we are typical. The more we talk to pastors’ wives and women in ministry, the more we realize how alike we are. Regardless of age, location, denomination, church style, church size we all have the same questions, struggles, and difficulties.

 

It is time to embrace the knowledge that maybe we are typical—women wanting to know Jesus, support our husbands, love our children, care for our churches, and grow in love and grace. We find peace as we cling to Him in times of challenge—wrestling with our own shortcomings, keeping our heads up during the tough times, acknowledging that we won’t be all things to all people, yet making ourselves available to fellow strugglers.

We learn to trust the sovereignty of the Almighty God who has called us to partner with Him in His work—finding purpose in our unique giftedness, comfort in knowing He doesn’t make mistakes, and rest as we embrace who He made us to be.

We are not perfect. But we may well be typical, and that is fine by us.

Lori Wilhite serves alongside her husband Jud who is the Senior Pastor at Central Christian Church in Las Vegas. They love getting to be part of God changing Sin City into Grace City. She is the founder of Leading and Loving It and is also the co-author of Leading and Loving It: Encouragement for Pastors’ Wives and Women in Leadership. Lori and Jud have two kids, Emma and Ethan. They also have the world’s cutest bulldog, Roxy. Lori is slightly Jane Austen obsessed and should buy stock in Starbucks since Chai-tea Lattes are a necessity.

Source:
http://www.womenoffaith.com/2013/08/the-typical-pastors-wife-is-dead/?

Leading and Loving It: Encouragement for Pastors’ Wives and Women in Leadership

This new book from Lori Wilhite and Brandi Wilson gives readers tools for understanding that external pressures and expectations are only important if they fall in line with what God intends for your life and ministry.  They give answers for how to deal with criticism, isolation, finding your personal calling, what happens when you reach a place of burn-out, and more.
Pre-order your copy (or a copy for your pastor’s wife) today.
 “If ever there were two leaders that can speak truth, life, love, and encouragement into the hearts of pastor’s wives and women in leadership, it’s Lori and Brandi. Their gut honest stories make them authentic. Their struggles make them trustworthy. Their wisdom makes them a must-read. Hands down if you buy a ministry leadership book this year, it should be LEADING AND LOVING IT.” —Lysa TerKeurst

“As someone who’s been involved with ministry for over twenty-five years, I can honestly say that pastor’s wives are the lifeblood of the Church. This resource will help women along the way who are struggling in the journey or need encouragement in their current season. I’m so proud of Lori and Brandi for their courage, passion, and heart for leaders in ministry!” —Christine Caine

The Waiting Room

The Waiting Room is not a place that anyone likes to spend time in - well I usually don't. The WAITing room is sometimes filled with Worry-ing, Anticipat-ing, Inquir-ing & Tension. There is no guarantee that people will never be in a WAITing room, however, I know another and better Waiting Room that eases it.

Mrs. Pastor vs.

Power dressing

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes (or in your seat) as you read this. If I were you, I'd be wondering:

"How did she come up with this and where is she heading with it?"

Hold that thought...I'll tell you how and more importantly where it came up...

Know to show?

A lot of people believe that they need to "show (off)" what they know - especially in church. I find that some people just go on and on speaking "Christian-ese" with so much ease or are just full of spiritual principles without supporting practice. I'm always saddened and amused but sometimes can't say how I feel about it since it could sound "judgmental" coming from Mrs Pastor.

How salty is your church?

How tasty is your world?

Talking to every Christian, Jesus said: “Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.” (Matt 5:13 - The Message)

These questions (i.e. the topic) dropped in my heart when I listened to Bishop David Oyedepo a few months ago. He said that

"We're the salt of the earth,

not the salt of the church."

Therefore, in my opinion, those who remain salt in the church and only in and to the church make the church too "salty." I'll explain...

Who are your two-thirds?

Chatting with my Prayer Partner (PP) brought this interesting topic up. After you read this, I pray you are prompted to do exactly what we did after our discussion - pray for your husband...

Marriage matters

As Mrs. Pastor, one thing I am constantly reminded of is that my marriage matters and whether or not you want to accept it, it is expected (and has to be) an example to others. I found a few quotes that got me thinking differently...

Zig Ziglar said "I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you."

In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer. ~ H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver

The more you invest  in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. ~ Amy Grant

Motto for the bride and groom: We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.

~ Phyllis Koss

Whatever comes your way, remember to connect, communicate and celebrate with each other constantly. Can you imagine what our churches would be like if our "husband" Christ never connected, communicated or celebrated us and vice versa? Let's learn from the Lord and have exemplary marriages. May God continue to bless your marriage - and mine too. AMEN!

To host or not to host?

Before you wonder how I could ask such a question let's be clear that the Bible tells us we should be hospitable* - it's even a requirement for church leaders.**

I remember a friend who teased me about getting ready to cook and host sometime after my husband started pastoring. I smiled & wondered with a "Hmmm?" - in my mind of course. I've noticed that a number of "hosts" and "hostesses" - Mrs. Pastors included - miss the point of hospitality and hosting which is why this question "To host or not host?" popped in my heart.

Which type of MUG are you?

You may not be like me or some women I know who have different shapes and sizes of mugs with varying sentimental values. Personally, there are some mugs that I use just because they have not been used in a while. There are some which I only, or mostly, use when I need to host many people. BTW, each family member has a favourite mug - or 2.
 

The bottom line is: "

Every mug I have is useful but not every mug gets used."

You can make a cuppa in one of your mugs as you continue reading...

Be(come) a Handy-woman

Do you know how to use a hammer? A lot of us believe that it's not a woman's place to know how to use some of those tools and/or to fix things (around the house). I used to think a bit like that although I know how to use basic tools. I started rethinking that stand after reading 2 scriptures - one has to be taken figuratively and the other literally.

Fathering Pastor or Pastoring Father

I've been praying and wondering what to say to our husbands this Father's Day. Last week, my husband and I were talking about how interesting that in the past there used to be an unwritten rule about only allowing those who were married, and in some cases family men, to become pastors. It sure has some scriptural basis (see 1 Tim 1:1-7 and Tit 1: 6-8) however, we agreed that it is not enough to "qualify" a man to become a pastor. In fact we went further to say that not every man who has fathered children has "credibility" to talk about being a father.

The Willing Wife...

...is the Winning Wife.

That sounds like a mouthful and I'm wondering what I'm getting myself into.

This topic occurred to me when I was writing my piece titled: "The Gift."*
I then decided to wait till I was in the right frame of mind not to mention right "heart-space" before writing this. Being willing is not something that happens willingly - pun intended - at least that's how it is for me sometimes.

Vunerable...

is valuable.

"It's good to be strong and able to bless others, yes. But we learned the value of being vunerable enough to let others be strong for us, to let others bless us. That, it turned out, was a blessing to them as well."

When I read these words on page 153 of "Heaven is for Real" - a book my colleague lent to me unsolicited, there was no way I'd leave the words on that page. By the way, if you haven't read that book, it's one I recommend for "Family Reading." I had barely read 3 chapters of the book before I bought one for my family - our children are going to read it first.

Let me stop there before I go off the point...

"Private Residence"

Last year it was very interesting to hear and see how public & busy living in the White House can be & is over Christmas. Better yet was hearing how each first family makes & takes time to be with their family privately after the public show.

I didn't realize that they had private residences. I know I should have but I didn't and that goes to show how we erroneously think that because you are "called to serve" others you do not have a "right" to any privacy or private moments.

I continue to say that we all need to make and take time for ourselves and our family.* When you read all the scriptures that talk about the expected qualities of a bishop/ pastor one clear & common thread is "family." I believe that God expects all those in ministry to live a "family first" life. Let's look at 2 verses which clearly state that:
1 Timothy 3: 2 says: "A congregation leader must be above reproach, he must be faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, orderly, hospitable and able to teach."**

Titus 1: 6 is very clear: "A leader must be blameless, husband to one wife, with believing children who do not have a reputation for being wild or rebellious."**

It's one thing to have a close and connected family before coming into ministry and another to maintain and even strengthen the bond when in ministry. Like I've said before, this is one area where we need to actively take charge using the "Private Residence" concept. Yes, we are called to be hospitable - and we must be - it's a blessing to be a blessing. While our home is to be "open" to others it must remain our home, not a perpetual "open house" and definitely not a hotel - NEVER! No member of the family should ever feel like a "guest" in their own home because of the uncontrollable traffic of people we minister to.

Family life definitely one place where we may need to be more assertive. The way I see it, if you truly support your husband in ministry you must ensure that your family is intact and each member is an active participant. It's not a "I'll do something with the children, while my husband continues in ministry" - it's "We'll do things as a family as an example to the other families in our ministry." When I saw this picture, I couldn't resist sharing it.
Taking it one step further, when life falls apart, ministry cannot remain intact...

My prayer is that none of our lives fall apart. To avoid that, ensure you have a "private residence" - deliberately make and take time for family times despite the busyness of ministry...you'll notice a difference in your quality of ministry.


References:
*http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2011/11/busy-bee.html
**Complete Jewish Bible

How much...

do you love your husband?

I like the balanced definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13. Let's focus on a few verses here:

Love is kind and patient,
never jealous, boastful,
    proud, or ⁵ rude.
Love isn’t selfish
    or quick tempered.
It doesn’t keep a record
    of wrongs that others do.
⁶ Love rejoices in the truth,
    but not in evil.
⁷ Love is always supportive,
loyal, hopeful,
    and trusting.
⁸ Love never fails!*

Recently pondering on verses 6 & 7, I had to ask myself this question: "How much do I love my husband?" I know without a shadow of doubt that I love my husband...it just helps to reassess that love and I'll explain how and why.

Hold on to that hand...

I stumbled on this short and very sentimental piece on Mothers.

I'll let you read it first...then share my thoughts.

The mother that came to mind after I read this a second time was the prodigal son's mother. I'm sure she never let go of his hand - since he was in her heart.

I like Elizabeth Stone's take on this:
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

The truth is that no mother ever lets go of her children's hands -

 which is sometimes why some mothers are deemed bad mother-in-laws.

The point here is: "Mothers are keepers."

Join me to celebrate to all Grandmothers, Mothers (& Mothers-in-laws too). 

Also join me as I celebrate you because I know there are times when as Mrs Pastor, you have to hold on to some people trusting God to make an impact in their lives. May God bless and reward you for all you do to hold on to those hands. Happy Mother's Day!

Hold on to those hands...God bless

P.S. I know Mother's day is on May 12th - wanted to get my best wishes in early. Have a wonderful week ahead and a lovely Sunday celebrating yourself.

Time or Talents...

...which do you think is more important?

Last week was the National Volunteer Week. Besides the "thank you" emails I received, I heard one organization's TV ad thanking their volunteers for giving their time and using their talents. It got me thinking - and now typing...

Praying "openly"

Almost 2 years ago I wrote a piece - actually it sounded more like an ad - titled:

"Prayer Partner needed!"*

Few...and feeble

Some time after I became Mrs. Pastor, Jesus' words in Luke 10: 2 became so clear and real to me...

He said to them, “There is such a big harvest of people to bring in. But there are only a few workers to help harvest them. God owns the harvest. Ask him to send more workers to help bring in his harvest.* 

All I did...

...was marry my best friend.

I know that it may be different for some of us but I'm sure that for a lot of us - including a dear friend of mine - we just married our best friends and with time or even before we knew what was happening (to us) we became "Mrs. Pastor."

Sometimes I look back & wonder what I did wrong...by marrying my best friend. I don't know about you, but I'd guess it's similar: I find that it's not easy to "show" and/or "tell" how you really feel about a lot of things (or even people) because it can be easily misconstrued as "She's too sensitive" or "She's not spiritual" & so on.

Why not?

Yes "Why not?" - that was my question when I was debating with myself on this topic:

Why can't I say things as I see them i.e. just the way they are?

I know that a proverb goes:

"It's not everything eyes see that the mouth says."

I checked and have no idea who the author is so let's attribute it to our elders - yes they are/were very wise - only when it lines up with God's word though...

Back to the matter at hand:

Check point...

Wondering what this is about? I didn't say I would but I felt led to check on us.

It's been 3 months* since I wrote about me-time. So how many moments of "me-time" have you had since then? I know that I cannot prescribe how often you should have me-time but I know that once a year doesn't cut it. You'll not only be burnt out - God forbid that you be buried without it being more frequent.

Wear matching shoes...

...at all times.

Did I just see a smile come on your face?

Before you run to your closet and start listing the colours of shoes you do not already have, I suggest you hear (or more like "read") me out.

The reason why we need to wear matching shoes at all times arose when I saw this very interesting version of a verse that has been quoted over and over again. I went on to seek out various Bible versions so you can see what I mean for yourself.

According to the King James Version, Psalm 68:11 says:

"The Lord gave the word: great was the company of those that published it."

The other versions I saw clarified it - (italics mine):

M.O.T.H.E.R. (2)

I initally put this in as one whole posting and realized that it's better to split it so we can remember to celebrate ourselves again - if you didn't in the past week. Even if you did, give yourself permission to celebrate You. You are and bring so much to the world - no one can be a better you than you...

So last week when we started on this, we said that:

 M = Mentor; O = Oracle of God & T = Teacher.

Let's move on to "H.E.R."

M.O.T.H.E.R.

It's that time of year when we celebrate Mothers...and time to celebrate you.

This year is really unique because International Women's Day (March 8th) is just 2 days before the first Mothers' Day of the year (March 10th). As we know, only women can become mothers...so it's a double celebration. Celebrate yourself too.

Just as I typed the first sentence, this thought dropped in my spirit: "No one on earth would have gotten here without a mother - whether or not you know her."

I know that I've said that the fact that you are Mrs. Pastor doesn't make you everyone's mother.* However, that fact does not mean that you cannot be a M.O.T.H.E.R. to those around you. I believe every Mrs. Pastor can & should be a:

Hat or Heart? (4)

It's been 3 weeks since we started "labelling" ourselves using a 1966 book “Minister's Wife: Person or Position?” by Marilyn Brown Oden.  Maybe you haven't labelled yourself but I know self-awareness is key to self-mastery. Just like this book, you may want to prop yourself up with a few pillows as we try to wrap this series up...if we can.

So far, we've talked about the detached - "Mrs D," the Background supporter -"Mrs B", and the Incorporated or active participant - "Mrs I" now let us talk about my addition - the Echo or Shadow "Mrs E."

Hat or Heart? (3)

For the past 2 weeks, I've been sharing excerpts from an article* based on the basic groups of pastors' wives as outlined in the 1966 book: Minister's Wife: Person or Position? What does it mean to be in one of those groups i.e. the detached, the background supporter, and the incorporated or active participant? More importantly, which of these groups do you belong to and what can you do to be a better Mrs Pastor irrespective of the "group" you belong to? We've talked about Mrs D and Mrs B, now it's time for Mrs I. Comments in red font mine.

Hat or Heart? (2)

For those of you just joining us, we started on this topic last week.  Apparently, besides the "labels" we have to endure from others, fellow Pastors' wives know that we all come in different shapes and sizes. We already talked about Mrs D (check last week's post here: http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2013/02/heart-or-hat-1.html). This week, we'll move to Mrs B - my comments on clips from the article* are in red font.

Heart or Hat? (1)

Planning ahead, as I sometimes successfully do, I was thinking about a theme for this month. After much thought, I decided that since February is gradually becoming known as "Heart Month," I should write along the same lines. Nothing was coming from within, so to speak, so I reached out (more like, researched) to seek external expressions and found an article titled: "The pastor's wife: detached, supportive, incorporated?"*

Knowing that I can be all of these - at different times of course, I decided to share it with you and see whether it's your heart or the hat you're wearing at the time that places you in one (or maybe none) of these groups...  Now since it is "Heart month" you'll notice that my comments on clips from the article are in red font.

It's your choice...

...ok, before we go too far, let me reframe that.

There are some things that none of us have a choice about - for instance, you don't have a choice or even a "hand" as to whether you're male or female. You are the gender God created you as and no incision or delusion can change that...

Another thing that we do not have any control over, is whether or not we face challenges in life. Jesus promised us challenges - and victory too.*

Put yourself in their shoes...

During church services or outings, we're always putting our children in check - actually sometimes (or most times) we stretch them. We're always telling them (or ourselves): "Others are watching you - so you must be a good example."

It's not on your back...

I have noticed a number of people in church carry on as if the whole world is on their back. It is a very hard way to live - this picture is just a faint depiction of it. Bishop David Oyedepo said that: "You cannot look up and down at the same time." Try it and see - can you? Neither could I.

Trust?

Who? How? Why?

Recently, I listened to Bishop David Oyedepo's message on "Church growth." One of the many things he said that struck me was:

"God has trusted us,

so we must be able to trust others."