Dear Woman in Ministry

Mrs Pastor: I got this in an email 2 years ago - to the day - from a very dear friend and PW whose birthday is today...and yes, I celebrate you my dear friend.
As usual, pictures and comments in purple font are mine.

It’s Ministry Appreciation Month - a time to pause and say thanks to those who give so much of themselves to us. Men and women like you who pour out and dig deep. The ones who encourage and bless, who lay their hands on our lives and we are better for it. 

A month doesn’t seem long enough. It seems to me that ministry appreciation should happen all year round, every single day. Because that’s how often you give. But I’m glad for an occasion that makes us pause and consider in a more intentional way what you do for us.

First, I want to say that you are brave. You are a mighty warrior disguised in lip gloss and jeans. You are a force for the Kingdom. Someone who prays and believes. Someone who tends to the wounded and lifts up the weak. Someone who speaks the truth to trembling hearts. Someone who knows that love and kindness are the strongest of weapons in this gone-mad world. You are a fighter and an overcomer and a healer. You may feel weary sometimes when the door finally closes behind you at the end of your day but I want you to remember that even then with Jesus you have won. 

You are making a difference. Some days it might be hard to see in the middle of a packed full calendar, the texts and emails and going here then there. It can be a bit of a blur sometimes, this work of ministry. But in all those places, in all those faces, you are changing the world. It’s a myth that world-changing is big and bold and loud. We see in Jesus that it is more about a hand on a shoulder, a gentle word spoken, a bit of attention given to the one everyone else might have overlooked. It happens in the ordinary and the everyday and the sometimes invisible. What you do matters more than you can know, more than you can possibly see this side of eternity.
Mrs Pastor: Isn't it great that some people notice and mention it? Better yet, is God noticing it.


You are loved. This is true not because of what you do but because you are you. You have worth not because of a position you hold or any performance you give, no matter how important or wonderful. You are treasured and valued first and always because you are the one-of-a-kind creation of a wild and creative God. He gave us such a gift when he dreamed you up. We see him in your smile, hear him in your laugh and see his image reflected in the details of who you are. You don’t need to be like anyone else. We are so glad that you are simply you.
Mrs Pastor: You must remain "free" to be you...if God wanted you to be like or even anyone else, He wouldn't have made you unique. He would have made you a replica or carbon copy and He didn't!


You really are appreciated. As you carry on with all you’re doing, I hope you hear the cheers behind you and around you and for you. Especially today.

Gratefully,

A Heart Who’s Been Touched By You


Know a woman in ministry who has impacted your life for the better? Share this article with her and let her know she is a “one-of-kind creation.” And, be sure to check out our #ReturnTheBlessing campaign for more ideas on how to bless your pastor, pastor’s wife, youth minister, Sunday school teacher, worship leader, children’s ministry coordinator, church secretary, and small group leader.

Source:

https://www.dayspring.com/articles/dear-woman-in-ministry?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20161016%20Dear%20Woman%20in%20Ministry%20Sunday%20Devo&utm_term=Most%20Engaged%20Last%2030%20Days%202/16/2016%20KEEP

Protect your spouse

Last week I decided to change purses and use one of my favourite ones. I'm not big on purses - actually, I'm a one-purse-till-strap-gives-way lady - at least I was until I met my husband.

Ok back to the post. Well, I decided to use this purse and I heard the Holy Spirit whisper:

"Protect your husband." 

It was more like a reminder because I remember the first day my husband showed me this purse and was considering it as a gift...for say a family member. The first thing that came to my mind was "Really?" To his credit, he saw it as a fun-bag. I saw it very differently and I wondered if his intentions could be misconstrued. So to avoid any doubt, I asked if I could keep the purse and then of course he said "Yes - it's your Valentine gift." I still can't help but wonder what I would have gotten if I didn't settle for this purse but that's the topic for another day. :)

I felt the need to share this because some of us just feel that we should let our spouse be. There is a place for that. Sadly some people eventually lose interest in what their spouse is doing and that is especially dangerous for Ministry Couples.

I believe that God didn't put additional eyes at the back of our heads because He expects that we would have at least one person watching our back. For children, it's their parents and for a wife, it's her husband and for a husband, it's his wife and so on...  I know that sometimes it may not seem so especially if your spouse is pointing our areas where you can/should address or improve. The bottom-line is that when you are a better person, your marriage is better too.

There are different areas where we need to protect our spouse (and family). Examples include setting the right boundaries so that neither of you is sucked in to ministry to the detriment of the family. And there are many ways we should do this - first and always in the place of prayer and then, where necessary speak out. Sometimes you may even need to fight for your spouse.

Don't be too interested in quantity...

I know that some people will shake their heads or even want to wag their finger at me for this post...and as usual, I'm fine with that. This is one of my #JustSaying posts.

It continues to sadden me when I see how much the "number of members" i.e. quantity is used as a guage for success in ministry. The quality of the members in a church is definitely more important and valuable to any Pastor.  I'm not saying that churches should not grow - far from it. Churches have to grow in order to depopulate the kingdom of the devil. 

However, the way I see it, if it's all or only about quantity i.e. numbers, you may find that the church lumbers. The church may even slumber because some people may expect that someone else will do what anyone can do only to find out that no one is doing it because everyone is waiting for someone else to do it. 

On the flip side, when the focus is quality, the church is more nimble and impactful because each member knows and owns their stake in the church. In fact, if there is only one thing that we can learn from Judges 7, it is that numbers are not too critical to God. In verse 2, the Lord said to Gideon:

"You have too many people on your side. If I were to hand Midian over to them, the Israelites might claim credit for themselves rather than for me, thinking, We saved ourselves." (CEB)

A retweet by my husband put it slightly differently:

It’s not about the SIZE of your circle, it’s about the LOYALTY that’s in it! 

- Rick Godwin @ricklgodwin

So please be more interested and invest more in the quality of the members of the church vs. the quantity.

Just Fix Yourself

2 months ago, I read this Devotional* piece by Chris and Liz Sarno of Relevant Church. At the risk of sounding punny and funny, this is such a relevant piece for every Ministry couple that I had to share it - any comments in green font and pictures are mine:

But why?

As you already know, I enjoy people-watching now and again.

A few weeks ago, I was walking between buildings and noticed a lady pulling down her skirt. The only 2 words that popped in my head were:

"But why?"

Although I like pictures, I will not add a picture here so no one misconstrues this as approval.

Back to the topic...

Being perfect

This piece has been years - I mean YEARS - in the making. And I can tell you that it was not because I was trying to get it post-perfect - not by any means. I was really pumped about it the first time the topic dropped in my heart and then I started second-guessing myself and wondering what people would think about me - as if it really matters.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit Who has patiently and gently guided me as I've grown and taught me how to break this down - without breaking myself down (pun intended).

A few years ago, I was struggling with not being the perfect Pastor's Wife and I was thinking about how to "justify" it - because I just wanted to be free to be ME and no one else. With the Holy Spirit's help, I've overcome that and I'll share a few quotes to help you understand where I am now.

When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. ~ George Fisher

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick. ~ Bill Lemley

Looking into the dictionary, Perfect means to "have all the required or desirable elements, qualities or characteristics...; absolute, complete"* Synonyms include: ideal, flawless etc. As I pondered on the definition of the word, 2 things, actually 3, became "perfectly" apparent (pun intended)

1. I am not flawless
2. I am only complete in God (Colossians 2:20)
3. I can always be a better version of myself than I am today - and that's my commitment to myself

Thinking beyond myself, I've seen people carry on as if they are perfect and heard people talk about how they are "perfectionists" and can't help but wonder if that's why some people don't want to work with us... My preference is to strive for excellence and I agree with Harriet Braiker that

"Striving for excellence motivates you; 

striving for perfection is demoralizing."

A wise unknown person said: 

"No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers."

 

This is one reason why I've decided that rather than be perfect, I will be perfectly authentic...

 

Reference:

* Google

"Don't call her that!""

How would you feel if someone said that to you?

Startled...

Yes and that's exactly how the person that the comment, or was it a command, was directed at felt. Let me tell you how this all unfolded...

"I do"

On this day, almost 2 decades ago, I said my first formal "I do" to my One and Only. 2 really short words that have very long-term, actually eternal, implications. As I look back with a heart filled with gratitude to God Who alone has kept us together, indeed, it has been quite the journey with many more "I dos" and a couple "I don'ts" as appropriate.

"Thank you...

...for all you don't do."

Yes, as un-politically correct as that may seem to say that, if you take the time to think about it, it's a very valid reason to appreciate each Pastor's Wife.

Brother Lappidoth

A few weeks ago, Mr/Brother Lappidoth crossed my mind. I started wondering what life was like for him as a leader's spouse. I wondered if people had the same (or more expectations) of him since his wife, Deborah, was a Prophetess/Ministry Leader (actually a National leader) as we people have these days of Pastors' wives.


I really like the way the Living Bible translation puts the only verse where he is mentioned in the Bible:

Judges 4:4 - Israel’s leader at that time, the one who was responsible for bringing the people back to God, was Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lappidoth. (TLB)

From this verse, it was clear that Deborah was the "shepherd" of the people under God. So was Brother (or Pastor) Lappidoth automatically in charge of the Men's Ministry? Was he expected to (learn and) know how to sing, play an instrument and lead the choir?


As I wondered about this, I also wonder about the wonderful men who are married to female Pastors. What are the church members' expectations of them? Are there any? If there are, has anyone ever told (or dared to tell) them what they are?


I'm sure that this post is raising more questions than answers. I smile as I write this because I remember a dear sister - a Mrs Pastor - who shared how the members of the church came up with a list of things they expect her to do following a meeting they had in her absence. Oh my?!


All I can say as a Mrs Pastor, is seek, find and fulfill ONLY God's expectations for you. Personally, I have found that when I do that, they have also met people's expectations. And those expectations not met are best left unmet because I was created to please God by doing His will - not to please people.


For those of us who have various expectations of Pastors' wives, I ask that you be considerate. If you talk to some of them, you will realize that like me, all they did was "marry their best friend"...and then they became the wife of the Pastor when their husbands became a pastor.
Next time you start a list of expectations, on your own or with others, remember Bro Lappidoth.

Recommended Reading
http://thomrainer.com/2017/09/ten-unfair-expectations-pastors-wives/


Recommended viewing:
http://www.pursuegod.org/handling-expectations-insights-from-pastors-wives-1/

It's a 2-way street

A few weeks ago, I snapped at my husband over the phone. As I meditated on the incident, it was obvious that it though it wasn't a "TA" situation, it was an "SA" one. As I pondered, the Holy Spirit kindly asked/ reminded me of 3 things - in this order:

1. He asked me if my outburst aligned with these verses that I constantly challenge myself to live up to: Proverbs 31:11-12 - ¹¹ Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. ¹² She brings him good, not harm,  all the days of her life. (NLT)
2. Did I just "touch" (actually "hurt")  the Lord's Anointed knowing that God clearly says Psalm 105:15: “Do not touch my anointed ones, or harm my prophets.”*** Oh my! how could I have done that?! Now it was no longer about how I felt about my self-set standard (see #1 above), it was now about whether or not I was obeying God's Word.
3. While I was scolding myself, He then said: "You know, you are also God's anointed one... so you should not be "hurt" either." Awww...how sweet. I was happy to hear that but before I started gloating, He reminded me that this still did not justify my outburst. 

So essentially, what I learned was:

• Love and respect in marriage is a 2-way street - that must be why we have Ephesians 5:21**** in the exact location prior to the list of a husband's responsibilities to his wife and vice-versa.
• The fact that it is a 2-way street does not mean that you need to wait for traffic on the other "street" before you make progress on your side of the street.
• In marriage, you need more than love for each other to stay in love and more importantly married. You need God - Who is Love - as the 3rd cord****** to keep you and your spouse intact. It's also God that gives us the grace and humility to apologize when you are wrong...as I was.

  

  
  

I'm sure you know that there's a lot more to this post...

Well, I encourage you not to bother about what I've not said and rather look into your marriage and see how you can make sure your side of the "street"  honors God and brings pleasure to your spouse. I'm off to maintain my side of the "street"...

References:

*Transferred Aggression

** Suppressed Annoyance

*** Christian Standard Bible (CSB)

****Psalm 105:15 - “Do not touch my chosen people, and do not hurt my prophets.” (NLT)

*****Ephesians 5:21 - Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. (MSG)

******Ecclesiastes 4:12 - An enemy might be able to defeat one person, but two people can stand back-to-back to defend each other. And three people are even stronger. They are like a rope that has three parts wrapped together—it is very hard to break. (ERV)

No uniformity required

Psalm 133 - ¹ Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! ² It is like the precious ointment poured on the head, that ran down on the beard, even the beard of Aaron [the first high priest], that came down upon the collar and skirts of his garments [consecrating the whole body]. ³ It is like the dew of [lofty] Mount Hermon and the dew that comes on the hills of Zion; for there the Lord has commanded the blessing, even life forevermore [upon the high and the lowly]. (AMP, italics mine)

There is so much talk in Ministry about Unity and it's sometimes misused...in my opinion