You must be "the 1"

I want to believe God that you have had a great leap year...with memorable leaps in life and ministry. I had my fair share - fo which I'm eternally grateful to God.

As we wrap up this year, I know some of us may have started compiling our "New Year Resolutions" so it's the perfect time to give you one: You must be "the 1."

Ok this will focus on what I'll call "Discipleship 101 for Mrs. Pastor."

There are several cadre of disciples beyond the multitude that followed Jesus. Acts 1:15 tells us about the 120 disciples (after Jesus ascension), Luke 10: 1 tells us about the 70 disciples Jesus sent out 2 by 2.

There may have been other "cadre" in between. Going to the 12 disciples who were with Jesus (Luke 6:13-16), only 3 witnessed the Transfiguration (Matt 17:1) and then "the 1" whom the Bible says Jesus loved. (John 13:23; 20:2)

Likewise, I'm sure that in your church there are different cadre of members...you'd have the congregation, volunteers (Workers), the Ministerial/Pastoral team etc. You and your husband relate to them in different ways.

So which one do you fit into? I'll tell you...

You, dear Mrs. Pastor must be "the 1" - not his spiritual father, not his mentor, not his mother, not any of your children, definitely not any member of the church - except if the member we're referring to is YOU!

The Gift

I'm sure that Christmas is the time when the most gifts are given to the most people in every place around the world. As Christmas 2012 comes (tomorrow), I'm asking myself: "What should I give myself?"

It is a valid question because as Mrs. Pastor I find that I'm almost always giving. Just a few examples so you "see" and possibly feel where I'm coming from.

Give..and let go...

Next weekend is Christmas weekend...and the only reason why we have such a day/weekend to celebrate because God gave...

I know that in some cases, Pastor and Mrs. Pastor expect others to show their appreciation by giving them gifts. Sadly, some see it as a "right." Indeed the Bible tells us that: "A worker deserves his pay"* however, we also know that: ‘You will have a greater blessing when you give than when you receive.’**

So, I'd encourage that you change the expectation this year - give gifts to others. Now it doesn't need to be an expensive gift - it needs to be one that clearly says:

"Someone thought about me"...they don't even need to know who gave them the gift. As much as possible, "your giving should be done in private. Your Father can see what is done in private, and he will reward you."***

Last year, we had an interesting gift exchange in church. We all picked names - adults and children included - to buy a gift for the person. The sender's name was to be in the gift not on the wrapper. It was really heart-warming to see people express their delight and appreciation to each other.

We've made giving - not just at Christmastime - a family habit. I used to get "upset" with people who didn't say "Thank you" until I realized that it was God's setup to see what's really in my heart. So now I just give...and let go. Much as it's a good habit to be grateful and say so, I'm just grateful that the scriptures are fulfilled in & through my life. Genesis 12:2 says: And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you [with abundant increase of favors] and make your name famous and distinguished, and you will be a blessing [dispensing good to others]. (Amplified) As we remain a source of blessing - by giving - God will have no choice but to keep blessing us.

Sources:

*1 Tim 5:18 (The Message)

**Acts 20:35b (Easy-to-Read Version)

***Matt 6:4 (Easy-to-Read Version)

We are not excluded...

...from the troubles of life.

Shade vs. Roots

I don't remember who said this but I believe that you couldn't agree more that:

"A lot of people want to enjoy the shade of church without growing roots."

Some people just "drop-in" and don't stay (or want to stay) long enough in order be committed and cultivated to become part of the shade for others.

The SHADE consists of, and is not limited to, the
Shoulders to cry on and/or who help bear burdens
Helping hands and hearts
Amiable Fellowship
Defence - in the place of prayer
Encouragement

I am challenged with how many people seem to appreciate the SHADE but do not appreciate it enough to do something to sustain and extend the SHADE to others.

One can be tempted to withdraw the SHADE from takers...and that will be wrong. We just need to find ways to encourage them to love others enough to give.
As they say: "You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving."* We need to learn and teach that "love" is not a passive word - it is a word filled with passion that leads to action...and it starts with one person. John D. Rockefeller Jr. put it well: “Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege.”

 

Indeed it is a privilege to bear fruit and have shade to "give" & bless others with. To do that, we must have really deep roots - the deeper our roots in the Word, the richer and broader our shade to the world around us. Let's lead by example; as we lift Jesus in all we do, He will draw others to Him** and roots will develop.

Amen.

References:
*Anon  - since attributed to many people
**John 12:32

Being Mrs. Pastor...

...is just a part - not all  - of who you are.

Ever since I "became" Mrs. Pastor - or more correctly since my husband became a pastor - I have consciously & consistently made an effort to remain authentic.

The Test

God led me to watch Joyce Meyer one late night and I was glued...

She said a few things that struck me (my comments are in green font):

1. It is not where you start that you end - and for that to happen, we need to start. Staying in one place will not only result in stagnation but you may end worse off than you "started."
2. There were some things that Jesus bore for us and some other things that He went through so we know how to go through and overcome them like He did. Never forget that Jesus said: I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]* All we need to do is constantly and confidently walk in that victory.
3. Although we may want people's approval and applause, we must realize that we can live without it. We're definitely better without it...because that is no guarantee that we have God's approval which is what we must desire. Jesus, in John 5:41, rejected human approval - as did Paul in Galatians 1:10.
4. Every trial and test we go through will always work out for our good. Romans 8:28 says:  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.** So let's just walk in the purpose He's called us to.

Of a truth, our lives are full of tests: if (& when) we keep our eyes on God, we will not lose our focus on where we're headed and faith in Him will carry us through. Ask Peter***, he only started to sink when he took his eyes of Jesus. When you go through your next test, if you're not in one already, keep your eyes on Jesus...

*John 16:33 (Amplified)
** New Living Translation
***Matthew 14: 22-33

Are you in step...

...or in strife with the Ministry?

Miners or

Underminers?

This topic hit me when I read Lorna Dobson's book.

Believe it or not, every church has their fair share of both categories of people - please don't start labelling people :)

Miners are people who work in Mines where it is believed and/or known that there is some form of treasure....

Underminers in my mind are the opposite of Miners.

Who do you see...

...when you look in the mirror?

I believe that that is a question each & every Mrs. Pastor needs to ask (& answer) herself when the pressures of people's expectations come her way.

"Roberta" or Robot?

Some time ago, I was thinking about my response to things especially in church and started asking myself if I'm a "Roberta" (i.e. a real person) or just a Robot?

You don’t need to be able…

Yes, you heard/read me right.

I’ve noticed that a lot of us spend time talking about how “un-able” we are…thinking that that is what matters to God. The fact is: God is able*… and that is all that matters. He does not need us to be able - in fact He intentionally looks out for those who are "unable."

God only needs us to be “available” for His use. The Bible is full of examples of people who were not able and only did great things because they were available for God’s use.**

As we celebrate Pastor's Appreciation month, as Mrs Pastor, let’s focus on being available so that when the Lord asks (more of us), we can always say: “Here I am, send me.”***

References:

*2 Cor 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace (every favor and earthly blessing) come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self-sufficient [possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation]. (Amplified)

Eph 3: 20 - Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (NLT)

** 1 Cor 1: 26-29 -  For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;  and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. (NKJV)

***Is 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom will I send? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me!” (God's Word Translation)

Pastor is not Superman...

...not to mention that Mrs. Pastor is not the Bionic Woman.

Have you noticed that people treat Pastors and Mrs. Pastor as superhuman?
I can't help but wonder if it's because of the way some of us "carry" ourselves.

Now I know that walking and working with God helps us all live supernaturally... all because our Super God works with, through and for us. However, we must be careful and never pretend that we are infallible or without human challenges.

At the risk of talking from 2 sides of my mouth, in showing our humanity and humility, we must not host any pity parties or manipulate others to "bless us."

The bottom line is that Pastor and Mrs. Pastor are everyday people too...
While it is important for those around us to realize that and hopefully "care" for and support us as much as they expect to be cared for/supported, it is more important for Pastor and Mrs. Pastor to remember (& appreciate) that too.

BTW, I gather that the 2nd Sunday in October is "Clergy Appreciation Day." Take a moment to appreciate the pastors around you and don't forget to give your husband a SPA.* Wishing you a wonderful day on Sunday and beyond...

Reference:
*http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2012/07/spa.html

Burden or...

burden-bearer?

As we start the last quarter of this year, especially as it is Pastor Appreciation Month, it's a good time to ask ourselves this soul-searching question.

I'll explain how it came up...

Are you in Ministry or "Mrs-try"?

Six months ago, I was thinking about the different ministries in our church and started asking myself whether I'm actually in "Ministry" or just in "Mrs-stry" considering the various areas where I serve.

From experience, being Mrs. Pastor is really challenging (I doubt anyone of you Mrs. Pastors out there would disagree with me).   I mean it's one thing to be clueless about your calling and then be very aware of the ministries' "calling" for your attention and action and have no choice but answer. In fact, I'm sure a lot of members see that as part of our role as his "help-meet."

Over a year ago, I wrote about "Leading ladies"* and I am concerned that this "help-meet trap" is one that we fall into too easily. You need to be a help-meet - that is not in question at all. All I'm saying is that as Mrs. Pastor, we must know and answer our calling...that is what God will reward us for. Eph 4:1 encourages us to "walk worthy of our calling" - it helps to know what it is.

Now I totally agree that this very important position of Mrs. Pastor, is in deed a "high calling."** The fact is every wife is (should be) important to her husband - but for Mrs. Pastor, it is much more than that... I know that this whole "Mrs. Pastor" thing is quite the mystery for some & unfortunately a misery for others. Personally, I have found that by walking with God, He'll shed light on what you need to do so you move from Mrs-try to Ministry - where it is much more fulfilling. I pray we can all  move from misery/mystery &/or Mrs-try to Ministry...your reward awaits you - and it will definitely be well worth it.

God bless.

References:
*http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2011/08/leading-ladies.html
**http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/07/its-high-calling.html
http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/08/xyz.html

10 Ps (2)

Continuing from last week, here are the other 5 Ps. You may have noticed that the first 5 were more "God-facing." These ones are more "people-facing" - especially as we don't have a choice but to face people whether or not we like it/them or not...now that's a different matter, so let's focus on this posting...

 

6.   Personality: I cannot overemphasize that your personality matters and you must be authentic. Being Mrs. Pastor is not an acting role in a play – it is the life you live day-in and day-out. In Cindy Dykes' words: “Be Yourself - All the Time. The temptation to play the role of the always-happy minister's wife can be overwhelming at times. Be happy, but also be real! God has gifted you with unique talents and personality traits that He doesn't want absorbed into a role you think you have to play. When you feel pressure to be or do something that's just not you, remember that your calling is to be who God created you to be.” Being yourself is easier than being someone else.

 

7.   Pedestal: Unfortunately this is one area that trips us up – maybe because it is "high." Sometimes we put ourselves on a pedestal and at other times, people put us on a pedestal - we must be careful not to be high-minded. Miranda Vande Kuyt’s advice is: “Don’t put yourself on a pedestal. 

      It’s lonely up there!  You’re not perfect; you’re human just like everybody else.  You don’t need to know all the answers now, just keep learning along the way.  By the way, your spouse is human too!  Grace covers a multitude of shortcomings.  Humble yourself.  Although the title “The…Pastor’s Wife” sounds prestigious, it’s not about you.  It’s about glorifying God through crucifying yourself and your desires and serving whom God has called you to.” Don't ever think of or try to share the glory with God-it can be fatal.

10 Ps

Since today is the 10th day of this month, I felt it will be a good day to start sharing a collation of 10 tips ( my "10 Ps") I've gained from personal experience and gleaned from other Mrs. Pastors* - italics and bold, mine. The first time the topic dropped in my heart, I wondered if there was any other material out there, so I looked and found a couple of interesting ones (yes, seek and ye shall find).

The "conclusion of the whole matter," as Solomon said, is: by and large, all Mrs. Pastors have the same, or at least very similar, challenges - in varying degrees and dimensions. So here are 10 tips from me to you - and they are not in any particular order of priority:

      1.   Priorities: I’ve shared this Hierarchy In Ministry (“HIM”) several times because we must never forget that it is all about Him – God. Cindy Dykes puts it this way: “Know Your Priorities: The ministry is your husband's job, and you're his helper. As I see it, our jobs are more to be wives and mothers than the default VBS director, church cook, or even pianist. My top priority has been to make my home a haven — family first, and then church. Set boundaries and focus on your first calling, which will allow you to follow God's leadership in church involvement.”

2.   Partnership: I’ve said this before and will say it again, as a “Mrs.” you are your husband’s helpmeet and even moreso as Mrs. Pastor. You’re there by his side to “push him up” not pull him down. In Miranda Vande Kuyt’s words: “Become your spouse’s best friend.  Churches come and go but your spouse will hopefully remain. You will probably have to move multiple times for new ministry opportunities, leaving many friends behind. Establish a strong partnership with your spouse.”

3.   Purpose: Before becoming Mrs. Pastor you must have been a Christian – yes it’s obvious since we know believers marry believers. The point is that before and beyond being Mrs. Pastor, God has a purpose and calling for you. It is important that you know what it is and do not neglect it - stir up that gift and walk worthy of His calling on your life.  Miranda Vande Kuyt’s advice is: “Find your calling in the church.  When your church hired your spouse it was not a 2 for 1 deal.  You are an individual that has unique gifts and abilities.  Find a ministry that you can be passionate about while serving.  Ask God to show you where he wants you to serve – He will.”

4.   Plug in: We must all remain plugged in to God. Cindy Dykes said: “Don’t trade ministry for spirituality. The Bible is not just a book to help you teach, it’s to make you spiritual. If every time you open your Bible, it’s for a sermon outline or teaching lesson, God can never change YOU. Let His life in you transform you into a powerful, anointed leader.”

5.   Pray: The bible advises us all to pray without ceasing. Miranda Vande Kuyt shared a simple yet profound prayer point and advice: “Pray for your marriage, your church and everything in between. Ask others to pray for you too.” Prayer must always be our first port of call and only resort not our last resort. In fact, this should be the first P. 

At the  risk of making this posting too long, let's talk about the rest next week...

Sources:

"Top 10 Tips for New Pastors’ Wives" by Miranda Vande  Kuyt -  http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/10-tips-for-new-wives/

"Tips for new minister's wives" Cindy Dykes - http://www.lifeway.com/ArticleView?storeId=10054&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&article=Tips-for-new-minister's-wives

"The Pastor's Wife's Survival Guide: Top 12 Ministry Bloopers" Dr Julie Barrier - http://www.crosswalk.com/church/pastors-or-leadership/pastors-wife-survival-guide-12-ministry-bloopers.html

What and where are your dreams - and where are you?

Before I became a Mrs. Pastor, I had a number of dreams - really big ones too.

“God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them.” 

~Author Unknown

“Keep your dreams alive.

Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision,

hard work, determination, and dedication.

Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

~ Gail Devers

 Don't let your dreams remain dreams...do something to make them come true...

Lessons from Mrs Zebedee...

Have you ever heard the saying: "Aim high at least you'll land somewhere?"

Les Brown puts it this way:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

I know the  first time or thereabouts I read about Mrs Zebedee - I couldn't help but wonder "Who does she think she is? What's so special about her children?"

Let's read the passage together:

Don't cut off your nose...

...to spite your face.

Have you ever heard that idiom? I remember it from way back and always found it interesting. More recently, I have had to catch myself from doing exactly that. The idiom essentially warns us not to act in anger, irationally or overreact to a person or situation even if it hurts us too...

Are you like Mrs Aquila?

The first time she was mentioned in the Bible was alongside her husband.

After this [Paul] departed from Athens and went to Corinth. There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, recently arrived from Italy with Priscilla his wife, due to the fact that Claudius had issued an edict that all the Jews were to leave Rome. And [Paul] went to see them, And because he was of the same occupation, he stayed with them; and they worked [together], for they were tentmakers by trade. (Acts 18: 1-3 - Amplified - italics, mine)

When we read this passage as part of our Women's Bible Study at work, the first thought that dropped in my mind was: "Priscillia - or Mrs Priscillia Aquila (for those of us who like titles) - was a rather, in fact very, gracious hostess - to accommodate she and her husband's professional colleague." That thought was closely followed by an introspective question: "How far am I willing to go (& give or even give up) to support a "new-to-town" professional colleague?

Now I don't know if you know this, but I was surprised the first time I heard that:

The only reason why you can cook several live crabs at the same time is because when the water starts heating up and one tries to climb out, the others pull it back into the water. Now I don't know if it's true but if it is can you just imagine it?

Unfortunately, I see many demonstrations of this "crabby" & grabby nature in church - where some people feel they are the only ones entitled to the "good things" of life. This is totally unChristian. When I see this, I ask: "What can I do as Mrs. Pastor?" We should complement, & also compliment, not compete with each other.

Borrowing a leaf from Priscillia, I have decided not to relent in supporting those who are new-to-town - irrespective of the profession or church they belong to. My prayer is that by my conduct, others will be encouraged to do the same...

XYZ

In more recent times I've been talking to myself saying: "eXamine Your Zeal" -
I believe that is a common "bottom line" for us as Mrs. Pastors. For me, it's a simple question: "Why do I do what I do?" or "Why do I go to church at all?"
Put differently, "If I was not Mrs. Pastor, would my service to (& for) God or even my "regular" (almost mandatory) attendance in services be different?"

I believe that our sincere answers to these questions will truly benefit each of us, our husbands, families and the body of Christ at large....let's dig in...

Your family and friends

I don't know who came up with the "Friendship Day" but it is so interesting how these things catch on. It was only last year that the UN declared July 30 as the International Friendship Day. Yes, today is International Friendship Day.

Friends are a wonderful part of life. Think about it: since we cannot choose our family members, it was so gracious of God to give us all the privilege of choosing our friends. When I saw this poster, I smiled then wondered how true it really is. 

Do Pastor & Mrs. Pastor really "get to pick their own friends?" Or should we even pick rather than be "all-embracing" and "take" anyone who comes our way?

It's a "high calling"

I couldn't agree more with Patricia Jones (pastoral counsellor) who said:
"Being a minister's wife is a "high calling" and a difficult one, but well worth it if you know how to protect your marriage, your family and your identity."* Indeed, you need to know who you are & Who has called you...

Knowing this is so very true, like Paul, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus"** and constantly remind myself that: "I can do all things because Christ gives me the strength."***

I also consciously take Paul's advice (& warning) to heart & to head: "For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not ot estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance]... Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits."****

As we all know, being Mrs. Pastor is a high calling but we must be careful not to become highminded. Additionally, it always comes back to HIM (Hierarchy In Ministry), once you mix up the order and/or become highminded, you will not only falter, but fail so please beware. Rather than becoming or being highminded, we should set our hearts, minds and sight on things above (on high)***** and success is sure. Also, be careful not to be "low-minded"****** - just have the mind of Christ and be lowly in everything you do....as you respond to this high calling. 

God bless.

Sources:

*http://www.dovechristiancounseling.com/MinistersWives.html
**Phil 3:14 - King James Version

***Phil 4:13 - New Life Version
****Rom 12:3a &16 - Amplified
*****Col 3:2 - And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. - Amplified
****** Don't look down on yourself - look up to God and what He can do with and through you (see 1 Cor 2:16 and Phil 2:6) 

Assignment vs. "Assistant"

I found this tweet by Tommy Tenney interesting:
"Adam received his assignment b4 he received his Assistant.

Eve walked into a functioning vision."

I understand what he means though I know this is not always the case - in many people's lives. The fact is that some people only hear, or maybe only just answer the call, after they are married. Experiencing a bit of what it takes, I can't blame them though I know it's not the right thing to do - that's just me being authentic :)

Let me explain that some more...using 2 people in the Bible - who were not married to each other but clearly had a God-given assignment to do (together).

A, B, C...

These pieces of advice from some Mrs. Pastors truly resonated with me...

Amy Goen has been a Mrs. Pastor for about 2 decades, on the subject of "Authenticity" she advises: “Don't be afraid to show the real you to the congregation, complete with flaws. It shows that you're human and someone they can relate to.”* Humility and humanity always wins.

Beverly Hild has been married for almost 30 years and she said this about: “Being supportive” to our husbands. "I've learned that my husband does not need me to play the devil's advocate in difficult situations; he has enough of those. I try not to give him advice unless he asks for it. He needs me to listen to him and trust his judgment."*

Jani Ortland, a Mrs. Pastor, has an insightful perspective on being the direct "Channel of Favour." "You are one of the main vehicles God uses to show your husband his favor. Proverbs 18:22 says, ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.’ It’s as if God was thinking, ‘How can I help this man as I call him to serve Me? I know. I’ll make ____________, introduce them, and ignite their hearts to yearn to be one. Then I’ll use her as my main channel to show him my favor."**

Pulling it together into a sentence:

As his direct Channel of Favour, 

Being supportive to our husbands in this call,

means we must be Authentic.

I can't (so won't) promise that we'll go through all the letters of the alphabet - but will do my best to share advice I hear or see...so we grow.  

Sources:

*Advice for ministers' wives from ministers' wives by Grace Clausing: http://www.lifeway.com/ArticleView?storeId=10054&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&article=Advice-for-ministers-wives-from-ministers-wives
**http://www.sovgracepastorswives.com/2009_07_01_archive.html

SPA

Have you ever had a spa? Well, it was an answered prayer for me last year when I got a coupon...in fact it was another confirmation of God's promise in Isa. 65:24: 

"I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"*

You know, I hadn't even whispered it to anyone - indeed the Word works...

Ok back to our topic...

After that experience, I said I'd like my husband to go for a spa and to go again myself, of course. The more I thought about it, the more desirable it became. Then just before Christmas, the thought occurred to me again and I got it...

The Preacher's Wife

Have you seen this film - "The Preacher's Wife"? Although it's not a Christian movie, it's what I'd call a "crunchy comedy" - that's my way of saying it gives you some thing to chew on. Others may say it gives you food for thought...and I'll add "energy for action" too.

It brings to light some of the shortcomings and oversights of being "sold out" to ministry. Watching it again after several years, I noticed a number of things and the key one was: Beware when you are "sold out" to the ministry because you may be a terrible debtor to your family who are supposed to be your first ministry. The Bible is clear on the requirements for a married man in ministry:

1 Timothy 3: 1,2, 4 & 5 -  ¹This is a statement that can be trusted: If anyone sets his heart on being a bishop, he desires something excellent. ²A bishop must have a good reputation. He must have only one wife, be sober, use good judgment, be respectable, be hospitable, and be able to teach. ⁴He must manage his own family well. His children should respectfully obey him. ⁵(If a man doesn’t know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (God's Word Translation)

Titus 1: 6 - [These elders should be] men who are of unquestionable integrity and are irreproachable, the husband of [but] one wife, whose children are [well trained and are] believers, not open to the accusation of being loose in morals and conduct or unruly and disorderly. (Amplified)

My husband, children and I watched it together years ago and we took note of our "dos" and "do nots" - the main one was: "Family first-after God."  Without a doubt, some things in the film were exaggerated and others were understated -which is why it's a film. I suggest that you start by watching this film with your husband (& immediate family if possible) as a form of relaxation - there will be no need to lecture - if you do this prayerfully and you'll be blessed.  If you see (or even smell) traces of some of the things we saw in the film creeping up on your marriage, I suggest that you pray and then discuss them with your husband. 

I definitely cannot overemphasize what I call the "Hierarchy In Ministry" (HIM):

God, Spouse, Children, Ministry, Job/Career - which is part of your ministry.

I'd love to hear/read your testimonies...you can send an email to dearmrs.pastor@gmail.com if you'd rather share it in private  than comment on this posting. One way or the other, it will be nice to hear/read from you.

The Seed and the Soil

Before we dig up the "soil" for this piece, I'd like to point out that: When it comes to gardening, I'm as green as can be. I don't have "green fingers" not even a "green thumb." However, I know quite a bit about the benefits of sowing and need to sow the right seed in the right soil to get a bountiful and beneficial harvest from personal experience...so I'm not that green afterall...

Well, now that we have that out of the way, let's proceed...

Pastors vs. Fathers?

I was intrigued when I saw this picture on a blog.* I was relieved and even agreed when I checked the article on the blog and they said:

 "the more accurate statement is that “great fathers could make good pastors.”"

Now that is a statement I can stand behind because being a good father, where the pastor is married and has children, is one of the prerequisites of being "qualified" to be a pastor as stated in the following 2 Bible passages:

1 Timothy 3: 1-5 tells us that:

THE SAYING is true and irrefutable: If any man [eagerly] seeks the office of bishop (superintendent, overseer), he desires an excellent task (work). ²Now a bishop (superintendent, overseer) must give no grounds for accusation but must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, circumspect and temperate and self-controlled; [he must be] sensible and well behaved and dignified and lead an orderly (disciplined) life; [he must be] hospitable [showing love for and being a friend to the believers, especially strangers or foreigners, and be] a capable and qualified teacher, ³Not given to wine, not combative but gentle and considerate, not quarrelsome but forbearing and peaceable, and not a lover of money [insatiable for wealth and ready to obtain it by questionable means]. ⁴He must rule his own household well, keeping his children under control, with true dignity, commanding their respect in every way and keeping them respectful. ⁵For if a man does not know how to rule his own household, how is he to take care of the church of God?  (Amplified)

Titus 1: 6-9 reiterates:

⁶they must have a good reputation and be faithful in marriage. Their children must be followers of the Lord and not have a reputation for being wild and disobedient. ⁷Church officials are in charge of God's work, and so they must also have a good reputation. They must not be bossy, quick-tempered, heavy drinkers, bullies, or dishonest in business. ⁸Instead, they must be friendly to strangers and enjoy doing good things. They must also be sensible, fair, pure, and self-controlled. ⁹They must stick to the true message they were taught, so that their good teaching can help others and correct everyone who opposes it.  (CEV)

As we celebrate Father's Day (June 17th), I encourage each Mrs. Pastor & Pastor Mrs. to reflect on how we're supporting our husbands so they are not only good pastors but great fathers. I even extend this "invitation" to all women because who knows, your husband could very well be a pastor in the making...I know how it is, it happened to me. The bottom line is: it takes a man and a woman coming together (in marriage) to "produce" a Father and a Mother...so we might as well support ourselves to be the best possible. Wishing us all a Happy Father's Day!

Sources:

*http://www.acts29network.org/acts-29-blog/pastors-make-great-fathers/

A small fish in a big pond...

...or a small fish in a big pond?

I know we have been called to dominate...it's part of our 5-fold mission from God:

“Be fruitful and multiply;

 fill the earth and subdue it;

have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:28 - NKJV)

It's sad to note that though we're called to dominate things, a lot of us are going around trying to dominate people - sometimes using manipulation and emotional blackmail to get others to do what we want them to.

Overtime, I've come to notice (very sadly) that more and more people, including Mr. & Mrs. Pastor, want to be seen, heard, obeyed and "worshipped" - it's all a big SHOW as if we're big fish in a small pond.

I'm not saying you are not important all I ask is that you remember that our brother Paul, who wrote more than half of the New Testament, said:

"For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance], but to rate his ability with sober judgment, each according to the degree of faith apportioned by God to him." (Romans 12:3 - Amplified)

Without a doubt, you hold an important and privileged position as Mrs. Pastor but that will never make you "God" to the people He has placed in you and your husband's care. You are an "Oracle of God" but not God. Please take the time to continually check your motives - so you are using things and loving people not loving things and using people. We're all small fish in God's big pond, irrespective of how mega our churches may be...

...please don't ever forget that!

What is your purpose...

...as Mrs. Pastor and more importantly as a Christian?

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.  ~Robert Byrne

A life without cause is a life without effect.  ~Barbarella

We should give meaning to life, not wait for life to give us meaning.  ~Stacy

God has generously given all of us special gifts over and above the "gift" of being Mrs. Pastor. God has a purpose for each of our lives and we must remember that "Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction."*

Take the time to discover your purpose in life and pursue it with passion...


Reference:
*John F. Kennedy

Church-o-spital...

All churches are expected to be caring places - that is God's expectation of yours. If your church is only about the righteous then it has missed it's mission...

Mark 2: 16-17 explains it: But when the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with such scum? When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”*

Where do you live?

When John’s disciples switched to Jesus, their first question was:

“Where do you live?”*

Let's flip that: As Mrs. Pastor, we need to support our husbands so they know where every member of the church lives. I realise that is one far-reaching statement to make, so I encourage you to read on...For a church to be intact – the members need to be in-touch with each other and that includes Pastor and his family – they are also members of the church. I’ve been in churches where I‘ve heard members say “there is no love in this church” or leave because they did not “feel loved.” When I hear statements like that, I ask myself – did they show love and it wasn’t reciprocated? Love begets love.

The Pastor's Wife

The Pastor's Wife

She serves in a position she had not sought for in her life
She simply fell in love with a man called into ministry,
You may know her; she’s the pastor’s wife.

She accepted her role to live for Jesus and share the Gospel light.
She just wanted to make God and her husband proud,
Just happy to be the pastor’s wife.

She started on her journey, her expectations soaring high.
She gave her heart and soul to the task,
For she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was expected to be a certain kind of woman adjusting to church life.
She was not there to receive, but to serve;
After all, she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was to be seen as a Godly lady free from bitterness and strife.
She was to always have a gentle and sweet countenance,
Because she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was to be a gracious hostess anytime someone dropped by,
No matter the day of the week or how late into the night -
For she's the pastor’s wife.

She was to be the perfect mom and her children were to always play nice.
She was never to raise her voice but discipline them perfectly,
Because she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was not to have any personal struggles or down times in life.
She was to always be on top of the world,
For she is the pastor’s wife.

But, she has been down and lonely, more times than we realize.
For she is a woman first of all,
And then she’s the pastor’s wife

She has struggled on a pastor’s salary just trying to survive,
While she watched others enjoy trips and luxury holidays-
Not common for a pastor’s wife

She has been humbled, and very grateful, many times throughout her life
For the grace God gave and the prayers that have been prayed
To encourage this pastor’s wife.

She longed for just one true friend, her battles to help her fight-
Only to later be burned by people who turned their backs on
the pastor’s wife.

She yearned for her own identity, and Christian friends to share her plight.
She wanted to be known for who she is,
Not just as the pastor’s wife.

She longed for simple conversations from the many in her life.
But they often only spoke to her to give a message to him -
For she was known as the pastor’s wife.

She may be hurting and discouraged or in need of hug that’s tight.
She gets tired and down just like everyone else,
So encourage the pastor’s wife.

She’s always there for all of you, so get to know her and treat her right.
Show her interest that’s true for she’s a person too-
This one called the pastor’s wife.

She has too often been neglected by the ones God put in her life.
So, let us find an occasion and show her appreciation
And honor the pastor’s wife.

Loyd C. Taylor

When I was preparing for our first "Mrs. Pastor Day"* (4th Monday in March) I was looking for material that articulated and perchance appreciated what it really means to be a Mrs. Pastor. When I found this poem on another lady's blog** I couldn't resist sharing it around the time we celebrate women again - Mothers' Day this coming weekend... You may relate to some or all of it.

Wishing you all a very Happy Mothers' Day!

References:

* http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2012/03/happy-mrs-pastor-day.html

**http://jsttheotherday.blogspot.com/2012/01/pastors-wife.html