This is a worthy read - my comments are in purple font as usual. It's actually good "funny..." guess what I noticed as I pasted this in the post-box? This piece is about a Mrs Pastor who has the same name as one of my friends (my name for her) and today is my friend's birthday... I couldn't have planned this any better. Indeed, our times (& timing) are in God's hands.
The Value of a Pastor's Wife*
Once, my wife Tricia went out to dinner with all of the others pastors’ wives. This is something she does every other month. No, there’s no “Beth Moore” Bible study that goes on there. They just go out to dinner, laugh, and talk about their husbands. That may not sound spiritual to you, but it is for them. Mrs Pastor: This is something a few of the Mrs Pastors in my city have started too...there's value in friendship and fellowship.
The non-structured time my wife spends with the other pastors’ wives is so valuable in terms of the opportunities it opens up for Tricia to invest in, and do life with, our pastors’ wives. This is something that Tricia has done since day one of our church. It’s just one of many things that make my wife a great pastor’s wife. Mrs Pastor: I checked - their church turned 14 this year.
Many of you know my wife. She’s the best pastor’s wife ever. She enhances my life and ministry in so many ways. All of this got me thinking: What are the specific things that make Tricia so valuable in my life and ministry? I thought of thousands, but I will list only a few:
She encourages me.
After all four services every weekend, my wife is waiting backstage for me. Right at that moment, she sins every week: “That was great,” she says. I know she’s lying. I know she will later even have some critiques. At that moment, however, what I need is a good lie: “That was great.” I need encouragement! I need to hear someone tell me that God used me, that I made sense, that I connected, that people’s lives will be changed because of this message!It’s not just backstage. Tricia will consistently say: “Shawn, how should I handle this ... you’re so good at this.” Sometimes when I am running crazy and spinning 100 plates, she will say: “I don’t know how you do what you do.” In that small sentence, I feel like she admires me as a person and as a pastor, and even looks up to me in some small way. Her simple words of encouragement mean more to me than a thousand pats on the back by members of the congregation. Mrs Pastor: Whether or not others pat our husband's back, we must always "have his back." Be generous with your Appreciation, Care, Encouragement and Sweetness towards him. We hold the "4 ACES" (acronymic pun intended).
She partners with me.
I work hard to try to partner with Tricia at home. She has told me often that my willingness to partner at home moves her to want to partner with me in ministry. She doesn’t just support me in ministry. She is with me. There’s a big difference.For example, she has freely chosen to attend all four services of our weekend experience with me. She worships with me, not just in one, but sometimes two or more of our services. She takes notes on my message. After the services, she stands beside me in the lobby ... yes, after all four services! Not once have I ever asked her to do this. She has told me numerous times that she feels called to do it! Why? We are a team. We feel called to ministry together. We are partners. Mrs Pastor: This is great to hear. The point is we should all know the season in our lives. Shawn and Tricia marked their 20th Wedding Anniversary** last year. You and your husband may be in the season when you need to be home to "secure the home-front."*** Personally, I'm gradually being "promoted" by God out of that to be out and about with my husband - as our children become more independent. Thank God for ages and stages in life...
She has thick skin, but a soft heart.
A pastor’s spouse takes some licks. In any given context, whether she realizes it or not, she’s constantly sized up and/or judged. I will literally bust women in our church from time to time, looking Tricia up and down from a distance. Everyone takes note of her looks: what she wears, her hair, her jewelry, and even her personality. Mrs Pastor: Once again, this is one trap we must not fall into. The fact that people look at you and expect you to be "dressed" in a particular way should not pressure you - I know about the tussle and even wrote about it.**** For me what is key is that you are properly dressed. Be dressed "for glory and dignity"***** - not "under-dressed" i.e. exposing what shouldn't be seen or overdressed - distracting others.Not too long ago, after speaking at an event in our church, Tricia had a lady come up to her and apologize for giving her the seemingly cold shoulder for years since becoming a member of our church. She admitted that it had only been because she thought Tricia was so perfect and unapproachable, only because she had been intimidated by Tricia. They embraced, and all is well, but it served as another reminder as to how quickly my wife is judged simply because she’s my wife. Mrs Pastor: The other thing to remember is that we should focus on pleasing God and our husbands. If anyone has a "problem" with you or your husband, I believe they should talk to God about it first - and He'll decide whether or not to talk to you about it. I know that if/when we're hard of hearing, God could send someone to us to get our attention.
This past year, she had one of her best friends de-friend her on Facebook simply because that lady had an issue with me and left our church. That one hurt. However, she also has a soft heart. She doesn’t let things bother her for very long. She doesn’t carry around bitterness, resentment, or anger. She sleeps very well at night. I wish I slept as well! She loves the hard-to-love. She forgives the hard-to-forgive. She believes the best in people. She believes the best of people. She has thick skin, but a soft heart! That makes her very valuable to me!
Mrs Pastor: Our "thick skin and soft heart" = water of a duck's back - at times.******
She’s a pastor.
We don’t call my wife this officially. She is not a paid staff member of our church, but make no mistake: My wife is a pastor in our church! The word pastor, of course, is poimen in the Greek, which means “pastor; shepherd.” Whether she carries around the title or not in our church, my wife pastors as many people as I do. She is constantly lending a listening ear, praying with people, counseling, coaching, and even correcting a few in our church. She is constantly reaching out to friends in the community and in our neighborhood who don’t go to church.Mrs Pastor: It's not what you're called but answering God's call on your life that counts.
She encourages. She inspires. She emails, calls, and pastors on Facebook. She blesses our staff members with surprise gifts. She serves and leads within her gift mix in our church. She is a pastor! That makes her so valuable to me!
She walks with God.
Every morning before her feet hit the floor, my wife spends time with God. She reads His Word; she prays for me. She prays for our children. She prays for our church. She is continually sharing something with me that God has taught her or is trying to teach her. She walks with God! Mrs Pastor: Favour with God always comes before favour with men.*******Start each day with God - I find that talking to people is easier after I've talked to God.
All of this makes her the best pastor’s wife ever.
Thanks, Tricia, for being the best pastor’s wife ever. May your example move thousands of pastor’s wives around the country to add great value to the body of Christ!
Pastors, what are some of the specific things that make your spouse so valuable to you in your ministry? Mrs Pastor: Hmmm...I know some things my husband will say about me. Do you know what yours will say about you? This is a wake-up call: to be a good wife...
References:
* Excerpt of article by Shawn Lovejoy
http://www.faithvillage.com/article/e3b60b32c5a74552bc253619b82c6701/the_value_of_a_pastors_wife
** http://shawnlovejoy.com/?p=2638
*** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2014/03/how-secure.html
**** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2013/08/mrs-pastor-vs.html
***** Ex 28:2 - Make special clothes for Aaron, to indicate his separation to God - beautiful garments that will lend dignity to his work. (The Living Bible)
Prov 31:25 - She is strong and is respected by the people [Strength and dignity/honor are her clothing]. She looks forward to the future with joy [laughs at the future; she is not anxious]. (Expanded Bible)
****** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2013/11/water-off-ducks-back.html
******* Luk 2:52 - And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. (NKJV)
1 Sam 2:26 - And the child Samuel grew in stature, and in favor both with the Lord and men. (NKJV)
Prov 16:7 - When the way you live pleases the Lord, he makes even your enemies live at peace with you. (NIRV)
You can learn more about Tricia Lovejoy: http://tricialovejoy.com/
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