Startled...
Yes and that's exactly how the person that the comment, or was it a command, was directed at felt. Let me tell you how this all unfolded...
A few weeks ago, we were visiting a dear Family friend and one of the children was asked to say Grace (pun unintended). It was such a sweet prayer in which I was referred to as "Pastor ..." We had barely said "Amen" before the "Don't call her that! was blurted in unison.
"Why?!" followed the startled looks. My children proceeded to say, "She's 'Auntie ...' to you." This resulted in more confusion than comfort. Eventually the explanation was that there was no need to be so formal especially when we consider ourselves "family." The adults in the room exchanged a "makes sense" look - and we all learned something that day.
Interestingly, this wasn't the first time something like that had been brought up by my children. I know that I may step on a few toes here but I feel that I need to share this because our children matter - really, really matter. Per the Hierarchy in Ministry* (my coinage) our children come 3rd after God and our spouse and before Ministry so we need to listen, pay attention and attend to their hearts beyond the words they speak.
Different churches have alternate ways of referring to their Pastor and Mrs. Pastor besides "Pastor" ranging from "Papa" and "Mama" to "Daddy" and "Mummy." Last year, each of my children - at different times - asked me, "Why do they call you 'Mummy'?" "Why do they call Daddy 'Daddy'?" Knowing the origin of those "courtesies", I ventured an explanation since I knew that in our case it was steeped in culture which was bluntly met with a "I don't like it! You are my Mummy, not theirs." I said that I understood how they felt especially since my husband and I do not encourage it. And then I asked that they should not take it personally.
They seem to have accepted it only for someone you see and relate to as family to refer to your Mum so formally, it was a bit much for them. I'm sure they know that it was done as a form of respect - but in their minds "Auntie" is just as respectful and has the additional benefit of being an endearment. Funny, enough all the children in this family always call me "Auntie" which is why I believe that they felt they needed to be formal with God.
This is definitely something I'll add to the list of ways to make children hate ministry piece.** What it said to me was that our children want others - especially church members - to know that the Pastor and his family are people too - who can and should be related to normally. There's at least one pastor that my children refer to as "Uncle Pastor ..." or simply, "Uncle."
I recognize that there are some Pastors and Mrs Pastors who like the "Papa" "Mama" etc. I have no issues with that at all. All I ask is whether you are referred to as "Pastor", "Mama", "Sister" or even "Auntie", ensure that you do not isolate your family - although you may need to "insulate" them - from others. God created us for relationship & fellowship - be available.
References:
* http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/06/preachers-wife.html
** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2014/02/5-ways-to-teach-your-children-to-hate.html
A few weeks ago, we were visiting a dear Family friend and one of the children was asked to say Grace (pun unintended). It was such a sweet prayer in which I was referred to as "Pastor ..." We had barely said "Amen" before the "Don't call her that! was blurted in unison.
"Why?!" followed the startled looks. My children proceeded to say, "She's 'Auntie ...' to you." This resulted in more confusion than comfort. Eventually the explanation was that there was no need to be so formal especially when we consider ourselves "family." The adults in the room exchanged a "makes sense" look - and we all learned something that day.
Interestingly, this wasn't the first time something like that had been brought up by my children. I know that I may step on a few toes here but I feel that I need to share this because our children matter - really, really matter. Per the Hierarchy in Ministry* (my coinage) our children come 3rd after God and our spouse and before Ministry so we need to listen, pay attention and attend to their hearts beyond the words they speak.
Different churches have alternate ways of referring to their Pastor and Mrs. Pastor besides "Pastor" ranging from "Papa" and "Mama" to "Daddy" and "Mummy." Last year, each of my children - at different times - asked me, "Why do they call you 'Mummy'?" "Why do they call Daddy 'Daddy'?" Knowing the origin of those "courtesies", I ventured an explanation since I knew that in our case it was steeped in culture which was bluntly met with a "I don't like it! You are my Mummy, not theirs." I said that I understood how they felt especially since my husband and I do not encourage it. And then I asked that they should not take it personally.
They seem to have accepted it only for someone you see and relate to as family to refer to your Mum so formally, it was a bit much for them. I'm sure they know that it was done as a form of respect - but in their minds "Auntie" is just as respectful and has the additional benefit of being an endearment. Funny, enough all the children in this family always call me "Auntie" which is why I believe that they felt they needed to be formal with God.
This is definitely something I'll add to the list of ways to make children hate ministry piece.** What it said to me was that our children want others - especially church members - to know that the Pastor and his family are people too - who can and should be related to normally. There's at least one pastor that my children refer to as "Uncle Pastor ..." or simply, "Uncle."
I recognize that there are some Pastors and Mrs Pastors who like the "Papa" "Mama" etc. I have no issues with that at all. All I ask is whether you are referred to as "Pastor", "Mama", "Sister" or even "Auntie", ensure that you do not isolate your family - although you may need to "insulate" them - from others. God created us for relationship & fellowship - be available.
References:
* http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2012/06/preachers-wife.html
** http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.ca/2014/02/5-ways-to-teach-your-children-to-hate.html
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