Monday, September 17, 2012

10 Ps (2)

Continuing from last week, here are the other 5 Ps. You may have noticed that the first 5 were more "God-facing." These ones are more "people-facing" - especially as we don't have a choice but to face people whether or not we like it/them or not...now that's a different matter, so let's focus on this posting...

 
6.   Personality: I cannot overemphasize that your personality matters and you must be authentic. Being Mrs. Pastor is not an acting role in a play – it is the life you live day-in and day-out. In Cindy Dykes' words: “Be Yourself - All the Time. The temptation to play the role of the always-happy minister's wife can be overwhelming at times. Be happy, but also be real! God has gifted you with unique talents and personality traits that He doesn't want absorbed into a role you think you have to play. When you feel pressure to be or do something that's just not you, remember that your calling is to be who God created you to be.” Being yourself is easier than being someone else.

 
7.   Pedestal: Unfortunately this is one area that trips us up – maybe because it is "high." Sometimes we put ourselves on a pedestal and at other times, people put us on a pedestal - we must be careful not to be high-minded. Miranda Vande Kuyt’s advice is: “Don’t put yourself on a pedestal. 
      It’s lonely up there!  You’re not perfect; you’re human just like everybody else.  You don’t need to know all the answers now, just keep learning along the way.  By the way, your spouse is human too!  Grace covers a multitude of shortcomings.  Humble yourself.  Although the title “The…Pastor’s Wife” sounds prestigious, it’s not about you.  It’s about glorifying God through crucifying yourself and your desires and serving whom God has called you to.” Don't ever think of or try to share the glory with God-it can be fatal.

8.   Protect: We need to protect our family. When it comes to your husband, Miranda Vande Kuyt says: “Talk about your spouse behind their back.  You heard me!  Be quick to support your spouse and talk positively about your spouse when others have concerns.  Remind them your spouse is human, and encourage them to bring their concerns to your spouse.  If you have concerns about your spouse or your marriage talk to your spouse about them.” You need to always be on your husband's side - if he is wrong, tell him not the world. Adding to that Dr Julie Barrier warns: “Don’t expect your children to be perfect. They aren’t. Get over it. They are normal kids. If you fill their lives with unrealistic expectations (your own and those of every nosey church member), you will just make them mad, hurt or rebellious. Every pastor’s kid needs support, comfort, acceptance and affirmation. You want them to grow up and be launched into the world-loving church, not leaving church.” This is one area I have to keep reminding and reprimanding myself about. Like every parent, I want my children to “set a good example” but need to remember that they are children and should be given room to be "children" while we guide them as they grow into God-loving adults. I do not want to put them in such a straight jacket that they are stifled and when they are of age to choose, they stay away from God & church. God forbid.

 
9.   Presentation: The way you present yourself – especially the way you dress is very important. Dr. Julie Barrier who has been a Mrs. Pastor for over 3 decades advises: “On a lighter note, don’t push the envelope by wearing mini-skirts, leopard-skin pants or thigh-high boots, no matter how cute they are. Yes, I was in the church rock band and it was tempting. Bad idea. Be modest. Don’t wear clothes that are too sexy, too casual, or too expensive. Let the congregation notice your “beautiful, godly inside” first (a little lipstick never hurt, especially if you have chapped lips).” Our dressing is such an important aspect that cannot be overlooked...be decent at all times.

 
10.  Prepare: You know one of the requirements for Pastors is that they are hospitable – guess what that means for you – yes, you must “Be prepared” - just like a scout. Miranda Vande Kuyt gave a wonderful tip in this area: “Keep your bathroom clean.  I know it sounds absurd, but it really was good advice.  If you live close to the church people will drop by unannounced frequently.  The bathroom is the one room you have to let them use if they ask.  If the gift of hospitality does not come naturally to you, learn what it takes for you to enjoy it.  If that doesn’t work, move farther away from church!” The truth is whether or not you live close to church, people sometines feel that they can "drop-in" to Pastor's house without notice and sometimes they need to...so out homes need to be welcoming. I don't try to make my home "perfectly" clean because it means we're not authentic but having a tidy home is a good way to be prepared...

I'd love to hear any other tips you have - whether or not they start with P...God bless you as you proceed and cause you to progress and prosper in Ministry.

Sources:
"Top 10 Tips for New Pastors’ Wives" by Miranda Vande  Kuyt -  http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/10-tips-for-new-wives/
Posted by Mrs. Pastor at 9:12 AM
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