5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs (But Doesn’t Know How to Ask For) cont'd

The first part of this lovey and loving piece by Kelly O’Dell Stanley was shared last week. 1. Remember that each woman is different, and that there are many ways to successfully serve God and the Church as the wife of a pastor.  Give her the gift of allowing her to be exactly who she is, without pretense. If she’s musical, let her sing. If she’s not, don’t force her. If she’s an introvert, don’t throw her in front of huge crowds unexpectedly, and if she’s an extrovert, don’t forbid her to reach out to people. She may be similar to the last pastor’s wife--or the polar opposite. But that’s okay because God gave us all different gifts and personalities. Let her be the woman God made her to be, and don’t try to force her into your image of what that should look like. 2. She needs worship time as much as anyone. Let her have it.  Don’t assault her with problems and petty complaints when she walks in the church doors, and unless it’s urgent, don’t pull her out of the church service to tell her details of your latest drama. If you can, give her time to come before God on her own. To let God renew and refresh her, and to allow her to unburden herself of the week’s worries.  She carries more than you probably realize--so many people’s secrets and fears and ugly realities--and she knows that God is the only One who can equip her to serve with a pure heart. Give her this time to worship God in whatever way she chooses--whether expressively or quietly, whether from the front of the stage or in the back row of the pews. Her personal faith is immensely important, and just like the rest of us, she has to devote herself to finding intimacy with God--in church and at home. 3. Love her family.  Just as she doesn’t need the weight of unreasonable expectations, neither does her family. Her kids will make mistakes. They might act out or make poor decisions at times, and she and her husband might have struggles in their own relationship or extended families. This is just the way life is, not a reflection of your pastor’s ministry or walk with God. When these things happen, embrace her family just as they are, and encourage them like you would anyone else.  On the flip side, don’t make her feel guilty when things are going smoothly--when they receive financial blessings, or have a happy marriage, or their kids excel. Life is a series of ups and downs, and God is present in both the trials and the triumphs. Their blessings don’t diminish what God has for you, nor is God’s will in their lives better or more valuable than what He will do in yours.  However, in order to have a good family life--and in order to have the strength to do their jobs well--they need time together. Alone. Make sure to keep their vacation time uninterrupted, and encourage your pastor and his wife to do things together, just the two of them. She needs his attention, too.   Kelly O’Dell Stanley is the author of Praying Upside Down and Designed to Pray. A graphic designer who writes (or is it a writer who designs?), she's also a redhead who’s pretty good at controlling her temper, a believer in doing everything to excess, and a professional wrestler of doubt and faith. She blogs at kellyostanley.com and calls small-town Indiana her home. Photo courtesy: Thinkstockphotos.com Publication date: January 26, 2017