5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs (But Doesn’t Know How to Ask For)

I received this lovely piece from a very dear friend and Mrs Pastor. You can see so much love in this... Do you ever feel like you are saddled with the weight of other people’s expectations on top of your own burdens? I do. But imagine what it would be like to have everyone watching you--seeking your advice but also witnessing your failures. Needing your family’s help but judging their every move. Loving you but expecting more than you have to offer. I am not a pastor’s wife, although in my own ministry, as an author, I’ve seen something similar. But today I’m talking to you as a close friend of the wife of a pastor, sharing some of the insights I’ve had from observing and talking to her and others in her position. Most pastors’ wives I know are widely loved by their churches and treated with kindness and good intentions, but that role may be paired with unreasonable expectations, quick judgment, and a heavy burden to carry. Think about it. If the pastor’s wife gets involved in every situation people bring to her, she’s controlling. If she tries to correct someone, she’s abrasive. If she doesn’t show her insecurities, we think she’s “all that” and too good for us, and if she lets us see her flaws and mistakes, we judge her for not being holy enough. If she guards time with her family, she may be seen as selfish and unavailable, and if she doesn’t, she’s judged for her wifely and motherly failures. And yet the pastors’ wives I’ve known tend to be deeply spiritual--this is not just their husband’s faith, but their own source of strength. They work hard, often behind the scenes without the credit and acclaim given to their husbands, and have the added responsibility of being his sounding board and helper. They open up their homes and their families to the church (and many outside of the church)--as well as to our intense scrutiny.  So what can we do to help them? To put actions behind our words of appreciation? To show our love and respect? Your pastor’s wife might never ask for these things, yet I believe giving them to her will enable her to serve with joy and gladness. To be continued... Kelly O’Dell Stanley is the author of Praying Upside Down and Designed to Pray. A graphic designer who writes (or is it a writer who designs?), she's also a redhead who’s pretty good at controlling her temper, a believer in doing everything to excess, and a professional wrestler of doubt and faith. She blogs at kellyostanley.com and calls small-town Indiana her home. Photo courtesy: Thinkstockphotos.com Publication date: January 26, 2017