A, B, C...

These pieces of advice from some Mrs. Pastors truly resonated with me...

Amy Goen has been a Mrs. Pastor for about 2 decades, on the subject of "Authenticity" she advises: “Don't be afraid to show the real you to the congregation, complete with flaws. It shows that you're human and someone they can relate to.”* Humility and humanity always wins.

Beverly Hild has been married for almost 30 years and she said this about: “Being supportive” to our husbands. "I've learned that my husband does not need me to play the devil's advocate in difficult situations; he has enough of those. I try not to give him advice unless he asks for it. He needs me to listen to him and trust his judgment."*

Jani Ortland, a Mrs. Pastor, has an insightful perspective on being the direct "Channel of Favour." "You are one of the main vehicles God uses to show your husband his favor. Proverbs 18:22 says, ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.’ It’s as if God was thinking, ‘How can I help this man as I call him to serve Me? I know. I’ll make ____________, introduce them, and ignite their hearts to yearn to be one. Then I’ll use her as my main channel to show him my favor."**

Pulling it together into a sentence:

As his direct Channel of Favour, 

Being supportive to our husbands in this call,

means we must be Authentic.

I can't (so won't) promise that we'll go through all the letters of the alphabet - but will do my best to share advice I hear or see...so we grow.  

Sources:

*Advice for ministers' wives from ministers' wives by Grace Clausing: http://www.lifeway.com/ArticleView?storeId=10054&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&article=Advice-for-ministers-wives-from-ministers-wives
**http://www.sovgracepastorswives.com/2009_07_01_archive.html

SPA

Have you ever had a spa? Well, it was an answered prayer for me last year when I got a coupon...in fact it was another confirmation of God's promise in Isa. 65:24: 

"I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"*

You know, I hadn't even whispered it to anyone - indeed the Word works...

Ok back to our topic...

After that experience, I said I'd like my husband to go for a spa and to go again myself, of course. The more I thought about it, the more desirable it became. Then just before Christmas, the thought occurred to me again and I got it...

The Preacher's Wife

Have you seen this film - "The Preacher's Wife"? Although it's not a Christian movie, it's what I'd call a "crunchy comedy" - that's my way of saying it gives you some thing to chew on. Others may say it gives you food for thought...and I'll add "energy for action" too.

It brings to light some of the shortcomings and oversights of being "sold out" to ministry. Watching it again after several years, I noticed a number of things and the key one was: Beware when you are "sold out" to the ministry because you may be a terrible debtor to your family who are supposed to be your first ministry. The Bible is clear on the requirements for a married man in ministry:

1 Timothy 3: 1,2, 4 & 5 -  ¹This is a statement that can be trusted: If anyone sets his heart on being a bishop, he desires something excellent. ²A bishop must have a good reputation. He must have only one wife, be sober, use good judgment, be respectable, be hospitable, and be able to teach. ⁴He must manage his own family well. His children should respectfully obey him. ⁵(If a man doesn’t know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (God's Word Translation)

Titus 1: 6 - [These elders should be] men who are of unquestionable integrity and are irreproachable, the husband of [but] one wife, whose children are [well trained and are] believers, not open to the accusation of being loose in morals and conduct or unruly and disorderly. (Amplified)

My husband, children and I watched it together years ago and we took note of our "dos" and "do nots" - the main one was: "Family first-after God."  Without a doubt, some things in the film were exaggerated and others were understated -which is why it's a film. I suggest that you start by watching this film with your husband (& immediate family if possible) as a form of relaxation - there will be no need to lecture - if you do this prayerfully and you'll be blessed.  If you see (or even smell) traces of some of the things we saw in the film creeping up on your marriage, I suggest that you pray and then discuss them with your husband. 

I definitely cannot overemphasize what I call the "Hierarchy In Ministry" (HIM):

God, Spouse, Children, Ministry, Job/Career - which is part of your ministry.

I'd love to hear/read your testimonies...you can send an email to dearmrs.pastor@gmail.com if you'd rather share it in private  than comment on this posting. One way or the other, it will be nice to hear/read from you.

The Seed and the Soil

Before we dig up the "soil" for this piece, I'd like to point out that: When it comes to gardening, I'm as green as can be. I don't have "green fingers" not even a "green thumb." However, I know quite a bit about the benefits of sowing and need to sow the right seed in the right soil to get a bountiful and beneficial harvest from personal experience...so I'm not that green afterall...

Well, now that we have that out of the way, let's proceed...

Pastors vs. Fathers?

I was intrigued when I saw this picture on a blog.* I was relieved and even agreed when I checked the article on the blog and they said:

 "the more accurate statement is that “great fathers could make good pastors.”"

Now that is a statement I can stand behind because being a good father, where the pastor is married and has children, is one of the prerequisites of being "qualified" to be a pastor as stated in the following 2 Bible passages:

1 Timothy 3: 1-5 tells us that:

THE SAYING is true and irrefutable: If any man [eagerly] seeks the office of bishop (superintendent, overseer), he desires an excellent task (work). ²Now a bishop (superintendent, overseer) must give no grounds for accusation but must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, circumspect and temperate and self-controlled; [he must be] sensible and well behaved and dignified and lead an orderly (disciplined) life; [he must be] hospitable [showing love for and being a friend to the believers, especially strangers or foreigners, and be] a capable and qualified teacher, ³Not given to wine, not combative but gentle and considerate, not quarrelsome but forbearing and peaceable, and not a lover of money [insatiable for wealth and ready to obtain it by questionable means]. ⁴He must rule his own household well, keeping his children under control, with true dignity, commanding their respect in every way and keeping them respectful. ⁵For if a man does not know how to rule his own household, how is he to take care of the church of God?  (Amplified)

Titus 1: 6-9 reiterates:

⁶they must have a good reputation and be faithful in marriage. Their children must be followers of the Lord and not have a reputation for being wild and disobedient. ⁷Church officials are in charge of God's work, and so they must also have a good reputation. They must not be bossy, quick-tempered, heavy drinkers, bullies, or dishonest in business. ⁸Instead, they must be friendly to strangers and enjoy doing good things. They must also be sensible, fair, pure, and self-controlled. ⁹They must stick to the true message they were taught, so that their good teaching can help others and correct everyone who opposes it.  (CEV)

As we celebrate Father's Day (June 17th), I encourage each Mrs. Pastor & Pastor Mrs. to reflect on how we're supporting our husbands so they are not only good pastors but great fathers. I even extend this "invitation" to all women because who knows, your husband could very well be a pastor in the making...I know how it is, it happened to me. The bottom line is: it takes a man and a woman coming together (in marriage) to "produce" a Father and a Mother...so we might as well support ourselves to be the best possible. Wishing us all a Happy Father's Day!

Sources:

*http://www.acts29network.org/acts-29-blog/pastors-make-great-fathers/

A small fish in a big pond...

...or a small fish in a big pond?

I know we have been called to dominate...it's part of our 5-fold mission from God:

“Be fruitful and multiply;

 fill the earth and subdue it;

have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:28 - NKJV)

It's sad to note that though we're called to dominate things, a lot of us are going around trying to dominate people - sometimes using manipulation and emotional blackmail to get others to do what we want them to.

Overtime, I've come to notice (very sadly) that more and more people, including Mr. & Mrs. Pastor, want to be seen, heard, obeyed and "worshipped" - it's all a big SHOW as if we're big fish in a small pond.

I'm not saying you are not important all I ask is that you remember that our brother Paul, who wrote more than half of the New Testament, said:

"For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance], but to rate his ability with sober judgment, each according to the degree of faith apportioned by God to him." (Romans 12:3 - Amplified)

Without a doubt, you hold an important and privileged position as Mrs. Pastor but that will never make you "God" to the people He has placed in you and your husband's care. You are an "Oracle of God" but not God. Please take the time to continually check your motives - so you are using things and loving people not loving things and using people. We're all small fish in God's big pond, irrespective of how mega our churches may be...

...please don't ever forget that!

What is your purpose...

...as Mrs. Pastor and more importantly as a Christian?

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.  ~Robert Byrne

A life without cause is a life without effect.  ~Barbarella

We should give meaning to life, not wait for life to give us meaning.  ~Stacy

God has generously given all of us special gifts over and above the "gift" of being Mrs. Pastor. God has a purpose for each of our lives and we must remember that "Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction."*

Take the time to discover your purpose in life and pursue it with passion...


Reference:
*John F. Kennedy

Church-o-spital...

All churches are expected to be caring places - that is God's expectation of yours. If your church is only about the righteous then it has missed it's mission...

Mark 2: 16-17 explains it: But when the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with such scum? When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”*

Where do you live?

When John’s disciples switched to Jesus, their first question was:

“Where do you live?”*

Let's flip that: As Mrs. Pastor, we need to support our husbands so they know where every member of the church lives. I realise that is one far-reaching statement to make, so I encourage you to read on...For a church to be intact – the members need to be in-touch with each other and that includes Pastor and his family – they are also members of the church. I’ve been in churches where I‘ve heard members say “there is no love in this church” or leave because they did not “feel loved.” When I hear statements like that, I ask myself – did they show love and it wasn’t reciprocated? Love begets love.

The Pastor's Wife

The Pastor's Wife

She serves in a position she had not sought for in her life
She simply fell in love with a man called into ministry,
You may know her; she’s the pastor’s wife.

She accepted her role to live for Jesus and share the Gospel light.
She just wanted to make God and her husband proud,
Just happy to be the pastor’s wife.

She started on her journey, her expectations soaring high.
She gave her heart and soul to the task,
For she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was expected to be a certain kind of woman adjusting to church life.
She was not there to receive, but to serve;
After all, she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was to be seen as a Godly lady free from bitterness and strife.
She was to always have a gentle and sweet countenance,
Because she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was to be a gracious hostess anytime someone dropped by,
No matter the day of the week or how late into the night -
For she's the pastor’s wife.

She was to be the perfect mom and her children were to always play nice.
She was never to raise her voice but discipline them perfectly,
Because she’s the pastor’s wife.

She was not to have any personal struggles or down times in life.
She was to always be on top of the world,
For she is the pastor’s wife.

But, she has been down and lonely, more times than we realize.
For she is a woman first of all,
And then she’s the pastor’s wife

She has struggled on a pastor’s salary just trying to survive,
While she watched others enjoy trips and luxury holidays-
Not common for a pastor’s wife

She has been humbled, and very grateful, many times throughout her life
For the grace God gave and the prayers that have been prayed
To encourage this pastor’s wife.

She longed for just one true friend, her battles to help her fight-
Only to later be burned by people who turned their backs on
the pastor’s wife.

She yearned for her own identity, and Christian friends to share her plight.
She wanted to be known for who she is,
Not just as the pastor’s wife.

She longed for simple conversations from the many in her life.
But they often only spoke to her to give a message to him -
For she was known as the pastor’s wife.

She may be hurting and discouraged or in need of hug that’s tight.
She gets tired and down just like everyone else,
So encourage the pastor’s wife.

She’s always there for all of you, so get to know her and treat her right.
Show her interest that’s true for she’s a person too-
This one called the pastor’s wife.

She has too often been neglected by the ones God put in her life.
So, let us find an occasion and show her appreciation
And honor the pastor’s wife.

Loyd C. Taylor

When I was preparing for our first "Mrs. Pastor Day"* (4th Monday in March) I was looking for material that articulated and perchance appreciated what it really means to be a Mrs. Pastor. When I found this poem on another lady's blog** I couldn't resist sharing it around the time we celebrate women again - Mothers' Day this coming weekend... You may relate to some or all of it.

Wishing you all a very Happy Mothers' Day!

References:

* http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2012/03/happy-mrs-pastor-day.html

**http://jsttheotherday.blogspot.com/2012/01/pastors-wife.html