Hat or Heart? (4)

It's been 3 weeks since we started "labelling" ourselves using a 1966 book “Minister's Wife: Person or Position?” by Marilyn Brown Oden.  Maybe you haven't labelled yourself but I know self-awareness is key to self-mastery. Just like this book, you may want to prop yourself up with a few pillows as we try to wrap this series up...if we can.

So far, we've talked about the detached - "Mrs D," the Background supporter -"Mrs B", and the Incorporated or active participant - "Mrs I" now let us talk about my addition - the Echo or Shadow "Mrs E."

The Echo or Shadow ("Mrs E")

As we all know, an echo, and even a shadow, is not the real thing - just a repetition of an original. The fact that there are people like this, means that there may be one or more of this type of Mrs Pastor. Mrs E is one who for whatever reason just reproduces what she's seen or heard elsewhere without seeking direct inspiration from the Lord. 
This type of Mrs Pastor may also be detached, a background supporter or an incorporated participant because she's trying to "wear" the Mrs Pastor hat based on what she thinks people expect of her or just to be like someone else she knows or thinks is doing well - personally, professionally and/or pastorally. Unfortunately, by doing this, she is not her own person and wonders why she is not happy being Mrs Pastor.

When it comes to this, I like to take and recommend this aptly put advice:

 "If God wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise."

~ Johann von Goethe

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself,

instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

~ Judy Garland

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." 

~ Steve Jobs

Annie Machmaire concludes in her article* saying that: "Each of us has been called from a different social background, and each has differing inherited and acquired traits. Therefore, each is to minister in a different way." This book by John Mason is a classic and I recommend it to everyone. I read it long before I even know who I was going to get married to and I can tell you, it has helped me over and over again to remain an original.

As I said at the beginning of this series, I have seen me as a Mrs D, Mrs B, Mrs I but rarely a Mrs E, at different times. I'll explain how and why...

There are times when I don't feel valued so I try to give everyone some space - or I actually give myself some space. I may seem detached at such times but I do my best to let everyone know that I'm available to assist/guide them as required (as a Background supporter). Sometimes I distance myself from particular people, departments or topics so I do not inadvertently take over - remember the piece on "Trust?"** One thing I've learned from my detached-background supporter moments is that it gives me an opportunity to mentor others...you know, "leading from the back" helps you watch their back against the enemy's attack(s).

Being "Mrs I" almost comes naturally to me - though not always :)

As we wrap this up and I think about it all, there are times when I step out from being Mrs D, Mrs B, Mrs I or even the occassional Mrs E and become Mrs R - yes "Mrs Rescue." Stemming from your love for God, there are times when you need to "take control with the cords" (under your husband) like Jesus did in Matthew 21: 12-13, Mark 11: 15-16, Luke 19:45 and John 2: 15 -16. This is definitely an important part of ministry for God to have inspired and insisted the account be recorded in all 4 Gospels.

The bottom line is that irrespective of which group(s) you would put yourself in, "God looks at the heart"*** not the hat or even your acts. Once your heart is right with God, everything else will fall in place.

I cannot wrap this series up without reminding us that God created each of us i.e. all women, Mrs Pastor or not, to be a help-meet not a hinderance to our husbands. To ensure we were clear on this, when God took a rib out of man to create woman, man was not diminshed in any form or fashion. Likewise, whichever of these groups you "find" yourself in, never diminish your husband.

Annie concludes her article by saying:
"Christian ministry calls for commitment from every believer, including the minister and his wife. Commitment in one without an answering commitment in the other hurts both. But each marriage and each church situation is different. In all of it, surrender of life and will to their Lord is crucial, for then His Spirit can work to balance their disparate traits so that the husband-and-wife team can work together in an effective, Christ-centered pastoral ministry, while their home and their marriage is strong and rewarding." I agree. May God help us all...

Sources:

* Machamire, Annie: The pastor's wife: detached, supportive, incorporated? https://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/1999/December/the-pastors-wife
**http://mrs-pastor-and-pastor-mrs.blogspot.com/2013/01/trust.html
*** 1 Sam 16: 7 - But God told Samuel, “Looks aren’t everything. Don’t be impressed with his looks and stature. I’ve already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart.”

It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership. ~ Nelson Mandela