10 Ps (2)

Continuing from last week, here are the other 5 Ps. You may have noticed that the first 5 were more "God-facing." These ones are more "people-facing" - especially as we don't have a choice but to face people whether or not we like it/them or not...now that's a different matter, so let's focus on this posting...

 

6.   Personality: I cannot overemphasize that your personality matters and you must be authentic. Being Mrs. Pastor is not an acting role in a play – it is the life you live day-in and day-out. In Cindy Dykes' words: “Be Yourself - All the Time. The temptation to play the role of the always-happy minister's wife can be overwhelming at times. Be happy, but also be real! God has gifted you with unique talents and personality traits that He doesn't want absorbed into a role you think you have to play. When you feel pressure to be or do something that's just not you, remember that your calling is to be who God created you to be.” Being yourself is easier than being someone else.

 

7.   Pedestal: Unfortunately this is one area that trips us up – maybe because it is "high." Sometimes we put ourselves on a pedestal and at other times, people put us on a pedestal - we must be careful not to be high-minded. Miranda Vande Kuyt’s advice is: “Don’t put yourself on a pedestal. 

      It’s lonely up there!  You’re not perfect; you’re human just like everybody else.  You don’t need to know all the answers now, just keep learning along the way.  By the way, your spouse is human too!  Grace covers a multitude of shortcomings.  Humble yourself.  Although the title “The…Pastor’s Wife” sounds prestigious, it’s not about you.  It’s about glorifying God through crucifying yourself and your desires and serving whom God has called you to.” Don't ever think of or try to share the glory with God-it can be fatal.

10 Ps

Since today is the 10th day of this month, I felt it will be a good day to start sharing a collation of 10 tips ( my "10 Ps") I've gained from personal experience and gleaned from other Mrs. Pastors* - italics and bold, mine. The first time the topic dropped in my heart, I wondered if there was any other material out there, so I looked and found a couple of interesting ones (yes, seek and ye shall find).

The "conclusion of the whole matter," as Solomon said, is: by and large, all Mrs. Pastors have the same, or at least very similar, challenges - in varying degrees and dimensions. So here are 10 tips from me to you - and they are not in any particular order of priority:

      1.   Priorities: I’ve shared this Hierarchy In Ministry (“HIM”) several times because we must never forget that it is all about Him – God. Cindy Dykes puts it this way: “Know Your Priorities: The ministry is your husband's job, and you're his helper. As I see it, our jobs are more to be wives and mothers than the default VBS director, church cook, or even pianist. My top priority has been to make my home a haven — family first, and then church. Set boundaries and focus on your first calling, which will allow you to follow God's leadership in church involvement.”

2.   Partnership: I’ve said this before and will say it again, as a “Mrs.” you are your husband’s helpmeet and even moreso as Mrs. Pastor. You’re there by his side to “push him up” not pull him down. In Miranda Vande Kuyt’s words: “Become your spouse’s best friend.  Churches come and go but your spouse will hopefully remain. You will probably have to move multiple times for new ministry opportunities, leaving many friends behind. Establish a strong partnership with your spouse.”

3.   Purpose: Before becoming Mrs. Pastor you must have been a Christian – yes it’s obvious since we know believers marry believers. The point is that before and beyond being Mrs. Pastor, God has a purpose and calling for you. It is important that you know what it is and do not neglect it - stir up that gift and walk worthy of His calling on your life.  Miranda Vande Kuyt’s advice is: “Find your calling in the church.  When your church hired your spouse it was not a 2 for 1 deal.  You are an individual that has unique gifts and abilities.  Find a ministry that you can be passionate about while serving.  Ask God to show you where he wants you to serve – He will.”

4.   Plug in: We must all remain plugged in to God. Cindy Dykes said: “Don’t trade ministry for spirituality. The Bible is not just a book to help you teach, it’s to make you spiritual. If every time you open your Bible, it’s for a sermon outline or teaching lesson, God can never change YOU. Let His life in you transform you into a powerful, anointed leader.”

5.   Pray: The bible advises us all to pray without ceasing. Miranda Vande Kuyt shared a simple yet profound prayer point and advice: “Pray for your marriage, your church and everything in between. Ask others to pray for you too.” Prayer must always be our first port of call and only resort not our last resort. In fact, this should be the first P. 

At the  risk of making this posting too long, let's talk about the rest next week...

Sources:

"Top 10 Tips for New Pastors’ Wives" by Miranda Vande  Kuyt -  http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/10-tips-for-new-wives/

"Tips for new minister's wives" Cindy Dykes - http://www.lifeway.com/ArticleView?storeId=10054&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&article=Tips-for-new-minister's-wives

"The Pastor's Wife's Survival Guide: Top 12 Ministry Bloopers" Dr Julie Barrier - http://www.crosswalk.com/church/pastors-or-leadership/pastors-wife-survival-guide-12-ministry-bloopers.html

What and where are your dreams - and where are you?

Before I became a Mrs. Pastor, I had a number of dreams - really big ones too.

“God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them.” 

~Author Unknown

“Keep your dreams alive.

Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision,

hard work, determination, and dedication.

Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

~ Gail Devers

 Don't let your dreams remain dreams...do something to make them come true...

Lessons from Mrs Zebedee...

Have you ever heard the saying: "Aim high at least you'll land somewhere?"

Les Brown puts it this way:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

I know the  first time or thereabouts I read about Mrs Zebedee - I couldn't help but wonder "Who does she think she is? What's so special about her children?"

Let's read the passage together:

Don't cut off your nose...

...to spite your face.

Have you ever heard that idiom? I remember it from way back and always found it interesting. More recently, I have had to catch myself from doing exactly that. The idiom essentially warns us not to act in anger, irationally or overreact to a person or situation even if it hurts us too...

Are you like Mrs Aquila?

The first time she was mentioned in the Bible was alongside her husband.

After this [Paul] departed from Athens and went to Corinth. There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, recently arrived from Italy with Priscilla his wife, due to the fact that Claudius had issued an edict that all the Jews were to leave Rome. And [Paul] went to see them, And because he was of the same occupation, he stayed with them; and they worked [together], for they were tentmakers by trade. (Acts 18: 1-3 - Amplified - italics, mine)

When we read this passage as part of our Women's Bible Study at work, the first thought that dropped in my mind was: "Priscillia - or Mrs Priscillia Aquila (for those of us who like titles) - was a rather, in fact very, gracious hostess - to accommodate she and her husband's professional colleague." That thought was closely followed by an introspective question: "How far am I willing to go (& give or even give up) to support a "new-to-town" professional colleague?

Now I don't know if you know this, but I was surprised the first time I heard that:

The only reason why you can cook several live crabs at the same time is because when the water starts heating up and one tries to climb out, the others pull it back into the water. Now I don't know if it's true but if it is can you just imagine it?

Unfortunately, I see many demonstrations of this "crabby" & grabby nature in church - where some people feel they are the only ones entitled to the "good things" of life. This is totally unChristian. When I see this, I ask: "What can I do as Mrs. Pastor?" We should complement, & also compliment, not compete with each other.

Borrowing a leaf from Priscillia, I have decided not to relent in supporting those who are new-to-town - irrespective of the profession or church they belong to. My prayer is that by my conduct, others will be encouraged to do the same...

XYZ

In more recent times I've been talking to myself saying: "eXamine Your Zeal" -
I believe that is a common "bottom line" for us as Mrs. Pastors. For me, it's a simple question: "Why do I do what I do?" or "Why do I go to church at all?"
Put differently, "If I was not Mrs. Pastor, would my service to (& for) God or even my "regular" (almost mandatory) attendance in services be different?"

I believe that our sincere answers to these questions will truly benefit each of us, our husbands, families and the body of Christ at large....let's dig in...

Your family and friends

I don't know who came up with the "Friendship Day" but it is so interesting how these things catch on. It was only last year that the UN declared July 30 as the International Friendship Day. Yes, today is International Friendship Day.

Friends are a wonderful part of life. Think about it: since we cannot choose our family members, it was so gracious of God to give us all the privilege of choosing our friends. When I saw this poster, I smiled then wondered how true it really is. 

Do Pastor & Mrs. Pastor really "get to pick their own friends?" Or should we even pick rather than be "all-embracing" and "take" anyone who comes our way?

It's a "high calling"

I couldn't agree more with Patricia Jones (pastoral counsellor) who said:
"Being a minister's wife is a "high calling" and a difficult one, but well worth it if you know how to protect your marriage, your family and your identity."* Indeed, you need to know who you are & Who has called you...

Knowing this is so very true, like Paul, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus"** and constantly remind myself that: "I can do all things because Christ gives me the strength."***

I also consciously take Paul's advice (& warning) to heart & to head: "For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not ot estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance]... Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits."****

As we all know, being Mrs. Pastor is a high calling but we must be careful not to become highminded. Additionally, it always comes back to HIM (Hierarchy In Ministry), once you mix up the order and/or become highminded, you will not only falter, but fail so please beware. Rather than becoming or being highminded, we should set our hearts, minds and sight on things above (on high)***** and success is sure. Also, be careful not to be "low-minded"****** - just have the mind of Christ and be lowly in everything you do....as you respond to this high calling. 

God bless.

Sources:

*http://www.dovechristiancounseling.com/MinistersWives.html
**Phil 3:14 - King James Version

***Phil 4:13 - New Life Version
****Rom 12:3a &16 - Amplified
*****Col 3:2 - And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. - Amplified
****** Don't look down on yourself - look up to God and what He can do with and through you (see 1 Cor 2:16 and Phil 2:6) 

Assignment vs. "Assistant"

I found this tweet by Tommy Tenney interesting:
"Adam received his assignment b4 he received his Assistant.

Eve walked into a functioning vision."

I understand what he means though I know this is not always the case - in many people's lives. The fact is that some people only hear, or maybe only just answer the call, after they are married. Experiencing a bit of what it takes, I can't blame them though I know it's not the right thing to do - that's just me being authentic :)

Let me explain that some more...using 2 people in the Bible - who were not married to each other but clearly had a God-given assignment to do (together).